What's up with my platonic friend

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Lately I've been having some problem with a close guy friend of mine. We've known each other for about 4yrs, but first 1-2 yrs we're sort of enemies. Later we became good friends. We do a lot of things together, running races, training for marathon, etc. He's 18 yr older than me and i'm still married (getting divorce now). He always told me that if he's 20yrs younger, I'll be "in trouble". He sort of like me but he knows he is too old for me. So we're both in agreement that we're just friends and never anything more. But sometimes I have to questions if he has more feelings for me than just friendship.

 

Couple months ago, we went out together to karaoke for a coworker going-away. BTW, we work together, and that's how we met. Anyway, I was talking to another male coworker, who he knows has interests in me. While we were talking, all of a sudden he jumped across the room and grab my hand and demand that we're leaving. I was the one driving that night. After we left the karaoke in the parking lot, he told me that I shoudl go back in there since I was having such a good time, and that he should take a taxi home. The way he said it was in a jealeously way a boyfriend would say to his girlfriend. When I heard that I felt kinda of strange, but didn't realize it was jealeous until later. The next day he told me that he has feelings for me more that just friends. And he said he wants a break from me. That's fine with me. Couple days later, he apologized for his reaction, which was uncalled for, and we're back to normal.

 

Then over the past week, while I was going through the divorce, things started to creep up again. He seems to be more anxious than me in getting out of my marriage. He'll say things about me not moving out soon enough or not getting a lawyer, etc. Couple of times, he actually got upset at me because I didn't answer his call. One time I left my phone in my car, other times, i simply didn't hear my phone rang. But to me, that's no big deal, if I miss a call from a friend. I felt that he has girlfriend expectations from me. To me, I just think that if he's a true friend he shouldn't be acting that way. I have other close friends, that I miss their calls or they miss my calls all the time, we never have arguments like that. BTW, if the night before, I miss one of his call, i'll get the silent treatment at work, which everyone notices.

 

Last night, he was upset that I forgot we had dinner plan together. Honestly, I didn't remember making dinner plan with him. But he got upset again and wants to have a break from me.

 

So can someone tell me what's going on? I just think it's stupid to ruin a friendship over stupid things like these?

[Devildog]

Funny how blind we can be when we are involved in the situation.

 

I'll spell it out for you. He wants more than friends. Before, marriage and age were obstacles, but marriage was the main one. Now you are getting divorced. He feels he has a shot now, irregardless of the age difference. And so he is trying to stake his claim as it were before anyone else has a chance to.

 

But his actions show tendencies to be a controlling, jealous type of person. To get that upset over you missing a phone call is not a sign of a healthy, stable individual. Honestly, I think it is a possible indicator of a potentially abusive person.

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. He always told me that if he's 20yrs younger, I'll be "in trouble".

2. He sort of like me but he knows he is too old for me.

3. So we're both in agreement that we're just friends and never anything more.

4. But sometimes I have to questions if he has more feelings for me than just friendship.

 

1. This isn't something you say to a platonic friend. This is the type of flirtation that goes on when you want more than friends, even when you know it can't happen.

2. I expect he feels like he is 'too old' because he is afraid that you think he's too old.

3. People usually say stuff like this to convince themselves that what they are doing isn't wrong, or when they think the other person won't really want them anyway. It is no reflection on how he feels though. Its apparent he wants more.

4. Of course he does. He isn't acting like a friend. He is acting like a "friend" of the sort who wants more but can't have it.

 

You'll have to stop fooling yourself that he has only platonic friendship feelings for you. Knowing this, you'll have to ask yourself what your motivations are for keeping a "friendship" with someone when you know it isn't really friends at all, rather its a guy hanging on and wanting more. Is that fair to you to have a "friend" under false pretense? Is it fair to him to be kept around hoping for more, when you are never going to give it to him?

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Thank you very much for the good advice. Everyone around me said pretty much the same thing. I guess I am in denial. But today, I said something to me that upset me alot and I think that's it. He is just JEALEOUS.

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B/c of my divorce, I'm looking for an apartment in town which is close to my daughter school. I told me just a thought I'm considering moving to some place close to work. His first reaction was that I am so flicky and change my mind all the time. Later, he wrote a note saying that I'm moving closer to work b/c I can be closer to my BOY (he's refering to another co-worker that he knows has an interest on me). And we're talking earlier in his office, so I guess he saw us talking and got all jealeous?! Now even my other male co-workers are afraid to talk to me when he is around. Pretty much everyone is the office knows he is very protective of me. I was really angry that he actually say something like that about me. What happened this morning clearly shows that he is not a true friends. And I feel really suffocated from his controlling. I think I am going to maintain just business relationship with him. I'm so glad that I did not move into his apartment. He also offers to be my roommate if i need one. I know that he's going to be watching who i am with or who i'm dating when my divorce is over. And I know pretty sure that he is going to flip out of jealeous when I start dating someone other than him.