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Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 20th April 2019, 10:00 PM   #16
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That's a good question Meadow. I talk to my uncle a few times a week at least but I don't think I've had a "friend" in about a decade.

Usually I get along with most people I work with and we find a way to have a decent, friendly time when working together but it doesn't really go much past that. I've tried a few times but it just never ends up well. The last time was when I was on a road trip with a few co-workers and they invited me to a sports bar after our shift, then talked about stuff I couldn't relate to the whole time I was there and seemed uninterested the few times I tried to chime in. So I spent most of my time just staring around while they yacked with each other. Learned to politely decline those kind of invitations after that.

If you ever figure out the whole friend thing let me know because it sounds nice.
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Old 21st April 2019, 12:31 PM   #17
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Friendships are a 2 way street. Itís really a hit or miss. You can be friendly, open, reach out, support all you want but it all boils down to the other person. Some donít even care and in reality are ďfake friends.Ē I prefer not to have any instead of feeling belittled
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Old 28th April 2019, 10:51 AM   #18
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I think in order to make good friends. One has to go out and join recreational activities. Church is a good way as well.

As much as I would like to have more Romance/Love from a woman in my life. I am very blessed to have great friends. I don't know if I could trade that away at this junction in my life.
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Old 28th April 2019, 11:39 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
I think in order to make good friends. One has to go out and join recreational activities. Church is a good way as well.

As much as I would like to have more Romance/Love from a woman in my life. I am very blessed to have great friends. I don't know if I could trade that away at this junction in my life.

Agreed.



Over the last few years, I have made good friends by involving myself in activities outside of work. It was kind of awkward at first as I've always just had a close circle three friends but I moved away from them and had to branch out a bit.



One thing to remember; friendships come in tiers. I have my close friends that I talked to about most things and we have quite a personal relationship. I have good friends that I talk to about some things but avoid deeper conversations with as I don't consider them to be a "close friend" for a variety of reasons. And then I have friends who I just spend time with, enjoying the same activities.



The conversations and interactions I have with my best friend of 30 years are far different than I have with my fishing buddies. And, the expectations that I have from the friendships are different. My close friends know that I'll always be there for them and vice versa. If any of us needs to unload about something serious in life, we can unload on one another. Our friendships have been through thick and thin and we're more like family than anything else. But, I don't expect that of my fishing buddies as we're just not that close. Maybe we will some day but I kind of doubt it as our friendships work because they're light and fun.
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Old 28th April 2019, 12:07 PM   #20
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You have to be active and have interests and find people who have common interests by being active in those interests. When you're young, you're in school and get thrown together. Not so over 30, plus you have mothers peeling off and abandoning their friendships to focus on family, so it is really hard to find someone who wants to spend time with you after that. Once you have a family, you likely won't care about friends either but will end up with sort of fake friends with other mothers just to have someone you can exchange childcare with. Doesn't mean you have anything else in common though or that either of you have time for anything else.

So you need to join clubs, activities, volunteer and do things that you will continue to do into the future so you gradually make some friends. But I don't know what you really want since it sounds like you aren't open and friendly, so to be frank, don't see why anyone would gravitate to that.
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Old 28th April 2019, 4:14 PM   #21
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So you need to join clubs, activities, volunteer and do things that you will continue to do into the future so you gradually make some friends. But I don't know what you really want since it sounds like you aren't open and friendly, so to be frank, don't see why anyone would gravitate to that.

yes well while most of this is good advice, I think your last couple of lines are a bit harsh on Meadows.

Meadows, I think you just need people to give you a chance and give you time to get to know them and vice versa,

I have no doubt that you are very interesting and will be a very good friend for others,

well look, you know that I am on your side and I think that I can help you with this,

and I am sure you can find girl friends too in time,

do try and join one or two clubs, "it is good to talk"


(p.s- really looking forward to game of thrones tomorrow, the white walkers have landed!!)

Last edited by Foxhall; 28th April 2019 at 4:35 PM..
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Old 28th April 2019, 5:16 PM   #22
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i believe to find loyal beautiful loving kind friends......you need to be that friend..to embody what you seek....one of the ways i have found you become that type of friend.....is to understand and appreciate friendship and to do that you really need to go through a period where you have none.....to know what its like to have no friends...is to appreciate friendship and know the value a true friend has in your life...to know happiness fully you must understand sadness...to succeed you must know failure......
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to have true friends with another you must know friendlessness..... to know true friends....you must be able to discern untrue friends....

friendship...is a rare and beautiful thing .....to attract such friendship ..so complex...and wonderful...

you must be a rare and beautiful friend first........i have been blessed with such friendships.....and i was and always will be...that kind of friend first......i take responsibility.....to be that friend that is special to another... and i really value friendship as a blessing...not as friendships i am entitled too ...but friendships i treasure because i feel blessed............deb
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