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what can i expect in a friendship like this


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Old 26th March 2019, 2:49 AM   #1
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what can i expect in a friendship like this

I met this guy at the end of last year in college. Back then I had some kind of a crush on him, and I think there was certainly something from his side too. Later on, without asking him, I found out that he's bisexual.

It is kind of disappointing obviously, but I take it for what it is. I also realized that is why there were occasions it was awkward where it wouldn't be with other guys. But good thing I never hit on him though, it was just kind of we could both feel something was in the air but no one else could tell, kind of thing.

Anyway, it's been a couple months since I last saw him. After contemplating on this, I decided I still want this person as a potential friend, no more than that. So I'm thinking I'll just add him to facebook and go from there. The thing is, I wonder what to expect realistically from his side, would a guy who once maybe found you attractive able to keep a platonic friendship? I mean he is a smart and nice person after all. After all, I can only control how I will act and say, and I'm wondering how to best approach this situation that it wouldn't turn out to be something awkward but something nice? Because I do feel a connection and we are on the same wavelength, like maybe we could be each other's besties, kind of thing.
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Old 26th March 2019, 2:06 PM   #2
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Add him on social media & see what happens. He has the right to reject your friendship but give him that choice.
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Old 26th March 2019, 2:10 PM   #3
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If he's bi and popular, he may be so busy he's barely on social media. He'll think you want him given the history there, what little there is. So if you really don't, not sure why you're pursuring social media because I doubt he'll be unbusy enough to start some big friendship with you.
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Old 28th March 2019, 6:31 PM   #4
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Are you saying that don't even add him to signal an interest in friendship or keeping in touch? The thing is I hardly run into him, so I don't want to miss a chance, that's all.
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Old 28th March 2019, 7:39 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deesw8 View Post
I decided I still want this person as a potential friend, no more than that. So I'm thinking I'll just add him to facebook and go from there. The thing is, I wonder what to expect realistically from his side, would a guy who once maybe found you attractive able to keep a platonic friendship?

I mean he is a smart and nice person after all. After all, I can only control how I will act and say, and I'm wondering how to best approach this situation that it wouldn't turn out to be something awkward but something nice? Because I do feel a connection and we are on the same wavelength, like maybe we could be each other's besties, kind of thing.
I'd say go ahead and send a FB request. Absolutely nothing to lose in doing that. Then just keep an open mind about what transpires.

Why do you want to limit it to platonic friendship if the two of you felt a spark? Are you afraid he couldn't be monogamous? Do you find the thought of him being bisexual repulsive? Are you even certain that's the case, or is it just a rumor someone whispered?

I just find it curious that you were interested, but the second you heard that he might be bi you crossed him off as a possibility.

Generally speaking, guys don't want platonic with women they're attracted to. It's not thought of a nice little consolation. But who knows...

Be authentic, don't make assumptions, be open to possibilities. Maybe he's only a 1 or 2 on the Kinsey scale. In fact, maybe you could watch the movie Kinsey with him and have a conversation.

We tend to think in terms of finite categories, but in doing so we overlook a lot of nuance.
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Old 29th March 2019, 2:03 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by salparadise View Post
I'd say go ahead and send a FB request. Absolutely nothing to lose in doing that. Then just keep an open mind about what transpires.

Why do you want to limit it to platonic friendship if the two of you felt a spark? Are you afraid he couldn't be monogamous? Do you find the thought of him being bisexual repulsive? Are you even certain that's the case, or is it just a rumor someone whispered?

I just find it curious that you were interested, but the second you heard that he might be bi you crossed him off as a possibility.

Generally speaking, guys don't want platonic with women they're attracted to. It's not thought of a nice little consolation. But who knows...

Be authentic, don't make assumptions, be open to possibilities. Maybe he's only a 1 or 2 on the Kinsey scale. In fact, maybe you could watch the movie Kinsey with him and have a conversation.

We tend to think in terms of finite categories, but in doing so we overlook a lot of nuance.
Thanks. You make a very realistic point- that maybe it's me who's a bit narrow minded now. But I feel that is the best decision. No, I don't know for sure if he's like gay/bi whatever, and I guess I won't know until later he talks about it. But like all employers he worked for were gay friendly or gay. Also he is fan of a celeb who is a gay man..it's just too many coincidences, if you know what I mean. With that being said, it's not about monogamy, just it'd always be in the back of my head someone who maybe intimate with me who has done that with guys, period.
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Old 29th March 2019, 7:02 AM   #7
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A man who’s bi would automatically be off my list as a potential partner. That wold be a total turn-off for me. Go with your instinct on that. You’re not being narrow-minded.

Send him an invite and see what happens. He’ll probably happily add you since you both seemed to hit it off.
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Old 15th April 2019, 9:41 AM   #8
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Let him add on facebook at least.

Quote:
Originally Posted by deesw8 View Post
I met this guy at the end of last year in college. Back then I had some kind of a crush on him, and I think there was certainly something from his side too. Later on, without asking him, I found out that he's bisexual.

It is kind of disappointing obviously, but I take it for what it is. I also realized that is why there were occasions it was awkward where it wouldn't be with other guys. But good thing I never hit on him though, it was just kind of we could both feel something was in the air but no one else could tell, kind of thing.

Anyway, it's been a couple months since I last saw him. After contemplating on this, I decided I still want this person as a potential friend, no more than that. So I'm thinking I'll just add him to facebook and go from there. The thing is, I wonder what to expect realistically from his side, would a guy who once maybe found you attractive able to keep a platonic friendship? I mean he is a smart and nice person after all. After all, I can only control how I will act and say, and I'm wondering how to best approach this situation that it wouldn't turn out to be something awkward but something nice? Because I do feel a connection and we are on the same wavelength, like maybe we could be each other's besties, kind of thing.

As you said there is something in the air, then he will definitely respond to you. So let him add on social accounts and find out the intentions.
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