Do you treat someone you like...like a friend?

[obsession]

I am just curious.

 

Do you treat someone you like...just like a pal?

 

There is this guy friend whom I am immensely attracted to. I don't know if he knows I am interested, though I gave him hints. I don't know if he likes me that way either (gave me no indication that he likes me more than a friend).

 

We get along amazingly well, though. We have similar sense of humor and we can talk just about anything. But, he is also a coworker so I am reluctant to also dip into my company's ink. We don't hang out much outside of work (maybe once or twice for happy hour), but we go out for lunch and breaks (usually with a group of people) every now and then.

 

He treats me like a good buddy and he obviously watches out for my well-being. One time he even went out of his way to give me training when he didn't have to.

 

Granted, he could just be really nice and professional about his job, but I do feel that we have amazing chemistry. I don't even know if he can tell either (this could be unreciprocated interest). Personally, I have also treated those people who I like just like pals, but I noticed that I would give them a little more special attention to their likes/dislikes and interests (like he does to me).

 

I am whether most people treat others who they may want to develop a relationship with just a pal, or whether you are more careful about what you say around that person (i.e for fear of looking stupid), or is this a hopeless situation. (Maybe I'm already stuck in the friend-zone...)

 

Your thoughts?

[MadDog]

If I'm interested in a girl, I make my interest pretty obvious from the start. I would only treat a girl like a buddy if I wasn't interested in pursuing more. I'm but 1 man though.

[aleatoryd]

Hi Obsession. I'm a new member myself with lots of questions!

 

Us guys are much easier to read than you women - no really we are! So how we treat a girl depends on our personality. In my past I was very cautious and pessimistic (well very negative actually) because I had exprienced rejection and hurt. I lost my confidence and have only just started to regain it.

 

If this guy friend of yours is anything like I used to be he would probably be very scared of rejection and most importantly creating a difficult situation (at work and with your friendship). That is what kills us guys we worry to excess over the potential consequences of asking girls out. Still I guess you girls are no different LOL!

 

The problem is that we wouldn't necessarily see hints. We're rather ignorant you know! A positive thing is that you have a similar sense of humour and can talk about just about everything that is important. Someone once said that if the man stops talking with you and all he wants is sex then he finds you boring. LOL well not sure how true that is but it is definitely a good idea to find someone who you connect with and can talk forever and a day about nothing and everything.

 

To be honest most guys are simple beings and quite afew of us are more interested in personality beyond looks - yes we want some attraction but real guys know that "good looks" as the world defines them will eventually fade. We are supposed to grow old and more in love with our partners or else what is the point of being with them.

 

So, ahem, to give my opinion on your question. Firstly I try my best to treat all girls well - just how I was raised. I respect women who are strong willed and determined but still believe there is a role for the man and a role for the mother. Both should be equally yoked and while the woman submits to the man it should only be so long as the man does not abuse this trust.

 

If I really like someone then I start off wary by doing the friend thing. I think its important to have an underlying friendship - something deeper or we'd just end up driven by emotions and experience and these can change too often and too dramatically. Common sense would dictate taking it slow and getting to know a person.

 

I agree that if I really liked a person I would go out of my way more than is reasonable. I would joke, flirt and give them small gifts and other minor borderline friendship-relationship gestures. Thi would be to test the water. They could be seen as very close best friend sort of things or semi-romatic actions. Decent people look after and care about other people.

 

I would say that this guy sounds like he likes you more than a friend. I have learnt reccently that I need to be more proactive in my pursuit of the girl I like - not obsessive or like I'm some mach guy trying to drag her off! But I need to more clear about my intentions and try to get the woman I like to maybe meet up and go out.

 

The fact you get on so well suggests that while there is risk I don't think you'd lose anything by asking him out on a date - heck don't call it a date if that works better for you. Trust me if he agrees then you can slowly develop things and well when the time is right love will blossom (or so I'm told). The chemistry you have mentioned sounds to be a really good indicator that he likes you. "Special attention" that is a key thing - my memory is pretty poor but if I like a girl I memorise things!

 

Just because he seems to treat you like a pal well that just means he's comfortable around you. You are the woman and I'd say you have the power here - guys, we just sit and wait hoping to meet girls like you LOL! Very few guys hang around with girls unless we hope there could be a potential romance here. Seriously we can be pretty shallow - oh sure we treat girls with respect but "Special attention" that definitely means he has put you in a special category so go for it! Hope it goes well for you.

[obsession]

Thanks, Maddog and aleatoryd. It's great to get differing opinions. My initial thought was similar to that of Maddog. If he's interested, he would have made it pretty obvious from the get-go (a few close friends said the same thing). I was attracted to him only AFTER I got to know him, about 5 months after I met him.

 

When I first met him, he got out of a serious relationship (and I mean serious - it's his childhood friend). He lived with his ex, and I know he still talks to her too, so that is always my source of doubt because I don't know if he really is over her or not. I honestly don't think anyone ever really gets over their first love.

 

Thanks, aleatoryd, for your optimism! It's reassuring to know that I'm not alone. I don't have a lot of experience with relationships.

 

This guy I like is smart, confident, nice and easygoing, which is what I love about him. We joke, we flirt (at least I find that I do, consciously or otherwise) and I also gave him small gifts. He jokes with me and he helps me out when he can, remembers the little details, such as what I ordered for lunch. I don't know if he's being friendly or flirty. He is a naturally friendly person, so he has quite a few other female friends too.

 

It's just that it's been 2 years and well, nothing's happened. So I'm ready to chalk it up that he's just not interested that way.

 

Sometimes I feel like we're moving towards something more, and sometimes we're playing with mixed messages. I wouldn't say that we as women have all the power. If he doesn't ask me out or give me any indication that he's interested (besides being friendly), we couldn't really move forward! (And I am just as afraid of rejection as some guys are, so I always give guys a lot of credit for the courage to ask a girl out!)

 

Thanks for your post. I hope things work out too.