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Clear Weather friends - ever heard of this term before?


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Old 16th April 2019, 7:25 PM   #1
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Clear Weather friends - ever heard of this term before?

I was reading an article on the Psychology Today website about clear weather friends, b/c I am trying to figure out if two new friends in my life fall into the "fair weather," or "clear weather" categories.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...eather-friends

Friend A - likes to agree to plans with me, but consistently will cancel at the last minute; sometimes will tell me better plans w/someone else are the reason, or not give a reason.

Friend B - is never wrong, even when they are wrong. I've tried to be assertive and use "I" statements with this person, so as not to attack them, and try to lead them to my point, but this person refuses to take responsibility for their actions. (I know, you can lead the horse to water, but you can't make it drink).

Both new friends tend to talk over me and not really listen to what I"m saying. And, if I express any negative feedback to them about something they've said, they deflect with "you're just overreacting." It's really frustrating.

My social network is rather small so that's why this is an issue for me, with these two new friends. It's hard to make new friends as you get older, I feel. And I am trying to.
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Old 16th April 2019, 8:09 PM   #2
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Well, reacting the same way you have been won't change anything. You have to react differently. With the overtalkers, loud and clear interrupt and say, "May I finish my thought, please???" or "I wasn't finished with my thought."

I still have some overtalking problems from childhood when no one listened to me and just started talking over me in my household. I try a lot not to do it now, but the best thing for me is to say the above.

With the one who's never wrong, you can always do the three year old routine: Why? Why do you think that? Now, why do you think that's a bad thing? Thing is neither of these sound like good friends. They sound like a pain. Right fighters are never fun, especially if they have nothing to back anything up, like they don't gather facts and are just popping off, which seems to be the norm.

Anyone who changes definite plans for someone else at the last minute, I'm done with them. Now, if the plans were tentative, then it's up to you to get a confirmation and remind them the day before. You can't pretend a "maybe" is a "yes." But either way you're low on the totem pole here, and need some better new friends.

Now the way I think of fairweather friends is they only want to be around you while you're fun, but they clear out if you have a problem and need a friend.
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Old 17th April 2019, 11:45 AM   #3
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Ditch them. No point in trying to be friends with someone who makes you feel bad or tries to belittle you. You deserve to have friendships with people that make you feel good and you can be 'you'. (wow I said a lot of "yous" in there!)

I have no patience now to deal with friends like that. Especially when they aren't authentic.
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Old 18th April 2019, 10:01 AM   #4
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I always thought this was an old Irish saying (where I am from) but I guess the phrase has spread further afield!


well I have come across plenty of these, people who will be your friends when they need financial assistance or whatever, but you will not hear from them or see them from dust if they do not need anything from you,


I don't know, it is easy to say ditch them, but what if your friends base is limited
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Old 18th April 2019, 12:08 PM   #5
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I would rather have no friends than “fake friends” ugh. I don’t have any real friends now, and honestly I’m more happy doing things on my own even if I have to force myself to go to certain places. As far as advice goes? I use google or post on loveshack forum and and prefer to get advice from strangers.
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Old 18th April 2019, 4:27 PM   #6
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At some point most people have to learn to do things on their own anyway because as you get older, friends are not available or not anywhere around or not alive anymore. Yes, I'd love to have all my passed away friends back in my life, but they've been gone since the 90s. I do miss having a few friends I can usually stir up a visit with or go do something. But luckily, I learned as a child to do things on my own and that's mainly how I do things now. It's without a lot of aggravation at least. I have one family member who can't make plans, so I really rarely ever try anymore. I tried once last week but i knew it was unlikely. She and you both want to wait until the most opportune moment to do something and that moment never comes. So I went alone. And it's a good thing because it turned into a bit of an ordeal parking.

Keep staying active in things you love to do and if you don't love to do anything out of the house, make yourself take up a hobby out of the house involving other people. Get on your neighborhood social media and do things within the community. In my neighborhood, that includes all sorts of things from game night to nature walks to community meetings and events. No, I don't do most of them, because I can't walk well, but I make a point to do some that I can do.
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Old 18th April 2019, 7:54 PM   #7
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Fair weather friends refers to those who are only friends when things are good - so the term doesn't fit your friends. Your friends are simply rude. Save your time for friends who make you feel better for having spent time with them.

Even the best of us can over talk. My hubby tends to overtalk and I do exactly what Preraph says - I wait till he's finished speaking and ask if I can finish what I was saying. When I do this, he will then listen His sister is far worse than him though and she won't ever take time to listen. I get annoyed at having to hang out with her. It's all about just how bad the behaviour is.
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Old 27th April 2019, 9:59 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Watercolors View Post
I was reading an article on the Psychology Today website about clear weather friends, b/c I am trying to figure out if two new friends in my life fall into the "fair weather," or "clear weather" categories.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...eather-friends

Friend A - likes to agree to plans with me, but consistently will cancel at the last minute; sometimes will tell me better plans w/someone else are the reason, or not give a reason.
I had a "friend" like this and she was no real friend. Due to her actions, I felt a lot of loneliness and feelings of unworthiness. I can be alone. If someone pretends to be my friend, then blows me off, that really messes w/me. One time I was literally in tears on phone after a failed exam, I practically begged her to hang out, but as usual she was too busy. I always saw pics on social media of her hanging out w/mutual friends when she would tell she was too busy to spend any time w/me. These people are not worth your time!
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