unbalanced

[twkvfx]

for the last three years i remember that i was a shy and quite timid person back then when i was 13. it was then when i go to my church that thishorrible experience occures. it was the opposite during 2 years of church. i don't know exactly how my instincts suddenly turned upside down. it was a really difficult time for me of talking and participate groups to socialise. by mid 14 things were starting to turn the exact opposite, which is of course good. it felt good, for once in my life my heart can be unlocked and make me feel all happy and joy, and to actually socialise and be with friends. when i went to a christian summer camp this made a big contribution. i was so open. it was great. and was then when i finally admit it for how i changed from my unopened self to the opposite of that, and changed for the better. after a few weeks of that, things started to turn around when i got up to my early 15. it was then that everything was starting to change slowly. this, however, affected me as i was a pretty dependant person. after a while, everything, for me, has gone the way it was before, and lasted until now. going through all that with the feeling of unworthyness, non-interesting, avoidness, etc. whats going on with me? is this normal? (doubt it). its just not fair. its like my self image and identity had become a blind.

[twkvfx]

Can someone tell me what's going on with this issue? It's relationships just go up and down everytime with no control.

[Outcast]

To be frank, it's hard to figure out what your story is and what your question is.

[twkvfx]

ermmm, maybe my post was a bit complicated to understand. even for me, i don't know how to simplify it.

 

anyways, i'll ask again. when i was about 13 years old, i was timid, shy, and un-open hearted when i attended church. during 2 years back, everything was as normal for me, friends, social, happy, etc. probably was my fault for the cause of the serious issue 2 years after. a year later, every was the opposite, it was great. a year after that, things started to change slowly, and this time it wasn't from my cause, its like as if everything and everyone for no reason turned against me. until 16, i'm back as i was before. so what is going on? i don't really understand society, and i don't even understand the community.

[PeanutHead88]

Your still not explaining in depth a whole alot...

 

 

What changes did you go through? like please explain

[Tim'sAngel]

Yes your condition has a name. I hate to be the one to break it to ya, but its called.... you ready? Being a teenager!! Hunny you have to understand your hormones are out of whack right now. You are in those horrible in between stages where your not a little girl anymore, yet not a women either. It's hard I know. Just when you think you have figured out who you are, you change. In fact, that will go on for most of your life.

 

This is a time of learning and you should be very observant. Focus on what you like and what makes you happy. Listen to yourself and your body. Don't try too hard to figure out who you are because you still have alot of growing up to do. Just sit back and watch and learn. Teenage girls have lots of insecurities and its a very natural thing. You are trying to find your identity and place in this world. Are you involved in any sports? Have any hobbies? What do you like to do with your time?

 

How is your relationship with your parents? Have you spoken with them about your concerns? If you really are worried about what you are feeling, maybe you can talk to your parents about seeing a school counselor. A counselor could be able to tell whether or not you are experiencing some kind of depression. Honestly, I think it is just growing pains you are feeling. Hang in there. Try your best to enjoy those last years of your teens, because after that is all downhill!! Kidding. But do try to enjoy them, you will never it that easy again.

[twkvfx]

ermmm tim'sangel, i'm a male. part of your post that I agree on. my church friend won't give me a chance, which makes it a bit more hard for me to get along. this isn't from my cause this time.

[littlekitty]

What is your 'cause'? It sounds as though you are saying a significant incident happened to you? Can you tell what it was? Am I correct?

 

You seem to be saying that you were once shy and timid, turned more confident and now once again have become shy and timid? Is that correct?

[Tim'sAngel]

ermmm tim'sangel, i'm a male. part of your post that I agree on. my church friend won't give me a chance, which makes it a bit more hard for me to get along. this isn't from my cause this time.

 

 

Oops, sorry hunny!! Oh well, same still applies. Male's have insecurities as well. What is it your church friends dont give you a chance on? Do they not accept your friendship?

[twkvfx]

to littlekitty

yes, you are right. something quite distinctive did happen. only that when i turned 16 i was getting further away from relationships, cause me to be solitary and it was not my fault. the thing is my relationship with certain youths aren't strong at all, so they just turned their backs at me. some of them i did go on well with, but same same turned their backs at me. not shy and timid, but like left alone and sort of avoided, no personal communication. they don't give me a chance (don't talk to me on purpose or don't at all or don't want to) was because simply our relationship was weak. thats it. i can tell from them. thats why they don't accept the kind of friendship that i want them them and everybody else. to certain people i was friends with them at a steady stage. until when they have someone "better" and more interesting than me, well you know the consequence that i mentioned. the cause was not from me. it just happened. its complicated. everything was fine at my early 15 when a new youth came to my church and things started to change slowly. i'm not saying its his fault. it seems like it is but i believe its not.

