friendship question for women

[Yamaha]

Ladies, when seeking out a male friend have you ever pursued a friendship with him or did you let him develop the friendship?

 

In other words, have you ever seen a guy and wanted him to be your friend or did the friendship happen because of his interest?

[Yamaha]

Any women want to respond?

[whichwayisup]

With one guy, we started off as friends, but the attraction was there from the start. We both knew (without it being said) it was only a matter of time before we hooked up to be more than friends.

 

The other guys I dated in my past were ones I knew sort of but not 'friends' first.

 

My now hubby, back then, we were friends for a while before dating. We knew eachother from work.

 

OK, so tell me about this girl...

[witabix]

I will be very interested to see the response to this Q as well.

 

I cannot recall ever being approached by a woman who wanted only to be my friend. I have met women who were friends of my friends and became 'friendly' in a platonic way,

 

Well girls let us hear your responses!!!!!!

[Yamaha]

With one guy, we started off as friends, but the attraction was there from the start. We both knew (without it being said) it was only a matter of time before we hooked up to be more than friends.

 

The other guys I dated in my past were ones I knew sort of but not 'friends' first.

 

My now hubby, back then, we were friends for a while before dating. We knew eachother from work.

 

OK, so tell me about this girl...

 

Nothing to tell whichway. It is just a general question that I have been thinking about and I thought I would post it. IT is not in regard to a women I am friends with now or pursuing. I have a stripper gal pursuing me and I am weighing wither I want to go out with her or not. Should be great sex if/when we hook up.

[whichwayisup]

Ahh k.

 

Well, good luck with the stripper!

[Art_Critic]

Just go out with her..the date will tell you if you want anything further..

No harm no foul ..

She might be a great person to be with..

 

 

 

Nothing to tell whichway. It is just a general question that I have been thinking about and I thought I would post it. IT is not in regard to a women I am friends with now or pursuing. I have a stripper gal pursuing me and I am weighing wither I want to go out with her or not. Should be great sex if/when we hook up.

[seachange]

...hmm. That's really interesting, actually. Theoretically speaking, I can't see why not, but in practice, I don't know if I ever have pursued a platonic "friendship" with a guy, as such. I've had platonic male friends from classes, friends of friends, etc. But I don't know that I've ever met a guy and said to myself, 'I'm going to make him my friend!!'.

 

I do think there were guys I might have thought would be great friends to have in that way, but maybe there's a deep-seated fear that a gesture would be taken the wrong way. I suppose if I had wanted to enough, I would have, though. But most of my friendships, with women or men, are more organic (start chatting in class, hanging out in groups, roommates, etc.) than pursuit-related, anyway. I guess pursuit implies a more intense personal interest.

 

Hm, I dunno. I'd be interested to hear other people's thoughts, too.

[Yamaha]

...hmm. That's really interesting, actually. Theoretically speaking, I can't see why not, but in practice, I don't know if I ever have pursued a platonic "friendship" with a guy, as such. I've had platonic male friends from classes, friends of friends, etc. But I don't know that I've ever met a guy and said to myself, 'I'm going to make him my friend!!'.

 

I do think there were guys I might have thought would be great friends to have in that way, but maybe there's a deep-seated fear that a gesture would be taken the wrong way. I suppose if I had wanted to enough, I would have, though. But most of my friendships, with women or men, are more organic (start chatting in class, hanging out in groups, roommates, etc.) than pursuit-related, anyway. I guess pursuit implies a more intense personal interest.

 

Hm, I dunno. I'd be interested to hear other people's thoughts, too.

 

I do think it is an interesting question. I have never met a women who looked at me and said, lets be friends. Sometimes friendships just happen but I am curious as to if women who like male friends actually think about making him their friend.

 

Do you see friendship qualities in them that you like and you want to befriend them?

[noclobber]

My now hubby, back then, we were friends for a while before dating. We knew eachother from work.

 

you were friends before u started to date? this is just unbelivable..

