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Losing friends to different stages in life


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Old 23rd March 2019, 5:17 PM   #1
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Losing friends to different stages in life

I used to have quite a large circle of friends who I'd known since school.

Now most of them have families with children and I don't and I feel like I'm becoming disconnected from them.

I don't use facebook, though I do have an account with all my friends friended.

The reason I don't use facebook is because I'm prone to write psychotic outbursts, and I know I would loose my friends fast if I did that.

However, as we seem to be moving apart anyway, owing to being at different stages in life, I'm thinking that I need to be more proactive with social media.

One idea I had was just to make sure I "liked" one post on facebook by one of my friends each day.

I figured that would be ok because I wouldn't actually be posting anything, but it would at least keep me in the picture so to speak.

What do people think, are there any other strategies I can use to keep my friends?

It has always tended to be me contacting them rather than the other way around and whenever I've brought this up, they've acknowledged this, but said that because it was always me contacting them, they assumed that if I didn't contact them it was because I didn't want to see them at the time.

I value my friends a lot, but recently have been feeling that our experiences are getting too far apart.

Any advice is appreciated.

Thank you.
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Old 23rd March 2019, 5:22 PM   #2
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Give them a call and arrange to meet, rather than interact on social media? That's what I do to keep connected with my friends.
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Old 23rd March 2019, 5:29 PM   #3
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I don't think that just 'liking' or 're-tweeting' other people's posts will keep you top-of-mind or make you a priority in their life.

In order to create a positive, mutually supportive and rewarding relationship, you need to take an active interest in all of the parts of those people's lives...
...even the parts that donít directly affect you, or that you, of your own self, do not find 'interesting, useful, valuable' to you.
These mutually-shared experiences then become part of what makes up the fabric of the relationship.
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Old 23rd March 2019, 7:51 PM   #4
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The friends you want to be close to, open up to them and tell them that you miss the friendship and want to spend time with them (and their family unit too).

Relying on social media like how you're doing isn't healthy and it's too easy to read into things that will be taken out of context or the wrong way. Do phone calls instead.
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Old 23rd March 2019, 8:54 PM   #5
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I'm writing the following with compassion:

In this thread you mention that your family is ready to disown you because of your behaviour. I suspect that your behaviour is not strictly isolated to psychotic outburts on FB or to your family members. Your behaviour could well be the reason your friends aren't initiating contact with you.

I realise that behaviour stemming from your mental illness isn't your choice, but nonetheless, if those friends have witnessed your posts on FB or seen it in person, it will cause them to keep a distance from you.

Last edited by basil67; 23rd March 2019 at 9:01 PM..
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Old 23rd March 2019, 9:05 PM   #6
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To each his own but I donít really think people need a large circle of friends. Just focus on a few close friends who you get along with the best and invest some time with them. Iím a little torn on the you reach out versus them. But if thereís no communication at all initiated by the other person thatís not a good sign. My one friend I kind of left alone for awhile and eventually got back to me. Just not as frequent communicator as me. If theyíre not interested maybe invest time in finding some friends with common interests.
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Old 25th March 2019, 5:18 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MetallicHue View Post
To each his own but I donít really think people need a large circle of friends. Just focus on a few close friends who you get along with the best and invest some time with them. Iím a little torn on the you reach out versus them. But if thereís no communication at all initiated by the other person thatís not a good sign. My one friend I kind of left alone for awhile and eventually got back to me. Just not as frequent communicator as me. If theyíre not interested maybe invest time in finding some friends with common interests.
My friends always get back to me when I contact them, it's just that they never initiate the contact. They're always happy to see me, and keep me grounded when I start to lose touch with reality. It is probably a burden on them, but they are good friends who really do care about me. The balance may have been off with my friendships, but I don't think they ever felt used. I honestly think they valued my company. I think the problem is that now they have families they have less time for me and also I cannot offer them so much support on similar issues as I don't have a family. I don't know what to do, I make friends easily, but they're not the same as the friends I've known since I was four.
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Old 25th March 2019, 6:04 PM   #8
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Stay connected through FB or whatever. Send Holiday cards. Call occasionally.

I just got all my friends back in the last few years as their kids went off to college.
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Old 25th March 2019, 11:11 PM   #9
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Facebook has nothing to do with it in my opinion. I donít have Facebook but I am still very much connected to my friends. Sure, I may miss out on the updated pictures of the kids and such, but I will simply ask them to send me pictures etc.

I do understand that mental illness isnít your fault and Iím not familiar with your story but I will say that having a family and children is a huge responsibility. It takes up a lot of physical and emotional energy. So, if any of your recent interactions with them or even several interactions with them have lead them to ďpull you back to reality,Ē I would say they may just not have the energy to be active in your life as much as you would prefer. Doesnít mean they arenít still your friend or that they donít think of you.

I have a friend with mental illness and I do reach out to her occasionally to ďcheck in.Ē
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