LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Platonic > Friendship

Friend in a foreign country asked for money


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Like Tree9Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 31st March 2019, 8:41 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 337
Friend in a foreign country asked for money

A while ago I met someone who lives in Eastern Europe and we've kept in touch. Since we first me she got married and has a few kids. Usually we'll just chat about whatever is going on in our lives and she's been talking about moving to a new apartment for her growing family.

In her last email she asked if I could loan her money since interest rates are so high where she is. This has been weighing on me and I feel very uncomfortable with the situation.

I don't want to lose the friendship, but I also don't want to get scammed. If I send her money it seems like that would create an awkward situation if she doesn't pay me back.

What should I do?
max3732 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st March 2019, 8:50 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,262
You're a friend, not a bank. Actually you might not even be a friend, at least as far as she's concerned. The answer to your question is clearly "no".

Just tell her "It's not something I do" and leave it at that.
Normm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st March 2019, 8:52 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Antipodes
Posts: 12,123
Don't ever lend money which you'd be sad to not have paid back.
basil67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st March 2019, 9:09 PM   #4
Established Member
 
major_merrick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,949
DO NOT DO IT!!! Lots of people in other countries pull at your heart strings via online friendships, and then after a while they ask for money. What are you doing chatting with a married woman anyways? Doesn't she have a husband to help her out?
__________________
God made man and man made kings, the kings rule man and they bring the suffering
The people rise up, they see it as a riot. They wanna have control so you cant be self-reliant....
major_merrick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st March 2019, 9:25 PM   #5
Established Member
 
preraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 24,151
Tell her you have what little money you have tied up in longterm investments, and that's if she knows you have money. Most people don't. If she doesn't even know, just say, Sorry, I don't have enough money for that.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st March 2019, 9:39 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 337
Quote:
Originally Posted by major_merrick View Post
DO NOT DO IT!!! Lots of people in other countries pull at your heart strings via online friendships, and then after a while they ask for money. What are you doing chatting with a married woman anyways? Doesn't she have a husband to help her out?
When I met her she wasn't married and we've just kind of kept in touch. I haven't seen her in person in years.

She said her husband lost his job and is looking for new work and they need some money while he's getting back on his feet. I've read about elder abuse and Nigerian scammers, but this is someone I've been emailing with for years and it really surprised me to see that request.
max3732 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st April 2019, 3:10 AM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 58,074
Quote:
Originally Posted by max3732 View Post
A while ago I met someone who lives in Eastern Europe and we've kept in touch. Since we first me she got married and has a few kids. Usually we'll just chat about whatever is going on in our lives and she's been talking about moving to a new apartment for her growing family.

In her last email she asked if I could loan her money since interest rates are so high where she is. This has been weighing on me and I feel very uncomfortable with the situation.

I don't want to lose the friendship, but I also don't want to get scammed. If I send her money it seems like that would create an awkward situation if she doesn't pay me back.

What should I do?
Say NO. You're not in her daily life, you are casual buddies who keep in touch.

What about her other friends who live close to her? Or spouse? Parents? Other family members. No, don't do this. Once you open that door she'll keep asking and it's very doubtful she'll ever pay you back.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st April 2019, 3:13 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 58,074
Quote:
Originally Posted by max3732 View Post
When I met her she wasn't married and we've just kind of kept in touch. I haven't seen her in person in years.

She said her husband lost his job and is looking for new work and they need some money while he's getting back on his feet. I've read about elder abuse and Nigerian scammers, but this is someone I've been emailing with for years and it really surprised me to see that request.
OMG, all the more reason NOT to give her money! She has some balls to ask you since you haven't see her in years!!

Again, why don't they ask immediate family members, cousins, aunts, uncles or even face to face friends for money. It is ODD to ask an email buddy!

Listen to your gut, don't do it.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st April 2019, 7:47 AM   #9
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 32,985
If you have some money that you can gift her with no expectation of repayment, do that. You can call it whatever you like but you need to assume that you won't get it back. If you do, great but if not, oh well.

If it's a larger sum & you want to be assured as much as possible of getting repaid, treat this like a business deal. Go hire a lawyer who practices where you are & where she is. Draw up a real contract that puts jurisdiction in your area so if she defaults you don't have to sue her there. Get it all in writing & have both her & her husband sign. If you are not willing to go this route, do not "loan" her the money. Some nonsense that you two draw up yourselves about repayment won't be worth the paper it's written on.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st April 2019, 9:02 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,262
Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Some nonsense that you two draw up yourselves about repayment won't be worth the paper it's written on.

Judge Judy might consider it.
Normm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st April 2019, 9:27 AM   #11
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 32,985
Quote:
Originally Posted by Normm View Post
Judge Judy might consider it.
She won't have jurisdiction. Both parties have to come to the studio & sign documents agreeing to be bound by the TV decision.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st April 2019, 9:32 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 1,649
You know people on this forum about as well as you know this lady at this juncture. Would you start handing out money to people here over a sad story?
Wallysbears is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st April 2019, 9:47 AM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,034
Quote:
Originally Posted by max3732 View Post
This has been weighing on me and I feel very uncomfortable with the situation.
That's your answer right here. No need to mull it over.

If she's a true friend, she won't hold you saying no against you. If she cuts you off bc you didn't want to give her a loan, she was not a friend in the first place.
littleblackheart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st April 2019, 11:21 AM   #14
Established Member
 
elaine567's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 16,955
NO, NO and more NO.

They are moving into a bigger apartment... so this is not about living hand to mouth, or starving children, is it?
She has a bit of a nerve asking you for money IMO.
I think she and her husband may see you as a bit of a soft touch...
elaine567 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st April 2019, 11:22 AM   #15
Established Member
 
Rockdad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 517
You do realize that should you choose to "loan" the money and the long shot you do get paid back, you will be the go to source from here on out for her short falls until the day you finally say no.
__________________
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
Rockdad is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Why Most Foreign Student Women prefer Foreign frie quietGuy13 Dating 4 7th July 2011 4:15 PM
Only Foreign students and Latino immigrants can date foreign Girls? Since same class quietGuy13 Dating 0 18th January 2011 10:50 AM
Learning a foreign language to impress foreign girls.... Admiral Thrawn In Search Of... 78 21st January 2006 5:56 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 3:13 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.