Facebook and making friends

[mellow33]

I don’t have Facebook. In fact, I don’t have any form of social media whether it be Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat etc. But right now, I feel like I need to have a Facebook account.

 

When I was at school, I was friends with everyone. Everyone seemed to have general groups of people they would hang out with at lunch, whilst I was able to change between them all. I made friends through music, sport, extra curriculars. It was easy because I saw them every day at school. I never really had the time to hang outside of school in the final two years because I was busy studying or had a concert to perform or whatever. I had to study because I was trying to get into medicine.

 

So when I finished school, in retrospect I realise that I didn’t have anyone’s phone number except for a small core group of friends and no social media to connect with people I wouldn’t be seeing anymore. I didn’t have a problem with this at the time, which is why I say in retrospect, because I was glad to get away from it all initially. Over the holiday break I went to one party and that was it. Didn’t do much else. I started to feel a bit lonely and out of touch a week or two before I started at university, but didn’t need a solution to that problem because uni was about to start and I would be able to see everyone then.

 

I ended up at a university with 4 really good friends from school and a few others, and my best friend was studying the same thing as me, so I was fine for first semester. Even when he stopped coming to lectures in second semester I had one of my friend’s girlfriend doing the same unit as me so I was in the library with her a lot, so I was fine then as well. But after first year, even though I tried to organise and do some more stuff with my friends the uni holidays of three months dragged on and on. The feeling of loneliness started a lot earlier than the previous year’s break, probably because I had less things to do myself.

 

Then for second year my best friend changed what he was doing and left the university, and my friend’s girlfriend and everyone I know doing medicine (I didn’t get in) start having all of their classes off campus. So for the past year at uni I have had no friends. It doesn’t seem to matter that I still have friends on campus, if you’re not studying the same things then you don’t have any units in common and won’t see each other, and my friends don’t seem to text me at all to meet up or whatever. So I have felt quite lonely throughout the year, up until the end of second semester when I have finally started to feel normal again, had some people to talk to a bit, starting to see the same people every week. But now semester has ended and three weeks into the three and a half month break I have I’m already starting to feel a bit lonely again. I guess I’m used to having all of these friends but now I don’t have anyone to talk to during the day.

 

This would all be moot if I had made some friends who are studying the same things as me. Lectures don’t seem the right place to talk and make friends with people, which leaves you with tutorials, where I will likely see people once a week. It doesn’t seem to matter how much of a connection you make with people, they just disappear after a semester with the way the units are structured at my university. The way I understand it is that next year I will be seeing loads more of people doing the same thing as me.

 

It makes me wonder if I’m missing a step here, somewhere between making a friend during semester and actually seeing them ever again, without asking them for a phone number which is something that could be misconstrued if the person is of the opposite gender. Which is why I feel like I need Facebook. It seems like the perfect tool to send a friend request, establish that you are friends and chat a bit to make sure that they weren’t just talking to you because the group project needed to be finished. It would also help to connect with my old friends and get invites to hang out and go to parties, which I feel like people will send out on Facebook and sort of forget about me because I don’t have an account. Or the problem is, as I mentioned before, those friends don’t see me as someone to hang out with because I didn’t do any of that stuff in my last years of school.

 

The problem is, Mark Zuckerberg wants to know everything about me. Why do I need to sell my soul in order to access something that will potentially help me make friends? A quick look at the Facebook data policy tells me that by having an account, they will collect information from the device I use, all the way down to battery life, network connections and even names of files I have on my computer. Why does Facebook need to know my location, or have access to my messages and calls on my phone, and have this information shared with third parties? Facebook will have access to my internet history, so it should be able to learn my internet banking passwords, or my password to the online university systems. Given all of this information, I seriously don’t understand why anyone has a Facebook account.

