Lose a bestfriend to his control freak wife.

[ddnnee]

so it goes like this. we are both guys and we are best friends for like 10 years. we just like to sit around and play computer games. he recently got married and now his wife controls him like a puppet. today she told him that he has to stop seeing his friends or else she will divorce him.

 

of course she already has him totally controlled. She doesn't allow him to have any old female friends... and now he is not allowed any friends. The irony is it is okay for her to have friends and she has many guy friends. She claims it is okay for her to have guy friends. Another bad feature about her is she would often setup "dates" with other guys... one of which was me when i called her cell phone to ask for my friend, but she mistaken me as another guy and ask me out.

 

It bothers me none, but im curious to know what kind of girl would this leads to.

Questions: how often does this happen to people out there? Will my best buddy's wife cheat on him? What should my pussy-whipped friend do? I may send him here so he can resolve his problems with his dumb wife.

[johan]

Pat answer applies here. If he can't earn freedom and trust by talking/negotiating with her himself, then he needs to drag her into counseling so he can have an objective third party present to help them reason through this.

 

On the other hand, he does have responsibilities to her now, and you'll have to sacrifice time with him regardless. But you write it as if she is trying to have him cut off all contact with his guy friends, including you, and that's not very fair of her. Assuming you actually aren't a bad influence on him.

 

As far as the women friends, I believe that it's probably inappropriate for him to spend one-on-one time with other women. I believe there is little reason to do so unless one or both of them has a desire for something more. There are always those who think otherwise. This is just what I think.

 

I think it could be really hard for you and him to keep a friendship going on the same terms you had before. His lifestyle and values are going to change, and he may grow away from you. You have to be ok with that if it happens, without blaming her for it.

[Levelheaded]

I definately see the bad in this. I am witnessing a slightly similar situation with a couple that I know.

 

I personally don't think it's right to force someone to cut off contact with friends especially if the person doing the forcing isn't applying the same rules to herself. Why is it ok that she has guy friends but he doesn't have girl friends? This worries me because if the girl is that freaked out about her husband hanging out with the opposite sex, it usually means that she is guilty of doing something with her guy friends and she fears that he will do the same. But that is just a guess.

 

But basically, I think it's awful for someone to try and control every aspect of someones life just because they are married. Yes, he has responsibilities to her now but at the same time he can't completely change everything about his life just to make her happy because in the long run he is going to be miserable and he is going to end up resenting her. He has every right to have friends. He shouldn't be forced to cut everyone out of his life. It seems that she doesn't want him to have anyone around but her. She seems very selfish.

[ddnnee]

johan:

meh, before when he wasn't married, we kick it a lot... but after he got married, naturally he spends more time with his wife. i don't demand time from my friend (im a guy and he's a guy) at all. But his wife totally restricts him from seeing girls and his friends and family. Yup, his own family too. seems that she only wants him to spend time with her and her friends and family only.

 

levelheaded:

i knew this was coming... just throwing this story out for people to realize there are weird controllers out there. and ya, my friend gave me the ultimatum a few weeks ago. he said "my wife made me choose between divorcing her or dumping me as one of his friends". he chose to toss his friends.