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In Love with my best friend

Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 23rd May 2006, 1:00 AM   #1
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In Love with my best friend

This is my first post but I need advice about a platonic relationship with my best friend. Im a male by the way and she is my best friend. First off, We first met in College and she has the same major as me. We have had many classes together and still have classes. Over the years, we have become really close friendship wise. I see her everyday in class and we talk on the phone everyday, go out for lunch everyday just about, and just hanging out.
Well here is my situation, I have really grown to love her and want more than just a friendship. I have let her know that I want to date her and that I like her but that was while she was dating her boyfriend. I continued to be patient and be her best friend. Well she sent an email saying she enjoys every minute with me but wants a platonic relationship. Well after that email I just kinda gave up on trying to get her to date me but she still continued to flirt with me and leading me on.
She then breaks up with her boyfriend and I thought this was my chance to possibly be by her side and maybe she will fall for me. By the way (when they got in a big fight she called me in the middle of the night and asked if I could pick her up. We then went to her apartment and she wanted me to stay with her. She was really upset so I slept with her that night, No sex but just to comfort her.) I really thought that this was it, I was going to get her finally. Well, she is still broke up with him but she still has a sexual relationship with him. They arent dating but are sexually active. Then she just recently started talking about other guys that she thought was cute and she has started dating some other guy only on a few dates. She started dating this new guy, Having sex with her ex still, and here I am her school buddy.
I have tried to move on to find a new girl but I cant stop thinking about her. What is messing me up is even though she still see's those guys she still flirts with me, leads me on, talks about she wants to live with me when we get out of college, and even gets jealous when I talk to other girls, but she doesnt want to have a relationship for some reason. We are perfect for each other and people always say that around us. I just need some advice on what I should do with her. Should I continue to try to pursue her or should I move on. Does she really like me but doesnt want to mess our friendship up?
I just dont understand why she does this to me, because she knows I have feelings for her.
Sorry for rambling but i tried to put it all in there. Im sure I left a few things out.
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Old 23rd May 2006, 11:39 AM   #2
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Does she really like me but doesnt want to mess our friendship up?
It has nothing to do with that. The truth is, she is using you and it feels too good to her to have some fop constantly fawning over her to just let that go.

I just dont understand why she does this to me, because she knows I have feelings for her.
She is selfish. Its that simple.

Should I continue to try to pursue her or should I move on.
If you want her to come running, yes move on...There is no point trying to have a relationship anyway with another girl. She will immediately turn up the flirtation with you and ruin anything you have going on with anyone else. And you will let her. And she knows this. By all means, move on. That will bring her towards you quicker than you think, but the minute you return arduous advances, she will lose interest.
To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already 3 parts dead. ~Bertrand Russell
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Old 23rd May 2006, 11:43 AM   #3
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She isn't your best friend. She isn't your friend at all. She is totally using you, and doesn't care about your feelings. Why be around someone like that.

Move on. Your attention toward her would be better spent looking for the woman who wants all of you. All this woman is doing is keeping the right girl away.

Easier said than done, of course. But this relationship will end eventually, you might as well do it now and not waste anymore of your life.
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Old 23rd May 2006, 1:09 PM   #4
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Thanks for the replys. Both posts make total sense to me now. Its going to be tough to take this for me so it might be a little while. But I did want to say that she and I do have a true friendship, I give to her and she does things for me as well. But I do see how she is using me. I kinda feel like I have wasted alot of time chasing her around like a lost puppy when I could have used that time finding someone that totally wants me. I almost feel stupid for falling in that trap and its hard to get out for me. Im going to start looking somewhere else and see if she comes back. Also im going to start saying no to little things like when she asks me to help her out, go to lunch, etc. Before, I would say yes to everything and I think she got so used to me always being there that she now expect me to do stuff with her and when I can't, she gets mad at me. Im not going to totally drop her out of my life but im going to slowly move on from her. I really appreciate the posts. Thanks
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