 

So at the moment, the cons are just outweighing the pros. This is mainly a question for those around university age, but feel free for anyone to answer, do you use Facebook to make friends? Do you feel that this is an essential step in making friends and that I would benefit from creating an account? It seems like the solution I need, but annoyingly is a solution I don’t want to use. Perhaps someone could shed some light on whether Facebook already knows everything about me? I have heard that they create shadow profiles of people who don’t have Facebook and that third parties that I may deal with give information to Facebook anyway. In which case there is no reason not to have an account. This turned out way longer than I thought it would, thanks for reading if you got this far!

[Purepony]

Having friends on Facebook doesn’t make them friends

Real friends call you and hang out with you not just talk to you over a screen

[mellow33]

Having friends on Facebook doesn’t make them friends

Real friends call you and hang out with you not just talk to you over a screen

 

Hey Purepony, thanks for the reply. I totally understand that having a friend on Facebook doesn't make them a real friend. I might become 'friends' with a relative or a friend's parent on Facebook, but that doesn't mean that we're friends.

 

The problem is that, by your definition, I have no real friends. I think at school no one needed to include me in what they were doing outside of school, as I was constantly shifting around with different groups, so I have arrived at university without any friends to really hang out with as this has simply translated to there. And I have found it difficult to make friends at uni without a real way to keep in touch after a semester of working together. Asking for a phone number seems too personal and possibly creepy after just a semester, and Facebook seems like a much better way to say I would like to be friends.

 

It seems that everyone my age is using Facebook to communicate and organise the stuff you say real friends do like calling and going out places. Without Facebook, I feel like I'm missing out on these. Case in point, one of my friends asked me if I wanted to come to his party, said that he would add me on the Facebook event but obviously I don't have Facebook. So there are definitely opportunities to socialise with people that I am missing out on.

 

So my question is, do you think that I should get Facebook or not? Would it help solve some of my problems? I'm really battling with this decision because selling out my personal information goes against my moral fibre.

[Purepony]

I don’t have a Facebook and when I did it really was a waste of time for me but why don’t you try it out for a bit and see how you like it ?

[nospam99]

I strongly suggest that when you sign up for FB you create a new email address just for that purpose. My reason: I have an email address that I 'thought' was semi-private - I only use it for friends and family. Since I do have friends on FB, I used it to create my FB account. It is the only one of my email accounts that gets 'hooker spam', pretty much at least one such email every day. I don't think that is a coincidence. Just sayin'

[d0nnivain]

I love FB for keeping up with old friends. Thanks to FB I reconnected with my sorority sisters. We are closer then ever & it's wonderful

[snowboy91]

I've been reading through your post and I get the feeling that you're not putting in as much effort as you could be. You're saying you keep finding yourself not having people to talk to because your existing friends are off campus or doing different units. This is where you might need to step up and message your friends to meet up either during lunch or on the weekend. It's a big change from high school where you see the same kids in the yard at lunchtime and friendships happen organically from there.

 

With social media (Facebook, Instagram etc) you tend to be a bit more in tune with what is going on with your friends, and Facebook in particular is great for organising events. Without it, you might end up unaware of parties or other events that people are organising, so that tends to fall on you to keep yourself in the loop with everyone. What I'm saying is that it is possible to avoid using social media, but if you want to have a social life then you need to put in the work that social media does automatically for most others.

[Happy Lemming]

I strongly suggest that when you sign up for FB you create a new email address just for that purpose. My reason: I have an email address that I 'thought' was semi-private - I only use it for friends and family. Since I do have friends on FB, I used it to create my FB account. It is the only one of my email accounts that gets 'hooker spam', pretty much at least one such email every day. I don't think that is a coincidence. Just sayin'

 

I think you have a point. My girlfriend has a facebook account and gets all kinds of "SPAM"... you name it, she gets it. I have no facebook account (or other social media accounts) and I get very little spam, maybe a few per month and that is it.

[whichwayisup]

If you are looking to meet up with old friends, facebook is a good way to reach out but it doesn't 'build' a true friendship. Need to see them face to face, spending time with them.

[somani]

It is a good way to reach out to people but there are also other ways!

[snowcones]

I say don't sweat it and just make an account.