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Just can't be supportive....Widowed friend involved with married man


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 28th February 2019, 5:55 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by Timshel View Post
Perhaps you expect too much from men and not enough from women.
Interesting perspective and in this case i can see why you would think that. In general though, NOPE, I hold people equally accountable. In this particular instance I do put the blame on him, I just can't help it. He has already been divorced once, he knows the drill and that he is not going anywhere. His situation also offers him more freedom than most, so the risks that are being taken scare me because it is not a matter of IF his wife finds out, it is a matter of WHEN. Cannot even imagine that situation.

She has no clue what the fallout of an affair can be... he most assuredly must.
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Old 1st March 2019, 1:56 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by WasOtherWoman View Post
Interesting take... i AM judging, but not her. I am judging him. If you see anger, (which i actually do think i am feeling, because he is likely going to devastate someone who really can't handle any more hurt right now) it is certainly not towards her.

I think the only thing that my past has to do with is that I know that if a man loves a woman and wants a life with her, he will make it happen. It really is that simple. For this man to cake eat with someone so fragile is just not ok.
I understand better now, sorry I misunderstood what you meant exactly earlier. He is jerk for taking advantage of her state of mind and situation. I assume we're talking less than a year since her husband passed away?

You're a good friend and all you can do is be there for her if/when the time comes this blows up and she ends up hurt.

But, with that said, she's probably a lot stronger inside than you realize and won't totally fall apart and crumble. She has friends and family to help her.
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Old 1st March 2019, 1:59 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by WasOtherWoman View Post
Thanks, I've tried, very gently, on many occasions. She simply does not want to hear it, so i need to just shut up. Hence my vent here. Having been on both sides of the equation myself and having read about this topic on these forums for many years, of course, i can predict the likely outcome. She has no knowledge of anything of this sort of thing, has led a very sheltered life. She is 100% bought in to what he is telling her.
Yes, you need to back off and let it go don't say anything else about her affair with him. She's a grown woman and even though naive, deep down she has to know that the affair will end eventually. You will be that friend to help her when the time comes.
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Old 1st March 2019, 9:20 AM   #34
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Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
But, with that said, she's probably a lot stronger inside than you realize and won't totally fall apart and crumble. She has friends and family to help her.
Unfortunately that is a big piece of this... only "couple friends" (who are not aware) and zero family at all. I think i just have to stop thinking about, it is going to give me an ulcer
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Old 1st March 2019, 12:29 PM   #35
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Yes, I think you just have to try hard and not think about it and let her know you don't want to hear about it.

She was married for many years, I assume, she understands men, she knows what marriage is, so she understands what she's doing. She surely can understand how SHE would have felt if her husband had done to her what this man is doing. She has to know what he's telling her may not be the whole truth. She's chosen to do this, she's responsible for that choice.

She's dealt with the death of her husband, she's wounded, but probably not nearly as fragile as you think.
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