My ex and my best friend

[windsailor]

Hello! So, i`ve been struggling with this for a couple of weeks now, and i figured some advice would come in handy.

Not long ago me and my ex broke up, we were merged into a very toxic, verbally abusive and controlling relationship, She was very obsessive about me, she would compliment me 24/7 about everything i would do or say, get jealous about anything i`d do or feel insecure about my feelings for her, she had such low self-esteem that i just ended up losing all respect for her, i would tell to my self, how can i love her if she just despites herself so much, she would want to hang out with me all the time but nothing interesting would come out of those encounters, just watching tv, having sex or having food together, over time things got out of control, i was very insecure myself too because i felt like her depression and insecurities would push her to cheat on me or do something stupid, since she thought i didnt love her enough... so anyways, after 2 years and a half she broke up with me because of too many intense fights and arguments, i felt completely drained and ended up hurting her verbally too many times.

 

1 week after breaking up with me, she ran to my best male friend, who happend to be her best friend before we started dating, but she cut off contact with him when we started dating.

Now my friend is telling me that she talks to him all day, and wants to see him every day, she gets mad if he says no, and it got to the point where he had to tell her that he didnt want too hang out with her all the time, she asks him to do the same things she would do with me, playing video games, having dinner together and just chill and do nothing, which he doesnt want to do because hes a very healthy and active person, so he usually just says no.

Last weekend, it was my best friends birthday, since he wanted me to be there, he didnt invite my ex because he knew i wasnt gonna feel good about seeing her again after all this time, she got insanely mad and told him some very hurtful things, he told her he doesnt want her to ever speak to him again or see her ever again.

The problem is, i know they will get in touch again, because i can tell shes dragged him into this toxic friendship, which was non existant before she dated me.

Do you guys think she learnt this toxic behavior from her relationship with me (i was her only boyfriend) and now that shes lacking it, shes trying to fill the void with my friend? should i just let them be until things get out of control and hes forced to walk away from it? I dont know how to handle it, i dont want her close to me or my friends, but i cant do anything about it.

[preraph]

It doesn't sound like your friend is going to put up with her clingy shenanigans anyway, so I'd just be lowkey and stay where she can't get to you or contact you and see if she moves on to the first guy she sees besides him, because I bet she will. It's good he's telling her no. She sounds like a mess. No, it's not your fault. That kind of insecurity and clinginess is a culmination of her entire lifetime, I'm sure. You didn't create a monster.

[windsailor]

Well, she blocked me from instagram a week after break up, and then unblocked me, so now we dont follow each other, 3 weeks after that she deleted me from whatsapp, soo i doubt shes planning on contacting me, not gonna lie i got pretty addicted to the constant attention and toxic kind of "love" so im still trying to get used to not having it anymore, we know drugs are bad for us but we have a hard time getting off them... ill take your advice and i`ll just let time put her where she belongs i guess, thanks for replying.

[Nnam]

Hello! So, i`ve been struggling with this for a couple of weeks now, and i figured some advice would come in handy.

Not long ago me and my ex broke up, we were merged into a very toxic, verbally abusive and controlling relationship, She was very obsessive about me, she would compliment me 24/7 about everything i would do or say, get jealous about anything i`d do or feel insecure about my feelings for her, she had such low self-esteem that i just ended up losing all respect for her, i would tell to my self, how can i love her if she just despites herself so much, she would want to hang out with me all the time but nothing interesting would come out of those encounters, just watching tv, having sex or having food together, over time things got out of control, i was very insecure myself too because i felt like her depression and insecurities would push her to cheat on me or do something stupid, since she thought i didnt love her enough... so anyways, after 2 years and a half she broke up with me because of too many intense fights and arguments, i felt completely drained and ended up hurting her verbally too many times.

 

1 week after breaking up with me, she ran to my best male friend, who happend to be her best friend before we started dating, but she cut off contact with him when we started dating.

Now my friend is telling me that she talks to him all day, and wants to see him every day, she gets mad if he says no, and it got to the point where he had to tell her that he didnt want too hang out with her all the time, she asks him to do the same things she would do with me, playing video games, having dinner together and just chill and do nothing, which he doesnt want to do because hes a very healthy and active person, so he usually just says no.

Last weekend, it was my best friends birthday, since he wanted me to be there, he didnt invite my ex because he knew i wasnt gonna feel good about seeing her again after all this time, she got insanely mad and told him some very hurtful things, he told her he doesnt want her to ever speak to him again or see her ever again.

The problem is, i know they will get in touch again, because i can tell shes dragged him into this toxic friendship, which was non existant before she dated me.

Do you guys think she learnt this toxic behavior from her relationship with me (i was her only boyfriend) and now that shes lacking it, shes trying to fill the void with my friend? should i just let them be until things get out of control and hes forced to walk away from it? I dont know how to handle it, i dont want her close to me or my friends, but i cant do anything about it.

 

 

 

First off I think something has to be done because this is not just about a toxic relationship but someone who needs help, and a guide back to having healthier relationships with people as she might do something drastic to herself. I am not saying it is your responsibility to try to help her, but because it is just the right thing to do.

Also you don't have to beat yourself up for her engagement with others.