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Is it possible that I'm just very very introverted?

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Old 24th February 2019, 8:31 PM   #1
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Is it possible that I'm just very very introverted?

I find that in almost every situation, I enjoy doing things completely by myself and the way I want to do them. For example, my roommates today were talking about cleaning and organizing the house together, cooking together, shopping together, etc. As much as I love my roommates, I hate doing these things with others - I generally work at my own pace and have my own way of doing things, and therefore I function best when I do these things alone. Any time they mention doing something together, I find myself making excuses.

The only exception might be when I'm at work - I work in a team environment and love it. I like discussing ideas with my coworkers.

I also do like social events, but only for a certain amount of time. My friends are very social and can spend hours and hours together, but I find myself needing to get away after just one hour. Social events are truly exhausting for me. But I'm generally friendly with most people, and have no trouble getting along with almost anyone.

The worst part is that in all of my past relationships, I would constantly think about how much nicer it would feel to do things alone. But maybe I was just never in the right relationship.

Is any of this abnormal? Do I need to learn to be more social?
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Old 24th February 2019, 10:31 PM   #2
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I'd say that ultimately it comes down to this: Do you feel negatively impacted by being not being as social as others or not?

Because if you are comfortable being who you are and you don't feel like there is anything holding you back in social situations (like fear of being judged, shyness etc), why should you change? People have different needs for socializing, and if you just happen to be one of those who don't need much contact and prefer solitude, then I don't see a reason to call that problematic if you don't have a problem with it.

For what it's worth, I'm similar to you - being lumped together with people in a room gets to me after a while, I enjoy just quietly following my interests more than going out, and no matter how much I love someone, I wouldn't ever want to move in with them without having a dedicated room for myself. Time has taught me that I need this space to decompress, otherwise I get irritated, stressed out and unhappy. It's just who I am, and the only time I feel bad about it is when more social people just don't get it and think they have to help me make friends or "get out more".

I can't say much about your relationships, but for me it's always been like this with partners, too. I can love somebody from the bottom of my heart and still not want to see his face around 24/7. I don't see anything wrong with that either, I guess I'm just not a good match for someone who needs constant interaction then.

So yeah, TL;DR: To me you just sound like an introvert, not like someone who lacks social skills.
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Old 24th February 2019, 10:32 PM   #3
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You sound almost exactly like me. I'd say you're an introvert. Maybe even an outgoing introvert like I am.
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Old 26th February 2019, 8:03 PM   #4
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I think you need to get with the program with your roommates and be cooperative and see if everyone does their part. It's a small sacrifice and your rejecting it is going to make them think you're not going to be helpful. If you don't mind it at work, why should you mind it with your roommates?

I don't like team anything at work, myself. I'm organized and don't want to end up trying to prop someone up who isn't, which I've found myself doing in the distant past.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
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