Sammy991 Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 I’ve been casually seeing this girl for about a year. We are just friends now as she’s not ready for a relationship yet since she’s finishing school and got out of a 15 year bad relationship. I’m fine being best friends with her. We go out nearly everyday and often spend up to 14-18 hours together just hanging out. She has 2 kids and they had a joint birthday party yesterday. When she planned the party she said I could come. Then she changed her mind and said it would be awkward for me sine the kids dad would be there and other family and friends I haven’t met. Me and her mainly hang out alone so I’ve only met 2 of her friends a couple times. And I know her mom because she lives with her. (She has mostly guy friends) Well she also said her mom said she didn’t want me there. I’m not sure if that’s true but I could believe it because her does talk bad people behind their backs. But regardless I was kinda upset I wasn’t allowed to go. Is that bogus of her ? Or am I just overthinking things ? Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 It sounds legit. Her relationship with you is basically a secret and you are aware that it is basically a secret. She is not ready to "introduce" you to all of her family and friends at her kids party and you being there would be an at that venue would be an awkward tine to introduce you . The party is for the kids, I don't think it's that big of a deal. I think your status with her is a problem if you don't want to be a secret anymore, but if you understand and are ok with not being "official" and being on the down-low, it's not a big deal. For me, at some point I would need her to include me more in her life but until I had that talk or until I wanted more than being a secret, I would not have a problem if she didn't invite me to her family events. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 I think it would be more problematic if she didn't invite you to her own birthday party. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 You are too involved. She saw you casually and now you are demoted to "friend". You are an orbiter and there is nothing for you here, so unless you want to stick around until she starts dating some other guy in earnest, then it would be best for your own sake if you started looking elsewhere now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 If her position had been consistent -- always keeping you at arm's length, I'd say that she sees you as a friend & didn't want to give people the wrong impression. That is still probably her view but she was rude about it -- inviting you, then un-inviting you. I'd put some serious distance in here because she is not a good friend. You can forget a romance because that is never going to happen but she's not even being kind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 She isn't ever going to be more than friends with you. No one puts that off for a year, I'm sorry. That was her letting you down gently. She isn't attracted to you that way anymore if she ever was. You don't need to go to a kid party! It's for kids and family. She doesn't want to explain you or get any questions and people wagging their tongues because she knows she's not ever going to have that type relationship with you. She doesn't want some aunt going, "What about that nice boy who was at the party"every time she sees her. Just realize it's not going to happen and stop expecting to get more involved. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 This is about keeping the peace, and having a day with family. If you are any kind of friend you will respect her wishes, and not question it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Casual, forget the whole thing. You're only casually seeing each other. If serious, and if I was a man and I really wanted to go to a kid's party I might crash the party dressed in clown suit and have a good time. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Casual, forget the whole thing. You're only casually seeing each other. If serious, and if I was a man and I really wanted to go to a kid's party I might crash the party dressed in clown suit and have a good time. like John Wayne Gacy? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 She is trying to keep this as casual as possible so if you went to her kids' party that means that you are her "date" to the party. Are you okay with this? She has said to you that she doesn't want a relationship, so I think you should keep your options open. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 You shouldn't introduce kids until you are certain of the realtionship. That's probably where you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sammy991 Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 I should also clarify that I do see her kids every day when we’re together and her kids like me. I’m thinking maybe her mom really did say something to her about me. Her mom is supposed to move out of state soon. So then she’ll be living alone with the kids. So I’ll wait until then to make any decisions. I’m guessing the truth will come out soon then. And I don’t mind how our relationship is going right now, I wasn’t really looking to date anyone as I’m divorced and her companship is good for now. It’s not like I’m wasting my time and not going out with other girls now because of her. If she wasn’t around I’d just be sitting at home as I’m not interested in looking for anyone my self. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Then there's no reason for you to be invited to family stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
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