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Difficult situation.


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Old 15th February 2019, 8:32 AM   #1
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Post Difficult situation.

I'll try to keep this short as possible.

I've been friends off an on with a girl who I'll name "B". Up until recently. Long story short, I was dating someone for 5 years (who cheated on me with one of B's friends) - in that time B confessed she liked me. We had sex a few times while I was broken up with my ex but the situation overall was messy and not healthy. My ex came back to me and begged me to take her back but at that time I wasn't aware she cheated, we had just broken up because of an argument. So, I took her back. B and my ex didn't like each other before I was even involved with either of them - for reasons I still do not know. My ex had asked me if I slept with anyone in the time we broke up, I said yes and told her I slept with B. To which she responded to tell me to cut her off or she'll break up with me. So I did. I told B we couldn't be friends anymore, she was heart-broken and kind of disappeared.

After I found out my ex had actually cheated on me. Twice. Once when we were first together and then a second time after we broke up and got back together. So I ended the relationship completely. Decided to focus on myself. About a year later, B popped up on the scene again and we hung out and had sex once, but something was off. After that one sexual encounter she text me a few days after ignoring me and said she's sorry but we can't talk anymore because she isn't over her ex boyfriend who she broke up with recently and wanted to try work things out with him. I respected that and took it on the chin, told her I hope it works out.

Another year passes, me and B haven't spoken - until a few months ago she went through a lot of trouble of asking my Ex for my number. My ex of course turned her down saying she doesn't have my number (she did) and then B asks a friend of mine who she doesn't know and that friend gave her my number. She texts me saying how much she missed me, tells me her ex was a big mistake, he treated her poorly, cheated on her numerous times, hit on her friends etc. So I gave her advice. I was her shoulder to cry on for a few days, but then anytime I asked to hang out, she'd ignore it. She was so vague and hot/cold. A few days ago she randomly text me after weeks of not speaking, showing me a picture of us from 5 years ago and called it "adorable". After that, I asked her if she wanted to hang out this weekend, she left me on read.

So, I got really irritated and told her I don't think we should continue a friendship. I explained why - saying I'm in a different place in my life, I want people in my life who are actually interested in my life, not just for when they're down and then ditch me on their good days. Truth be told, I actually missed our friendship very much and I wanted to just hang out with her and get back the friendship we had, one without sexual intercourse. I valued her opinions, we had a lot in common and would always have a laugh.

Anyway, she left me on read and either blocked me or deleted my number because her photo disappeared from Whatsapp after I sent that. I'm just confused because I thought she would at least say something like I'm sorry you feel that way and this is why I've been this way or some sort of answer. I guess she didn't value my friendship like I valued hers? I don't know.

I guess my question is, was this just some sort of mind-game or because she felt lonely perhaps? We were friends for 5 years so it's hard to swallow that I didn't mean anything to her.
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Old 15th February 2019, 2:55 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by Neuralgia View Post
I guess my question is, was this just some sort of mind-game or because she felt lonely perhaps? We were friends for 5 years so it's hard to swallow that I didn't mean anything to her.
There is no mind games. It is just a soap opera of a handful of people making bad decisions and screwing their lives up. Everyone involved needs to get some new friends and start conducting their lives with more integrity.
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Old 16th February 2019, 6:59 AM   #3
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I wasn't aware having a friendship with someone for 5 years was a bad decision.
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Old 16th February 2019, 8:17 AM   #4
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It wasn't a friendship - you were 'on and off"
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Old 16th February 2019, 11:25 AM   #5
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It wasn't a "friendship." It was an on again/off again FWB you two engaged in whenever either of you had been dumped or needed validation and the other was available to engage in it.
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Old 16th February 2019, 12:09 PM   #6
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It was a friendship. Regardless if we slept together or not, that isn't all we did. We slept together literally a couple times, doesn't automatically make us FWB. Those times may have been dumb decisions, but it doesn't take the fact away that we were friends for a whole 3 years without sleeping with each other or any "On/off" period. Those last two years we slept together and that is when the off/on began.

Regardless, who cares? I'm not here to get lectured on whether or not I was friends with this person, she was my friend. I'm here just for advice as to perhaps WHY she dropped me like a hot potato.
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Old 16th February 2019, 12:26 PM   #7
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Maybe when she left your text on read she was in the middle of something, or trying to figure out what was going on with her weekend, or just in a bad mood for some reason. Who knows.

Then when you sent the follow-up text saying you didn't think you should continue being friends she probably saw it as being an insult or kind of an attack on her. Maybe she's going through some other stress in her life right now and decided she just didn't want to deal with it so didn't make any follow-up response. Maybe she saw it as you being too needy or demanding. I'm not saying you were - I'm just saying MAYBE that's how she took it.
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Old 16th February 2019, 5:10 PM   #8
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I mean, you did the right things. You should, yes, ditch B when you're back with your ex because the reason your ex doesn't like her is she knows B was after you all along. Women know things about other women.

B was probably mad because you cut her off, but that's too bad. I mean, she put herself in the middle. Now she's probably treating you bad because she's still steamed about that. I believe she lost that little rivalry and is just mad about it.

Regardless, she's treating you crappy now, which isn't much of a shock. You have to watch what people do to other people and whether they have any ethics, not just how they treat you or if they're nice to you, to get the whole picture. I used to be super tolerant and lived by "but she's nice to me, so ...." and that's really not a good idea. She was right there waiting for a crack in your relationship like a vulture.
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Old 17th February 2019, 2:33 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Neuralgia View Post
So, I got really irritated and told her I don't think we should continue a friendship.
Quote:
I guess she didn't value my friendship like I valued hers?
I would guess that she thought that you didn't value the friendship, since you told her you didn't want to be her friend anymore. Don't end friendships because you get annoyed. Try to at least find out what's going on, first.

But I think it's too late for that. It doesn't seem like your friendship was as strong as it once was, and who knows why she decided to contact you after all this time. Don't dwell on it too much.
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Old 17th February 2019, 9:38 AM   #10
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I suppose that makes sense. I'm just in a different place in my life where I've actually experienced having positive friendships with people. I got away from that whole circle and my friends now are really amazing people. I thought her reaching out to me was a chance to make amends and regain some type of friendship but on her side it seemed like she just wanted a shoulder to cry on - I did try to speak to her on a few occasions about general things but she was so vague and it was one-worded replies.

Anyway, I have better friends now so I guess it is what it is. Thanks for your replies.
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