 

to tim'sangel

thats okay. how did you mean by insecurities? i mentioned that these current causes were not from me. certain youths don't (mostly older ones by a year, two or three years difference) talk to me, even though i've known them for 5 years. this makes it very difficult for me (sometimes complicated) to extend the friendship. they don't accept me was simply maybe they don't to, cus if they did they would talk and say hi, some conversations, etc.

 

overall, i'm not that kind of guy. this is not me. i'm the exact opposite as i was two years ago. i'm only like this only because that the people are making me like this. don't let me shine my own light. i have to suffer that. emotionally for me, it's torment.

[Tim'sAngel]

Andy, remember that as you are growing up, so are others around you. You will make friends then you will lose them. You mentioned that you have changed in the last few years? Well guess what, so have your friends! Even when you reach adulthood, it will always be this way. I have a friend, someone I considered my best and closest friend for 15 years, and after all that we have been through together (and its been alot!) we are barely speaking to each other. She got married and moved off to a different state and I had a baby and moved in with my SO. People just get on with their lives and sometimes, sadly, they don't have room for us anymore.

 

Don't try to figure all this out because guess what, you never will!! It's just life. We lose friends, then we gain some. People have all kinds or reasons for starting and walking away from friendships. I know you are struggling with your identitiy and you don't understand why some people around you don't seem to accept you, but they are struggling with growing up just like you are. If it makes you feel any better, we've all gone through this. Maybe focus more on making new friends and not dwelling on the ones you've seem to have lost.

[twkvfx]

i'm the odd one out, out of the whole youth. they've been the same ever since i first came around. i can see your point there. the thing is, i will have to stick around with them for another 2 or 3 years. why? because i got college the next academic year and, of course, will not be moving to a different area (that i want to). gone too far? i cannot handle the the horrible feeling. i always feel guilty about it, whereas the other youths, that got me into this position, should be the ones feel guilty. its horrible, and if you had that feeling you would not like it aswell. growing up is part of the issue that i agree on. all i can think of is that in order to stop this emotional torment i would have to either stop seeing them and move on. i have thought about moving to a different area, staying at my sister's flat for my next academic year of college (which is about 2 hours car drive away). but her flat isn't big enough and she doesn't take sleeping in rooms seriously. i can say you this, in my current position, the world is against me. yes, we may lose our friends and to find a new one, but my story is different. i have to stick around with them for another 2 years. that's too long, and i really need this to stop altogether. unless "they" sort out themselves!

[twkvfx]

complicated, isn't it?

[twkvfx]

any other comments on whats going on? i don't have much time left.

[clandestinidad]

It seems from what you're describing that you might be going through that time period when teenagers are finding themselves, getting comfortable in their skin, and figuring out who they are.

 

Its very hard, and I understand that you feel like youre the odd man out.

 

I'm curious what significant event happened, but since you havent shared it yet, I get the impression you dont want to--and thats fine.

 

I remember making friends at some points, and losing friends at others. Some decided that they wanted to hang out with drug users, some that they wanted to be with snobby people, some wanted to be heavily involved in church, etc etc......making and losing friends happens all the time, and it seems to affect the good people who are worth keeping as friends more than the others.

 

I'm not really sure what else to say, b/c I dont know if anything will make you feel better since 'words' wont change the situation you're in.

 

I'll think about it some more....

[twkvfx]

It seems from what you're describing that you might be going through that time period when teenagers are finding themselves, getting comfortable in their skin, and figuring out who they are.

 

Its very hard, and I understand that you feel like youre the odd man out.

 

I'm curious what significant event happened, but since you havent shared it yet, I get the impression you dont want to--and thats fine.

 

I remember making friends at some points, and losing friends at others. Some decided that they wanted to hang out with drug users, some that they wanted to be with snobby people, some wanted to be heavily involved in church, etc etc......making and losing friends happens all the time, and it seems to affect the good people who are worth keeping as friends more than the others.

 

I'm not really sure what else to say, b/c I dont know if anything will make you feel better since 'words' wont change the situation you're in.

