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Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 28th February 2019, 4:36 AM   #1
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"suggestions"

but her suggestions come out as slightly angry harsh-tone commands, so much so I learned to say "don't decide this for me", which felt easy and factual, which is when she said "they are suggestions"


I am 66 she is 50s - she is affecting me badly now with her harsh tone from a close friend that she was, it is an unexpected attack, I am lumbered with seeing her in my group.... I am her idiot-pet.... adopted and chained.... randomly picked at


I will stick to saying "don't decide this for me"....but I am aware that she want to feel/be better than me, competitive...


venting here.... I think I will do some "suggesting" of my own

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Old 28th February 2019, 4:45 AM   #2
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but her suggestions come out as slightly angry harsh-tone commands,
Tell her, "If they are just your suggestions, then don't bark them at me as if they're commands!" (in a serious, commanding tone.)

Or, tell her, "Thank you, but I'll ask when I want your suggestion...and then give it courteously, please."

Also, learn to not feel 'attacked' when people are rude to you or use angry-harsh tones on you. You're only her adopted, chained, idiot-pet every time that you think and tell yourself that you are,
and every time that you let her get away with her treating you like that.
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Old 28th February 2019, 4:47 AM   #3
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what is wrong with giving her a dose of her own medicine? just explain that...
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Old 28th February 2019, 5:00 AM   #4
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I agree...give her a dose of her own medicine -- that's exactly why I said to talk to her in a serious, commanding tone.
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Old 28th February 2019, 8:26 AM   #5
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what is wrong with giving her a dose of her own medicine? just explain that...
Two wrongs don't make a right...
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Old 28th February 2019, 8:30 AM   #6
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True. But demonstrating to people how they're coming across, so that they can also feel the impact, isn't 'wrong'.
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Old 28th February 2019, 8:41 AM   #7
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True. But demonstrating to people how they're coming across, so that they can also feel the impact, isn't 'wrong'.
And if the woman in question is a girlfriend, I would 100% agree with you, but I made the assumption she is OP's wife.

"Do you want to be right or happy?" - Author unknown
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Old 28th February 2019, 8:46 AM   #8
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And if the woman in question is a girlfriend, I would 100% agree with you, but I made the assumption she is OP's wife.
OP is a woman. I think this is just a friendship she's talking about.

My mom's twin is very much like this with my mom. It's not really in my mom's nature to "give it right back to her." It definitely can be really frustrating having to be around someone like this, but I'll tell you what I don't understand also about my mom.....just choose to not spend so much time together!
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Old 28th February 2019, 8:51 AM   #9
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OP is a woman. I think this is just a friendship she's talking about.
Oh... my bad.

Then I revise my suggestion, dissolve the friendship. No reason to put up with this.

Thanks "CautiouslyOptimistic" for the clarification!
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Old 28th February 2019, 8:53 AM   #10
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"Do you want to be right or happy?" - Author unknown
But, can anyone be happy feeling like one's partner's "idiot-pet...adopted and chained...randomly picked at"?
In any case, OP said, "I am lumbered with seeing her in my group," which does not suggest a romantic partner/spouse.
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Old 28th February 2019, 8:56 AM   #11
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Just be honest with her, if she's that harsh with other people she should expect the same in return.

Tell her you don't appreciate her tone and that it is affecting your friendship. If she continues treating you that way then emotionally distance yourself from her even if you still have to be around her.

It's a difficult and sad thing, but sometimes we have to end relationships when they are no longer in our best interest.
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Old 28th February 2019, 9:04 AM   #12
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In any case, OP said, "I am lumbered with seeing her in my group," which does not suggest a romantic partner/spouse.
Yes... my assumption that the individual was a partner was incorrect.
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Old 1st March 2019, 8:06 PM   #13
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You have to speak up and set boundaries. Do it firmly but not angrily.
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Old 1st March 2019, 8:14 PM   #14
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I don't know what is going on here from the original post. Are you a hen-pecked husband?
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Old 1st March 2019, 8:27 PM   #15
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what is wrong with giving her a dose of her own medicine? just explain that...
She won't recognise that you're giving her a dose of her own medicine. She will learn nothing and the behaviour won't reflect well on you.
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