 

i always thought women never date their guy-friends!!

[noclobber]

...hmm. That's really interesting, actually. Theoretically speaking, I can't see why not, but in practice, I don't know if I ever have pursued a platonic "friendship" with a guy, as such. I've had platonic male friends from classes, friends of friends, etc. But I don't know that I've ever met a guy and said to myself, 'I'm going to make him my friend!!'.

 

I do think there were guys I might have thought would be great friends to have in that way, but maybe there's a deep-seated fear that a gesture would be taken the wrong way. I suppose if I had wanted to enough, I would have, though. But most of my friendships, with women or men, are more organic (start chatting in class, hanging out in groups, roommates, etc.) than pursuit-related, anyway. I guess pursuit implies a more intense personal interest.

 

Hm, I dunno. I'd be interested to hear other people's thoughts, too.

 

i tend to disagree... just a few months back i met a woman in a public place and had a conversation... one thing led to another, we became very close, went out a lot and eventually i started developing feelings for her... but she says that she only wants me as a friend. which implies that she might have told to herself "i am going to make him my friend" when we both met...

[seachange]

which implies that she might have told to herself "i am going to make him my friend" when we both met...

 

well, not necessarily. you said you met her in a public place - how did that come about? did she approach you and start talking to you, and actively invite you out a lot to do stuff as friends, rather than the other way around?

[noclobber]

well, not necessarily. you said you met her in a public place - how did that come about? did she approach you and start talking to you, and actively invite you out a lot to do stuff as friends, rather than the other way around?

 

well i met her in a train station... she was a total stranger when i met her... the very first sentence i spoke was "do you have the train schedule?".. we travelled together and had a wonderful conversation.. then we realized we live in the same town and then started taking the train together everyday... it was she that actively suggested that we do lunch, go to games, movies, etc... she sent me text messages everyday to make sure i travel along with her in the train.. well anyway, to make a long story short i started developing feelings for her... i guess its obvious for that to happen when u spend nearly 4 hours a day, 5 days a week with the same person and for a period of 3 months... i told her about my feelings and asked her out and she said she only sees me as a friend! i got burnt, especially when it was she that came after me... whatever man...

 

if u r interested in more details plz see my thread - rebounds at:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t74231/

[tinktronik]

Heeloooo, how is everyone today?

Most of my friends are men , to be honest, I cannot seem to find non-"catty" femals relationships, and seem to have more in common with men.If I meet someone I think is friend material I usually will have several convos and then have my s/o get their # so we can do something , coffee,a movie, dinner something together.I feel it's just more appropriate that way,it it's usually aparent to everyone around us that s/o and I are quite committed to each other, so there is no confusion about intent.After socializing together I am more comfy socialzing one on one with that person. I simply find in my situation that men have a broader range of interests and the conversation is better so I tend towards male - female friendships.

[seachange]

well i met her in a train station... she was a total stranger when i met her... the very first sentence i spoke was "do you have the train schedule?".. we travelled together and had a wonderful conversation.. then we realized we live in the same town and then started taking the train together everyday... it was she that actively suggested that we do lunch, go to games, movies, etc... she sent me text messages everyday to make sure i travel along with her in the train.. well anyway, to make a long story short i started developing feelings for her... i guess its obvious for that to happen when u spend nearly 4 hours a day, 5 days a week with the same person and for a period of 3 months... i told her about my feelings and asked her out and she said she only sees me as a friend! i got burnt, especially when it was she that came after me... whatever man...

 

if u r interested in more details plz see my thread - rebounds at:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t74231/

 

hey, noclobber - so, I read your thread. But it doesn't sound like it was ever exactly platonic, in the sense that I thought Yamaha meant. There was always an undercurrent of flirting, and you each had a hidden agenda beneath the "friendship" - you wanted to date her, and she wanted someone to flirt with who wouldn't add pressure and would therefore help her feel less screwy from her failing/broken longterm relationship. You were indeed a kind of rebound guy for her, though there wasn't a physical relationship. So I don't think it's exactly the same thing as a girl just randomly seeing a guy and saying, hey, let's be friends, k?

