hub6543 Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 I have been friends with this guy for many years. We use to be close and hang out all the time. Over the past few years we have somewhat remained friends but not very close. His fiancé and my girlfriend do not get along. We never hang out or do anything together any more. He and I use to hang out on our own, but now even that has stopped. He asked me to be in his wedding and I said yes. Now I am having second thoughts. The wedding is August 25 and I already got my tux, but I feel uncomfortable being in the wedding. I really want to withdrawal from being in the wedding. Any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 why do you feel like withdrawing your participation? Just because you are not as close as you used to be? Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 This is a tough situation. If you feel your friendship is truly dead and over, then I agree you must find a way to decline to participate. It's just too odd to have two people who are that distant emotionally celebrate the wedding of one of them together. If you were just hangout buddies who never hangout anymore, and you're being asked to stand up as a groomsman just to fill a slot, then ignored after the event, then participating in the wedding would be a shallow and disturbing event (at least for me if I were in your shoes). In this case, you would simply have to meet him face to face and say, "I'm so sorry, but I really feel that given everything, I'm not comfortable being part of your wedding." If you do this, be aware that it is a clear wy of saying that you are rejecting any further friendship with him. If you choose this option, beter do it ASAP. Last minute won't be OK. If, OTOH, you can view your friendship as being on hold, maybe waiting for better days to come, then you can go ahead and participate. In this case, you have to act happy and close even though you may not feel it. What is the history on the friendship? Were you close like brothers? In that case, I would say use Plan 2 above, just in honor of the deep friendship that existed at one time. Are you close enough to call him and say, "Why don't we get together anymore?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author hub6543 Posted July 9, 2006 Author Share Posted July 9, 2006 I think that the friendship is over and that is the reason that I do not want to be in the wedding. My thoughts are that women delegate what couples you will hang out with and since my girlfriend and his wife to be do not get a long, we will never do anything after this wedding. I have tried the "Why don't we hang out more" question and he and I went to dinner a few times during the week, but it seemed like an effort to do it, so I stopped trying. Thanks for your responses! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 You are both getting married - not being surgically joined to your partners. If you two are good friends and want to maintain that friendship then hang out together - without your female partners. Right now they are close together beause of all the wedding hoopla and probably will be for a while afterward, but at some point you will both need outside friends and interests. My husband has married friends that he hangs out with sometimes - without me or their wives for the same reason - I'm not friends with all of his friends wives. We have other 'couple' friends to hang out with together (well we did until they moved so far away it's almost impossible for us to get together anymore). Maybe his invitation to be part of the wedding is his way of extending the friendship to you because he doesn't want to lose that friendship completely. However, if you do want to lose that friendship then tell him and be honest about it. Sounds to me like maybe he wants you there to share this with you because he still values you and wants you in his life in some way. Link to post Share on other sites
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