Need an objective view on this situation....

[jackorsomething]

So me and this lad have been mates for around a year now and developed into each others closest friends.

 

We actually met gaming online but have met in person a few times since.

 

We had an argument about two and a half months ago and didn't speak at all up until last week, things are supposedly okay now.

 

What I realised during the time that he wasn't around was maybe it isn't a real friendship. I realised that it was very one way.

 

Normally, friends are supposed to support each other, be there when needed and try to bring out the best in the other person.

 

I've been that person for him but he hasn't returned the favour to me, AT ALL.

 

For example, I said to him that I aspired to reach the top of an organisation to which he replied "no chance".

 

Another example, I knew that he was struggling mentally in October of last year and tried to help and provide any support I could. When I was in the same position earlier this year, he didn't really care.

 

Probably worth providing two other bits of info:

1. His personality is one of incredible stubborness. He doesn't really tend to show emotions and doesn't like losing 'small battles'. (For example - when he added me to try and start a conversation after our two months of not talking, he didn't apologise or even reference it, just tried to move on.)

 

2. We had a small 'thing'. (We are confused teenagers - don't judge ) To be honest, I'm not gay (and nor is he) as we both like girls too so I think we are in the middle ground. I think he is afraid to admit this to himself and as a result of this, can be a bit harsh towards me.

 

Any advice on my situation anyone?

 

TIA

Edited April 27, 2019 by jackorsomething
Seemed a bit weird to say 'kiddo', changed it to reflect.

[preraph]

He's not your friend or anything. He isn't supportive. Worst of all, he doesn't believe in you or else is envious and doesn't wish you success. He doesn't reciprocate care and support. This is not anyone you should be cultivating. I think nearly any stranger on the street would be more caring than he is to you. Set some minimum standards for how you want to be treated and don't hang on to people just because you can. Let them go if they fall below a decent standard because if you don't, bad people will stay just because you're tolerant and good people will judge you for keeping them around.

[FMW]

I assume this is the same friend from your other thread.

 

I think you two just have a volatile relationship and it will probably never run smoothly.

 

My suggestion would be to spend time with other friends and get some distance between you. It seems you place more value on the relationship than he does. You are much too invested in what he says and does, it's in your best interest to limit your contact. I realize that might be a difficult thing for you to do, but value yourself enough to protect yourself from people that repeatedly cause you unhappiness.

[The Outlaw]

He isn't a friend. He was likely just being friendly to you when it benefited or suited him. And trust me, I know the feeling. But best to just forget about it the best you can, find a useful distraction, and move on.

[jackorsomething]

I assume this is the same friend from your other thread.

 

I think you two just have a volatile relationship and it will probably never run smoothly.

 

My suggestion would be to spend time with other friends and get some distance between you. It seems you place more value on the relationship than he does. You are much too invested in what he says and does, it's in your best interest to limit your contact. I realize that might be a difficult thing for you to do, but value yourself enough to protect yourself from people that repeatedly cause you unhappiness.

 

The thing is - I think he does put value on it. What frustrates me is that he never shows it, and I let that get to me.

 

I know you probably won't agree with me on that but I just have this gut feeling. It's not that he doesn't care, it's that he is too stubborn to show it.

 

Thanks for your reply.

[Foxhall]

yes buddy well do not get too hung up on this friendship,

 

the way I see it, you want a bloke to meet for a beer,

 

but you want a beautiful girl to have as a soulmate,

 

and to wake up beside of course,

 

so pay more attention to the ladies!!

 

that being said it is useful to have a wingman in this regard.

[salparadise]

S2. We had a small 'thing'. (We are confused teenagers - don't judge ) To be honest, I'm not gay and nor is he...

 

Yea, that probably was worth mentioning. As I read your post I was thinking, this guy's expectations for a "friendship" sound a lot like what you'd expect of a relationship with a girlfriend.

 

Of course there are male friendships that run very deep, but the depth usually takes a long time to build. There is no standard definition for friendship. It ranges from mere acquaintance to lifelong, like-a-brother kind of dedication. Meeting through gaming seems more like the former...

 

But then you had the "small thing" and that apparently means something different to each of you. You're talking like it ratchets up the degree of commitment to each other, but he may be thinking the opposite. Yea, he could be hiding from his feelings, in denial, etc., but maybe he simply doesn't want more than superficial involvement.

 

Tell us what exactly the "small thing" was, and what the argument was all about. Those are both probably worth a mention if you're really wanting to unpack this.

[jackorsomething]

Yea, that probably was worth mentioning. As I read your post I was thinking, this guy's expectations for a "friendship" sound a lot like what you'd expect of a relationship with a girlfriend.

 

Of course there are male friendships that run very deep, but the depth usually takes a long time to build. There is no standard definition for friendship. It ranges from mere acquaintance to lifelong, like-a-brother kind of dedication. Meeting through gaming seems more like the former...

 

But then you had the "small thing" and that apparently means something different to each of you. You're talking like it ratchets up the degree of commitment to each other, but he may be thinking the opposite. Yea, he could be hiding from his feelings, in denial, etc., but maybe he simply doesn't want more than superficial involvement.

 

Tell us what exactly the "small thing" was, and what the argument was all about. Those are both probably worth a mention if you're really wanting to unpack this.

 

To be honest mate, I have absolutely no idea how it started. He randomly just started saying he hated me over and over and over again. Not disliked me, hated me. Not being biased, but he was completely over-reacting for absolutely no reason and to this day I still have no idea why he did it. We completely blocked all contact from each other up until around two weeks ago.

 

I don't really want to go into the detail of the "small thing" was because we are both only 17 but it's what teenagers tend to get up to at 2/3am. Probably good to mention that this wasn't a once off, happened 8 or 9 times over a 6 month period.

 

Hope that helps piece together my story. I can answer anything else if it helps.

 

Thanks for taking an interest. I appreciate it.