 

By the way, rebounds suck. Sorry for what happened.

[seachange]

I cannot seem to find non-"catty" femals relationships, and seem to have more in common with men.

 

I simply find in my situation that men have a broader range of interests and the conversation is better so I tend towards male - female friendships.

 

tink - really? Sure, there are plenty of inane women out there, but there are plenty of inane men, too, God knows. As for the catty thing...sigh. This sort of thing is frustrating to hear, because it's so generalizing. But I know it's a topic that's been done to death on these boards (I think there was a thread about it a month ago or so) so I guess there's nothing else for me to add on the subject.

[tinktronik]

tink - really? Sure, there are plenty of inane women out there, but there are plenty of inane men, too, God knows. As for the catty thing...sigh. This sort of thing is frustrating to hear, because it's so generalizing. But I know it's a topic that's been done to death on these boards (I think there was a thread about it a month ago or so) so I guess there's nothing else for me to add on the subject.

 

I certainly dont mean that all women are catty , but Im in my 20's and setlled down with kids .Many women my age are still boy crazy partying all the time , and I just dont tend to run into the ones that arent that often. I have found on here many women who are not catty , and are in fact intelligent and open. But the young women my age that I tend to find in the real world seem to be like a repeating episode of MTV.

[justagirl1121]

My experience with this is that my guy friends are all friends from college and they are my friends b/c my best friend/roommate started dating hte one guy and the guys were all friends, so we just sort of entered their circle...

 

However, I had a coworker who was just a coworker and we talked b/c we sat near each other and we talked with the people around us. I wasn't attracted to him, but over time I thought he was funny, and I guess we were office friends, and then I started to have feelings for him and we because fairly close friends. I think we both like each other but not sure. We still talk all the time even though we don't work together anymore, and I'm not sure if more will develop. But I wasn't actively seeking him out just to be friends, but it started that way.

 

And I don't think anyone actively seeks out a person of hte opposite sex to be JUST friends, I think though that any relationship needs to start that way...

[Yamaha]

And I don't think anyone actively seeks out a person of the opposite sex to be JUST friends,

 

This is my view as well.

[whichwayisup]

Men probably don't, but many women do.

[Yamaha]

Men probably don't, but many women do.

 

And why is that whichway?

 

Do you seek a male friend or does it just happen by association?

[westernxer]

Some women seek male friends because they don't get along with other women, for whatever reason.

[tinktronik]

Some women seek male friends because they don't get along with other women, for whatever reason.

 

ding ding ding ...we have a winner

[FataMorgana]

And I don't think anyone actively seeks out a person of hte opposite sex to be JUST friends,

 

well, make me feel a weirdo but I do

 

I have plenty of male friends and not just potential for relationship friends, some of them are married and happy in relationship, some are still single an looking...

 

I have met quite a few men in my life that I have found very interesting to talk to varying of ages from 25 to 70 (I am 35) that I found I have a lot in common with or I liked their sense of humor, life experiences, whatever...there was something in them that made me think...I really like this person, I want to befriend them and get to spend good quality tiem withthem...and I managed to pursue that.

 

some were positive about it and we are still friends and socialise as often as possible..(with family also involved as well if that is the case)

 

but I also have been in the situation I got knocked back cause I was trying to be friends and these people couldn't relate to being frinds with a female they didn't want anything sex with so thhye just cut me short...but give and take, we are all just people in the end.

 

so to answer your question, maybe I am weird but I have done it quite a few times in my life and still do, why would you cut out half of the population just because they happen to be the opposite sex to you, even if they don't want to have sex with you?

[tinktronik]

Fata , very good post , and I agree 100% why would you write off half the human population for friendship just because they were of the opposite sex.And MEN , would you write off the women as friends?