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About Friendships


MeadowFlower

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I don't have many friends. In fact I only have three, two of which are in my family, not that that makes them any less a friend. My other friend, our friendship isn't as good as it was before.

 

How do you get a close, loyal, friend. One that won't fade away. I know I'm not a friendly person, and I'm not an open person. Yes, I know, one needs to be friendly to have friends.

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I don't have many friends. In fact I only have three, two of which are in my family, not that that makes them any less a friend. My other friend, our friendship isn't as good as it was before.

 

How do you get a close, loyal, friend. One that won't fade away. I know I'm not a friendly person, and I'm not an open person. Yes, I know, one needs to be friendly to have friends.

 

I'm sorry. It can be lonely without friends.

 

Unfortunately, being open is part of having female friends. There's a woman I know who is a friend, but not a close loyal friend. The reason she's not close is because she's not open. Everything we talk about is small talk and it gets to be too much hard work.

 

What stops you from being open and friendly? Is it fear of judgement?

 

Edited to add: regarding wanting a friend who won't fade away: Friends come and go through different stages of our lives. It's normal.

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I don't have many friends. In fact I only have three, two of which are in my family, not that that makes them any less a friend. My other friend, our friendship isn't as good as it was before.

 

How do you get a close, loyal, friend. One that won't fade away. I know I'm not a friendly person, and I'm not an open person. Yes, I know, one needs to be friendly to have friends.

 

I'm a stronger believer, what you put into it is what you get out of it. What energy you put out in the world comes back to you.

 

If you want more deeper and long lasting friendships then you gotta put effort into it. You can be guarded but once getting to know someone, it's important to open up and trust and show that you're loyal too. That's how friendships are built and can be long lasting.

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Hi Meadowflower,

 

 

I sympathise with your situation, I have had and continue to have my own struggles in this area, it can be hard to be in a lonely place, no one is an island and we all need friends,

I suppose it is an issue more talked about between female friends, I perhaps as a guy would be more open about this type of thing than most guys generally, but I have no doubt if affects both females and males.

what I am working on myself at the moment is taking up hobbies such as squash and golf and trying to meet new people this way. It is not all plain sailing and I have to accept rejection and knockbacks along the way and keep trying.

feel the fear and do it anyway as it were,

good advice I got previously was never be too dependent on any one person or any one thing, as invariably the person or the item will eventually let you down.

but the main thing is we have to get out there, keep trying and so on.

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In ALL relationships, you get back equivalent of what you put in.

 

True friendships that are close and long standing take as much investment as an intimate relationship in some ways.

 

You both have to be willing to give 100% when necessary.

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I'm sorry. It can be lonely without friends.

 

Unfortunately, being open is part of having female friends. There's a woman I know who is a friend, but not a close loyal friend. The reason she's not close is because she's not open. Everything we talk about is small talk and it gets to be too much hard work.

 

What stops you from being open and friendly? Is it fear of judgement?

 

Edited to add: regarding wanting a friend who won't fade away: Friends come and go through different stages of our lives. It's normal.

 

Thank you.

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I don't have many friends. In fact I only have three, two of which are in my family, not that that makes them any less a friend. My other friend, our friendship isn't as good as it was before.

 

How do you get a close, loyal, friend. One that won't fade away. I know I'm not a friendly person, and I'm not an open person. Yes, I know, one needs to be friendly to have friends.

 

The thing is in life you get to know many people especially from school and some you can call «friends» and some you can’t say are friends. The point is it’s hard to find a loyal friend these days as many are fake’s.

 

Also you don’t really need 5-8 friends. If you have three it’s good enough even if the two is in your family. It’s even better because you almost automatically know them. Ask two of your family friends out and be social or to do something fun together.

 

I’m in the same situation as you. I had to cut off many people that I tought was «friends» and I was left with one friend who isn’t really a good one either but he isn’t fake.

