milvushina Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I just wonder if anyone else here has been in the same boat as me and what kinds of practical things you did to feel better. My ex husband and I had a group of friends, some he knew before I moved to the town, most that we made after we were a couple. While we were together my ex was a big party person and I was too- to an extent- and so were all the friends. After about 3 years or so I started to get tired of it. I didn't go out with him so much anymore and it really irked him. I was more interested in finishing school and moving into a house, and he seemed to get more desperate to have fun the older he got. We struggled a lot and I'm not lying when I say most of the meanness was from him, directed at me, for not wanting to do what he wanted to do. We got separated when I was 25. After more than 1 year of being miserable. At the end of our relationship after trying therapy and everything else I did neglect him and avoid him. I started a friendship with someone I used to work with and slept with him once. About 3 days after that happened I moved out. I felt guilty about the cheating incident (this with a party person who always said that if I wanted satisfaction somewhere else I should go get it) so I let him have all our valuables (electronics) paid off half his credit bills and didn't try to get him in trouble when he stole some of my jewelery. The point of this long ass post is that after we were apart I enjoyed a lot of time either to myself or with my new man. I figured the ex needed friends more so I didn't try to intrude as he built up these friendships. Now that a couple of years have gone by a lot of the friends are more grown up, and I would like to see them more. But a lot of them just don't like me. A lot of them continued to act like they liked me, but then stopped returning calls, that kind of thing; and I know that my ex loves attention and sympathy and comes across as more helpless and victimized than I do. But it really does hurt when good people you've been friends with for a while just don't want your company. Some of our old friends are still alcoholics or real into the drug scene. But some of them are not, have always respected me more, and also still live in the same town as I do while my ex has moved away. What gives? Is time basically the only thing that gets rid of the hurt feelings? This is probably the only time in my life where I've lost friends. I have some friends that I have even known since kindergarten. Link to post Share on other sites
hulali Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Let them go. You said that you know some of them don't like you so why put yourself through that? There are so many other people out there who don't share a history with you that may be willing to be your friend. You've moved on and it sounds like some of them have as well. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Welcome to adulthood, where friendships are not as they seem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author milvushina Posted July 3, 2006 Author Share Posted July 3, 2006 Haha...yeah, I know. I'm not as hung up on it as I probably sounded here. Most of the time I figure that is just how it goes. But every once in a while I see a group of people together with me excluded, or I run into someone I used to be close to who just gives me a dirty look, and I kind of get my feelings hurt again, because I didn't even do anything to them. It just sucks. Rarely, but occasionally, I just kind of feel down about the whole subject. Plus, I'm just not very good at making new friends. I thought that new friends would be a natural by product of going to college but it just didn't happen that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author milvushina Posted July 3, 2006 Author Share Posted July 3, 2006 And I forgot to say, thanks for taking the time to read my complaints & reply Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Plus, I'm just not very good at making new friends. I thought that new friends would be a natural by product of going to college but it just didn't happen that way. I'm in the same boat. College cut me off from everyone, and it's been this way ever since. I like it, though. Friends I thought were friends really weren't friends to begin with. They were more for convenience than anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author milvushina Posted July 3, 2006 Author Share Posted July 3, 2006 Well, since you said that I have to admit that's mostly true for me too. I don't know if I would say I used to hang out with these people for convenience, but I used to think, this person is kind of shallow, or mean, etc. and I wish they wouldn't call so much. I guess I don't like to say it because it sounds petty, but I just don't like being rejected by anybody. Then there are about 3 or 4 people I really did care about, 1 of whom recently dissed me again if that's not obvious. Plus- it's not as though I inherited a new group of friends via my new relationship. His friends are real shady, for the most part he doesn't even trust them. They were just his only company, because he had been this single guy for so long. They blame me for his getting an 8 to 5 job and not wanting to babysit drunk people who show up at 2 a.m. Ha ha.. so sometimes it just makes me feel unpopular. westernxer, are you in a relationship, or a really independent person, or both? I'm an only child, I partly blame that for my being kinda reserved. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 westernxer, are you in a relationship, or a really independent person, or both? No relationship at the moment, but I'm very independent. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts