Tagalz Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 (edited) Hey! I’ve known him for 5+ years and we always hangout alot. I think that might change now since he recently got a GF He leaves me on «delivered» all the time on snapchat. He doesn’t answer my snaps or a message I’ve tried texting him but no answer and I’ve tried to call him but he always call back in a couple of hours and he’s saying «Sorry I was at work» He only sends me memes in instagram and it’s always late at night so I assume he does that because he’s home from work. It’s very hard to reach out to him especially on SMS and Snapchat. I think that he doesn’t have time for me anymore now that all the time he spends is going to the GF. My opinion is that if he is a real friend a GF won’t be in the way. As for him saying that he has work is BS. He just uses that as an excuse not to meet me. Like what are you possible doing at work 24/7? Everyone has time to meet someone after work. I was with him today and I confronted him by saying «It’s hard to contact you nowadays because you don’t answer me like before» And he’s just dodging me by giving a short answer like «yeah, yeah and yeah» But I did not notice any difference in he’s behaviour. What is you take on this? Should I end the friendship? Is he my friend? Edited June 25, 2019 by Tagalz Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 He has a GF. His priorities changed. You don't have to stop being his friend but you have to lower your expectations. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 If his GF is half as high-maintenance, you are right, he has no time for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tagalz Posted June 25, 2019 Author Share Posted June 25, 2019 (edited) If his GF is half as high-maintenance, you are right, he has no time for you. Are you sure? Because If I were him I would still make time for a friend even if I have a GF. I’m just saying that the excuses he uses is BS. It’s just proves that he’s not a good friend. Like how many time do you need to spend just because you have a Gf? I had a GF a year ago and I still went my way to make time for him but it’s complete the opposite to him. Also! he’s GF would understand that he needs some bro time and not just hang with her. I can’t understand that you think I’m right when I say that he has no time for me. He’s already ignoring me on Snapchat all that because of Work and GF. To me I’m considering ending the friendship Edited June 25, 2019 by Tagalz Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Priorities tend to change once we're in relationships. Don't end it over that. Take a step back and don't contact him for awhile and see how that pans out. Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Its his loss, but certainly for the best. You know what you have to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tagalz Posted June 25, 2019 Author Share Posted June 25, 2019 He has a GF. His priorities changed. You don't have to stop being his friend but you have to lower your expectations. I think the way he priorities things is wrong. I have had a GF before and I still went my way to make time for us to have bro time. Also he’s GF would understand that he has other friends too and cannot be with her all the time. It’s just BS when he’s using work and GF as an excuse. I’m highly considering ending the friendship. This just proves that he’s not a real friend and that I’m he’s second choice when it comes to friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tagalz Posted June 25, 2019 Author Share Posted June 25, 2019 Take a step back and don't contact him for awhile and see how that pans out. Yeah I could do that. That’s the last thing I do before I end it. I hope that doesn’t happend. TBH I’m not saying he have to priorities me first over he’s GF and work. in this situation I come in as a 3 choice. But still why would you make »work» a 2 priority when you have time to meet friends after work? It’s seems like when he uses work as an excuse it’s him meaning he have to work 24/7 which is not allowed in Norway Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Tagalz, what are you doing texting a mate during work hours? He might be backing away, but you need to learn boundaries. And yes, it's normal for a friend to come in at #3 behind partner and work. Or even #4 or #5 if you're not best best buddies. Our friends have lives outside of us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tagalz Posted June 25, 2019 Author Share Posted June 25, 2019 Tagalz, what are you doing texting a mate during work hours? He might be backing away, but you need to learn boundaries. And yes, it's normal for a friend to come in at #3 behind partner and work. Or even #4 or #5 if you're not best best buddies. Our friends have lives outside of us. And exactly how long should I wait? I cannot wait until one of them breaks up. I would have to wait 1-2 years or god knows how long I could be waiting. That’s why it’s better to end the friendship rather than waiting for he’s priority to change Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Sure, you could end the friendship but this is going to be an ongoing pattern no matter who your mates are. Better to accept that friends are a lower priority than partners and work. This doesn't mean that you have zero priority, but I do think your expectations are too high. Also, if you are messaging him too often, he will pull away. I'm married female and my bestie is married female. We speak somewhere between 1 - 3 times a fortnight. No annoying texts. We catch up when we can and we understand when life gets too busy. I catch up with another two besties twice a year. The trick is to have a circle of friends so that you don't become too reliant on just one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tagalz Posted June 25, 2019 Author Share Posted June 25, 2019 I’m highly considering ending the friendship Keep in mind that I wrote that I met him today and that I didn’t notice any difference in he’s behavior. Altough he’s using work as an excuse BUT how come that he met with me after work today? That’s what I’m trying to say to you readers that it is possible to meet friends AFTER work. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 If he can't message or meet during work hours, then work is a reason, not an excuse. It's great that he met you after work, but don't expect more than say, once a fortnight. And back off with the messages in between. Do you have other friends? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 I have a few friends who have been my friends for 2x longer then you have been alive. When we were younger, around your age & younger, we did stupid things like not make time for each other in favor of a new SO. It's just how people are. I get it. You are upset. You feel let down. He is NOT being a good friend. For all of those reasons you need to disconnect a bit. Recognize that he's in a different place, right now. That doesn't mean he will never come back. You have shared history. Don't throw it all away in a fit of pique. Step back. Find other interests & other friends. Things will come back around. I'll see if I can find you the link to a thread I recently posted about how IMO from my selfish POV, a woman I have been friends with for over 45 years is cutting me out of her life right now. Intellectually I understand she has some tough stuff to get through. Selfishly I want to be there to help, even if I'm not wanted. But I have to take the advice I'm giving you & let her come back in her own time. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 I don't think it's any kind of slight to you as long as he doesn't just disappear entirely. As you said he acts normal enough when you're around him. There are only so many hours in the day and keeping a lot of contact with different people can be exhausting. He's putting a lot of energy into his girlfriend which is pretty normal. you know there are friends who will just totally abandon you when they get a girlfriend or boyfriend so I think you should just be happy that he still tries to keep in touch and just accept that he can't do it as often now because you are not as big priority. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 Hard to argue with the three wise ladies above! I would caution against ending the friendship, you may still need this guy in the months ahead, making one or two new friends is the key for you, not falling out with the ones you have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 You don't want to be negative about him dating or his woman either. You should think of it as expanding your own social network. You never know you might even meet someone through them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 I can't stand friends who are too possessive of me. You are too possessive of your friend and can't accept boundaries. He has a gf and is cultivating a relationship so his priorities has changed. He'd rather spend time with her than you. I would suggest that when you get a gf you contact him to do couple things together. Until then you will just have to accept that you see him when you see him or end your friendship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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