 

At this point you have three options. Family friend don’t count. Ask your friend (not the family ones) to hang out and ask HIM to invite he’s friend. With that you get to know he’s friend and woallah you might have more friends.

 

The second and third options is to contact your school buddies or go to a meetup :)

Edited by Tagalz
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Here are all my friends.

 

Males

SM- My concert Friend

DD- Talk about life Friend

GB-Talk about our lives Friend/ work at the same hospital.

DT-Movie Friend

MK-My Chiropractor-High school Friend

MT- Talk about life/activity friend.

IC-Talk about life help him with House Projects Friend

BD- Childhood friend and we have been tight since kindergarten. No drop off. Talk minimum once a month.

Koe- Budhist Chanting friend.

CF- work friend. I go to his Rock show tributes.

 

SA/RW/MO/DS talk a couple of times a year= 2 times a yr sometimes.

 

TD/MW/MGoldman- Out of town friend

 

Women

 

DS- Lunch friend. We have a Nephew/Aunt relationship

AG-Brother/Sister friend. Lives in the States to my Canada.

JC-Dinner friend We talk about our lives a couple of times a yr.

JK- MK's wife. She is like a sister in-law to me.

AM- Lives in Australia. Talk on Facebook.

DD is my ex. I see her a couple of times a year.

 

Everybody else is an acquaintance/FBook friend.

Basically if I don't have you in my phone or FB your an aquintance. More if your not in my phone.

 

MO/DS are really tricky to get together. Mo is married without kids and DS is single without kids. I don't have kids. Its hard to get together, they don't make an effort as much. I feel like MO is actually busy. DS has some problem with me, but I don't know the real scoop about it.

 

MK and GB/IC are all married with kids and its easy to get together with them and they make the effort. I think its about connection. I guess that MO/SD are more introverted. MK/GB/IC are more extraverted.

I feel like I am mannered extravert. I talk to people, but not in a loud overbearing way.

 

Friendship has always been easy for me. Romantic Relationships harder. I will make a new friend before scoring a new female romantic prospect.

 

Those are the 23 people that I call friends. I interact with most of them on a yearly basis.

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Or you could start your own club through meetup or some other way. Still, they will be acquaintances, perhaps not friends. People to hang out with.

 

 

Too bad there is no friend store ha ha

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todreaminblue

friendships need nurturing..time and effort...forgiveness...respect.... honesty..but really one word encapsulates friendship really well that includes all the words i mentioned... and its simply love.....

loving someone means understanding who they are, what they stand for and respecting differences ......friendship means no matter how long it is between seeing each other when you do see each other it is like no time has passed....

 

 

lifer friendships.....are treasure.....or jewels .....priceless.....and i have this belief that god puts these people to be your lifer friends in your life and the opposite he puts YOU in others lives...you just have to be open and receptive to all people...

because you never know ......who or where that treasured friend comes from.....being non judgemental honest and open helps you see a new friends heart..and pretty much leaves you in a really good place to recognise how special all people are......good luck....deb.....

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yes. Friends would be nice, I agree with you there! I think it's becoming important to me again now that life's craziness in my 20s has petered out and I'm feeling more settled even if I'm not actually settled yet. I think I'm just getting older and ready to finally find people who bring meaning to my life. I want experiences with people, rather than brief interludes. Cheers; To friendships! May you gather some friendships that are close to your heart in your near future! God bless.

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 4 weeks later...

That's a good question Meadow. I talk to my uncle a few times a week at least but I don't think I've had a "friend" in about a decade.

 

Usually I get along with most people I work with and we find a way to have a decent, friendly time when working together but it doesn't really go much past that. I've tried a few times but it just never ends up well. The last time was when I was on a road trip with a few co-workers and they invited me to a sports bar after our shift, then talked about stuff I couldn't relate to the whole time I was there and seemed uninterested the few times I tried to chime in. So I spent most of my time just staring around while they yacked with each other. Learned to politely decline those kind of invitations after that. :p

 

If you ever figure out the whole friend thing let me know because it sounds nice.

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Friendships are a 2 way street. It’s really a hit or miss. You can be friendly, open, reach out, support all you want but it all boils down to the other person. Some don’t even care and in reality are “fake friends.” I prefer not to have any instead of feeling belittled

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I think in order to make good friends. One has to go out and join recreational activities. Church is a good way as well.

 

As much as I would like to have more Romance/Love from a woman in my life. I am very blessed to have great friends. I don't know if I could trade that away at this junction in my life.

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OatsAndHall
I think in order to make good friends. One has to go out and join recreational activities. Church is a good way as well.

 

As much as I would like to have more Romance/Love from a woman in my life. I am very blessed to have great friends. I don't know if I could trade that away at this junction in my life.

 

 

Agreed.

 

 

 

Over the last few years, I have made good friends by involving myself in activities outside of work. It was kind of awkward at first as I've always just had a close circle three friends but I moved away from them and had to branch out a bit.

 

 

 

One thing to remember; friendships come in tiers. I have my close friends that I talked to about most things and we have quite a personal relationship. I have good friends that I talk to about some things but avoid deeper conversations with as I don't consider them to be a "close friend" for a variety of reasons. And then I have friends who I just spend time with, enjoying the same activities.

 

 

 

The conversations and interactions I have with my best friend of 30 years are far different than I have with my fishing buddies. And, the expectations that I have from the friendships are different. My close friends know that I'll always be there for them and vice versa. If any of us needs to unload about something serious in life, we can unload on one another. Our friendships have been through thick and thin and we're more like family than anything else. But, I don't expect that of my fishing buddies as we're just not that close. Maybe we will some day but I kind of doubt it as our friendships work because they're light and fun.

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You have to be active and have interests and find people who have common interests by being active in those interests. When you're young, you're in school and get thrown together. Not so over 30, plus you have mothers peeling off and abandoning their friendships to focus on family, so it is really hard to find someone who wants to spend time with you after that. Once you have a family, you likely won't care about friends either but will end up with sort of fake friends with other mothers just to have someone you can exchange childcare with. Doesn't mean you have anything else in common though or that either of you have time for anything else.

 

So you need to join clubs, activities, volunteer and do things that you will continue to do into the future so you gradually make some friends. But I don't know what you really want since it sounds like you aren't open and friendly, so to be frank, don't see why anyone would gravitate to that.

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So you need to join clubs, activities, volunteer and do things that you will continue to do into the future so you gradually make some friends. But I don't know what you really want since it sounds like you aren't open and friendly, so to be frank, don't see why anyone would gravitate to that.

 

 

yes well while most of this is good advice, I think your last couple of lines are a bit harsh on Meadows.

 

Meadows, I think you just need people to give you a chance and give you time to get to know them and vice versa,

 

I have no doubt that you are very interesting and will be a very good friend for others,

 

well look, you know that I am on your side and I think that I can help you with this,

 

and I am sure you can find girl friends too in time,

 

do try and join one or two clubs, "it is good to talk"

 

 

(p.s- really looking forward to game of thrones tomorrow, the white walkers have landed!!)

Edited by Foxhall
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todreaminblue

i believe to find loyal beautiful loving kind friends......you need to be that friend..to embody what you seek....one of the ways i have found you become that type of friend.....is to understand and appreciate friendship and to do that you really need to go through a period where you have none.....to know what its like to have no friends...is to appreciate friendship and know the value a true friend has in your life...to know happiness fully you must understand sadness...to succeed you must know failure......

\

to have true friends with another you must know friendlessness..... to know true friends....you must be able to discern untrue friends....

 

friendship...is a rare and beautiful thing .....to attract such friendship ..so complex...and wonderful...

 

you must be a rare and beautiful friend first........i have been blessed with such friendships.....and i was and always will be...that kind of friend first......i take responsibility.....to be that friend that is special to another... and i really value friendship as a blessing...not as friendships i am entitled too ...but friendships i treasure because i feel blessed............deb

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