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Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 27th January 2019, 1:54 AM   #1
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About Friendships

I don't have many friends. In fact I only have three, two of which are in my family, not that that makes them any less a friend. My other friend, our friendship isn't as good as it was before.

How do you get a close, loyal, friend. One that won't fade away. I know I'm not a friendly person, and I'm not an open person. Yes, I know, one needs to be friendly to have friends.
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Old 27th January 2019, 2:01 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by MeadowFlower View Post
I don't have many friends. In fact I only have three, two of which are in my family, not that that makes them any less a friend. My other friend, our friendship isn't as good as it was before.

How do you get a close, loyal, friend. One that won't fade away. I know I'm not a friendly person, and I'm not an open person. Yes, I know, one needs to be friendly to have friends.
I'm sorry. It can be lonely without friends.

Unfortunately, being open is part of having female friends. There's a woman I know who is a friend, but not a close loyal friend. The reason she's not close is because she's not open. Everything we talk about is small talk and it gets to be too much hard work.

What stops you from being open and friendly? Is it fear of judgement?

Edited to add: regarding wanting a friend who won't fade away: Friends come and go through different stages of our lives. It's normal.
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Old 27th January 2019, 2:44 AM   #3
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I don't have many friends. In fact I only have three, two of which are in my family, not that that makes them any less a friend. My other friend, our friendship isn't as good as it was before.

How do you get a close, loyal, friend. One that won't fade away. I know I'm not a friendly person, and I'm not an open person. Yes, I know, one needs to be friendly to have friends.
I'm a stronger believer, what you put into it is what you get out of it. What energy you put out in the world comes back to you.

If you want more deeper and long lasting friendships then you gotta put effort into it. You can be guarded but once getting to know someone, it's important to open up and trust and show that you're loyal too. That's how friendships are built and can be long lasting.
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Old 27th January 2019, 5:38 PM   #4
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Hi Meadowflower,


I sympathise with your situation, I have had and continue to have my own struggles in this area, it can be hard to be in a lonely place, no one is an island and we all need friends,
I suppose it is an issue more talked about between female friends, I perhaps as a guy would be more open about this type of thing than most guys generally, but I have no doubt if affects both females and males.
what I am working on myself at the moment is taking up hobbies such as squash and golf and trying to meet new people this way. It is not all plain sailing and I have to accept rejection and knockbacks along the way and keep trying.
feel the fear and do it anyway as it were,
good advice I got previously was never be too dependent on any one person or any one thing, as invariably the person or the item will eventually let you down.
but the main thing is we have to get out there, keep trying and so on.
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Old 27th January 2019, 5:41 PM   #5
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In ALL relationships, you get back equivalent of what you put in.

True friendships that are close and long standing take as much investment as an intimate relationship in some ways.

You both have to be willing to give 100% when necessary.
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Old 28th January 2019, 5:01 AM   #6
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I'm sorry. It can be lonely without friends.

Unfortunately, being open is part of having female friends. There's a woman I know who is a friend, but not a close loyal friend. The reason she's not close is because she's not open. Everything we talk about is small talk and it gets to be too much hard work.

What stops you from being open and friendly? Is it fear of judgement?

Edited to add: regarding wanting a friend who won't fade away: Friends come and go through different stages of our lives. It's normal.
Thank you.
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Old 28th January 2019, 5:04 AM   #7
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Yea, being open would help to build a closer friendship.
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Old 31st January 2019, 11:44 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by MeadowFlower View Post
I don't have many friends. In fact I only have three, two of which are in my family, not that that makes them any less a friend. My other friend, our friendship isn't as good as it was before.

How do you get a close, loyal, friend. One that won't fade away. I know I'm not a friendly person, and I'm not an open person. Yes, I know, one needs to be friendly to have friends.
The thing is in life you get to know many people especially from school and some you can call «friends» and some you can’t say are friends. The point is it’s hard to find a loyal friend these days as many are fake’s.

Also you don’t really need 5-8 friends. If you have three it’s good enough even if the two is in your family. It’s even better because you almost automatically know them. Ask two of your family friends out and be social or to do something fun together.

I’m in the same situation as you. I had to cut off many people that I tought was «friends» and I was left with one friend who isn’t really a good one either but he isn’t fake.

At this point you have three options. Family friend don’t count. Ask your friend (not the family ones) to hang out and ask HIM to invite he’s friend. With that you get to know he’s friend and woallah you might have more friends.

The second and third options is to contact your school buddies or go to a meetup

Last edited by Tagalz; 31st January 2019 at 11:46 AM..
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Old 4th February 2019, 6:20 AM   #9
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Here are all my friends.

Males
SM- My concert Friend
DD- Talk about life Friend
GB-Talk about our lives Friend/ work at the same hospital.
DT-Movie Friend
MK-My Chiropractor-High school Friend
MT- Talk about life/activity friend.
IC-Talk about life help him with House Projects Friend
BD- Childhood friend and we have been tight since kindergarten. No drop off. Talk minimum once a month.
Koe- Budhist Chanting friend.
CF- work friend. I go to his Rock show tributes.

SA/RW/MO/DS talk a couple of times a year= 2 times a yr sometimes.

TD/MW/MGoldman- Out of town friend

Women

DS- Lunch friend. We have a Nephew/Aunt relationship
AG-Brother/Sister friend. Lives in the States to my Canada.
JC-Dinner friend We talk about our lives a couple of times a yr.
JK- MK's wife. She is like a sister in-law to me.
AM- Lives in Australia. Talk on Facebook.
DD is my ex. I see her a couple of times a year.

Everybody else is an acquaintance/FBook friend.
Basically if I don't have you in my phone or FB your an aquintance. More if your not in my phone.

MO/DS are really tricky to get together. Mo is married without kids and DS is single without kids. I don't have kids. Its hard to get together, they don't make an effort as much. I feel like MO is actually busy. DS has some problem with me, but I don't know the real scoop about it.

MK and GB/IC are all married with kids and its easy to get together with them and they make the effort. I think its about connection. I guess that MO/SD are more introverted. MK/GB/IC are more extraverted.
I feel like I am mannered extravert. I talk to people, but not in a loud overbearing way.

Friendship has always been easy for me. Romantic Relationships harder. I will make a new friend before scoring a new female romantic prospect.

Those are the 23 people that I call friends. I interact with most of them on a yearly basis.
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Old 8th February 2019, 3:49 PM   #10
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Or you could start your own club through meetup or some other way. Still, they will be acquaintances, perhaps not friends. People to hang out with.


Too bad there is no friend store ha ha
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Old 8th February 2019, 4:11 PM   #11
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friendships need nurturing..time and effort...forgiveness...respect.... honesty..but really one word encapsulates friendship really well that includes all the words i mentioned... and its simply love.....
loving someone means understanding who they are, what they stand for and respecting differences ......friendship means no matter how long it is between seeing each other when you do see each other it is like no time has passed....


lifer friendships.....are treasure.....or jewels .....priceless.....and i have this belief that god puts these people to be your lifer friends in your life and the opposite he puts YOU in others lives...you just have to be open and receptive to all people...
because you never know ......who or where that treasured friend comes from.....being non judgemental honest and open helps you see a new friends heart..and pretty much leaves you in a really good place to recognise how special all people are......good luck....deb.....
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Old 21st February 2019, 8:04 PM   #12
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Yes. Friends would be nice, I agree with you there! I think it's becoming important to me again now that life's craziness in my 20s has petered out and I'm feeling more settled even if I'm not actually settled yet. I think I'm just getting older and ready to finally find people who bring meaning to my life. I want experiences with people, rather than brief interludes. Cheers; To friendships! May you gather some friendships that are close to your heart in your near future! God bless.
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Old 21st March 2019, 2:41 PM   #13
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OP, how old are you, if you don't mind me asking
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Old 22nd March 2019, 5:20 PM   #14
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too bad there is no "friend store".

Women put much more effort into it than men do, usually.
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Old 25th March 2019, 5:07 AM   #15
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OP, how old are you, if you don't mind me asking
I'm in my early 30s. Why?
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