 

I'll think about it some more....

 

the event is quite strange. it changes itself, thats as far as i can explain it.

 

sorry to be off topic. i haven't been myself (as a forum member) since when i first started this topic. loads of rushes, anger, etc. i'm sorry about that. i was in a very tight position of life. i will try and be more positive, as i usually do.

[littlekitty]

the event is quite strange. it changes itself, thats as far as i can explain it.

 

sorry to be off topic. i haven't been myself (as a forum member) since when i first started this topic. loads of rushes, anger, etc. i'm sorry about that. i was in a very tight position of life. i will try and be more positive, as i usually do.

 

Andy, we'd all like to help you, however, some of your posts are not entirely clear and that makes it harder for us to offer an opinion or advice.

 

I understand you may not wish to discuss the 'event' but since it seems quite central to this whole situation, I don't know that we can offer further advice without understanding more of your whole situation.

 

You seem to ramble a little and hedge around the facts. All I've managed to understand so far, is that there are not many people in your church group who you are friends with, and that something happened with a particular youth when you were 15 which seems to be the cause of this.

 

The only advice I can offer is to look for other places to make new friends.

[twkvfx]

Andy, we'd all like to help you, however, some of your posts are not entirely clear and that makes it harder for us to offer an opinion or advice.

 

I understand you may not wish to discuss the 'event' but since it seems quite central to this whole situation, I don't know that we can offer further advice without understanding more of your whole situation.

 

You seem to ramble a little and hedge around the facts. All I've managed to understand so far, is that there are not many people in your church group who you are friends with, and that something happened with a particular youth when you were 15 which seems to be the cause of this.

 

The only advice I can offer is to look for other places to make new friends.

 

well actually, i do want to tell you about the event, it's just that it's complicated to explain it.

 

i "basically" do have friends from the group, but they are at a low stage of relationship. in other words, not as strong as i wanted to. when i ment no friends i ment "weak friendships".

[littlekitty]

well actually, i do want to tell you about the event, it's just that it's complicated to explain it.

 

i "basically" do have friends from the group, but they are at a low stage of relationship. in other words, not as strong as i wanted to. when i ment no friends i ment "weak friendships".

 

Ok, well if you feel you can tell us about the event, then the best way is just to try and give us the basic simple facts. We can then ask you to elaborate more if we need you.

 

So you'd like to make these 'weak' friendships into stronger ones correct? But you feel like your struggling to make that happen? Is that correct? Do you feel it's because of the event?

[clandestinidad]

The main thing I got from the posts was that you used to have a hard time being friends with people because for one reason or another they didnt want to maintain a friendship with you.

 

Then through church camp and stuff, you felt comfortable and happy and able to have good friendships

 

Then something happened, which made you close off again and have a hard time with friends because they wanted to be friends with other people.

 

And you mentioned something about a new guy at church, and how things changed after he got there.

 

I wish I could help more, other than to say that I understand you're hurting and want to have friends but that its hard for you to open up.

 

I think that whatever happened to change things must have been very hard for you since it's changing your personality and who you are.

 

You still want to have friendships, so that means that at your core you want to be a friendly open person.....but some events have caused you to close/guard yourself.

 

Am I understanding the situation correctly?

[littlekitty]

Seems like Kat deduced even more than me!! Hopefully between the two of us we can help!

[twkvfx]

to littlekitty:

thanks. i need to buy some more time until my head gets spaced out to simplifiy my event.

 

to kat23:

yes, you are absolutely correct. it's really beginning to hide away my true identity. some youth just don't talk to me, simply because they don't want to form friendship, not good enough for a friend, or, as excuses, not fond with. it hurts a lot emotionally. i describe myself as fake. even when i try to be open, i still describe myself fake. the new guy was so over-socialable, that he's friends with almost everybody of the youth. i didn't see that coming until when i began to lose my friends slowly until summer camp 2005. i was totally ignored when i walked past certain youths. it's common sense to say the basic "hi" as "hey", "you alright" etc, but its awkward and unexpected if i did so and they won't appreciate my response. i even asked one of them if they are going to a bbq, and he just replied "yeah i am" and, literally, thats it. you see, if they want something out from me then they should have sensed to begin to have a fond. or, likewise, if they don't or have no opinion about it, then i might aswell move to a different area (which i have planned before for college, but my sister didn't take sharing bedrooms seriously). there's nothing else that i could do. all i can do is wait for them to change.