somebody else's pet?

[d0nnivain]

I'm pet sitting my friend's 2 dogs while she went out of state to spend Thanksgiving with her son.

 

Last winter I found what I thought was a tick on one of the dogs but couldn't get it out. She said she'd address it.

 

I don't see the dogs that much I didn't think much about the tick.

 

Now the dog has a HUGE growth on her shoulder. It's about the size of a large marble. She has lost a great deal of weight & is emaciated, especially near her back hips. Food is available. I have two bowls of dog food out in dishes in my kitchen; neither dog is really eating but they rarely do when they are with me. I know they miss their mom, my friend.

 

DH & I think the dog has cancer. I just found another similar small growth on the opposite side of the dog's head.

 

The friend is dead broke. She is in foreclosure & that has been going on for years. She's chronically unemployed. She filed for bankruptcy to save her house but then lost her job again & is now behind on the payments again.

 

We are willing to pay to take the dog to the vet & for treatment (up to a point). I'm not sinking $4 grand into a sick dog but she's miserable. She's having trouble walking. Her back legs go out from under her. She's shaking. Yesterday she pooped herself because she couldn't get up. That is usually The Sign that it's time.

 

Is it rude / presumptuous of us to offer? My friend loves animals so it's not neglect. It's probably a combo of not having the money & not wanting to face the fact that it may be the dog's time to cross over.

 

The friend's birthday is coming up. I could call it a birthday present. I used to get her a bottle of wine but this year I was thinking a grocery store or Walmart gift card. Is that OK? I don't want to make her feel bad. When she comes out with us I always accept her contribution . . . .like she'll tip the Uber driver but we pay for almost everything else. We try to keep her included in a normal way but we do more stuff at home so she can come.

[nospam99]

That is usually The Sign that it's time.

 

Is it rude / presumptuous of us to offer? My friend loves animals so it's not neglect. It's probably a combo of not having the money & not wanting to face the fact that it may be the dog's time to cross over.

 

 

d0nni, you know I think you're one of the wisest and most thoughtful 'answer ladies' on LS. In this case I think you're 'asking for permission' rather than for advice. It's not rude or presumptuous. You are almost certainly correct about the money AND facing the loss of a beloved pet.

[MidwestUSA]

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. Having had three dogs die of cancer, I can tell you the best thing to do right now is offer to have the dog looked at, and offer to pay for euthanasia after the vet tells you what he thinks it is.

 

If the dog is that far gone, the vet won't even need to do any diagnostics to tell you what the right course of action is.

 

In fact, if it were me, I'd go ahead, without telling her, and take the dog in and have the vet do a regular exam - no bloodwork, no X-rays - and give you the best 'wild guess' - I agree with the cancer diagnosis. Then explain to your friend what the most humane option is. That initial lump wasn't just a lipoma.

 

You're really close to that dog dying right there, in your home. I had one that told me 'it's time', and we did the right thing. I've been with every animal I've had put down; I can't imagine not being there with them thru that. If she can handle it, offer to take her. I found comfort in holding mine, while all the pain and tension left their bodies.

 

No, there's no reason to spend thousands of dollars. I did, and the end result was the same, in every case. It just bought us a bit more time.

 

You could offer to get the ashes back for her, but I stopped doing that as well. My vet and his group ent me a condolence card with my kid's footprints rolled onto it. If the vet doesn't do that, suggest it, or do it yourself. I wish I'd thought of it with my others, rather than get back of box of what, for all I know, was ashes from a BBQ pit. I have a couple on the shelf. In hindsight, it was a waste of money.

 

It sounds like you need to move quickly - best of luck. The second dog is probably not eating out of sadness. They know when they're losing their friend.

 

My condolences, and don't let her rush out a get a puppy, if you can influence her.

[MidwestUSA]

d0nni, you know I think you're one of the wisest and most thoughtful 'answer ladies' on LS. In this case I think you're 'asking for permission' rather than for advice. It's not rude or presumptuous. You are almost certainly correct about the money AND facing the loss of a beloved pet.

 

Agree. Not rude or presumptuous at all. Thoughtful, kind and generous is what I'd call it.

[d0nnivain]

Thank you both.

 

I just don't want her to feel bad about my offer.

 

My friend will be home later today. I'll ask her to call the dog's vet & make an appointment at my convenience. We'll see. Keep your fingers crossed that my friend sees this for what it is -- a kindness not a judgment.

 

The dog is doing better today. I have kept her warm she has a soft bed. Her spirit is OK.

[nittygritty]

I don’t think you should call it a birthday gift. Just tell her that you want to do this for the dog and you know how difficult it would be for her to do. That the dog appears to be suffering and in pain. Maybe cook the dog a special meal.

 

It’s incredibly kind of you to offer to do that.

[d0nnivain]

The dog has never eaten people food. My friend doesn't believe in it so I will respect her wishes on that subject.

[preraph]

Oh, can't stand to watch that -- and honestly, she shouldn't be leaving a dog that old and sick. She probably needs to be put down -- but at least a vet visit. My favorite old dog had 3 cancerous growths removed on the outside, and I said no to putting her through the expensive stuff and she lived and did fine. I no longer believe in putting especially an older dog through a bunch of procedures. It's very stressful and often has a bad ending. I believe in putting them down once they are unhappy. But it's her dog. She shouldn't have left a sick dog to you. Honestly, if she won't do the right thing, whatever that is, or can't, rather than think about that dog laying around suffering, I'd put Animal Services on her. It might not even be the growths but something else entirely, though. Maybe a bad infection, so needs to get labs and maybe sonogram, all of which would be about $600. Sorry you're having to deal with this.

[Timshel]

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. Having had three dogs die of cancer, I can tell you the best thing to do right now is offer to have the dog looked at, and offer to pay for euthanasia after the vet tells you what he thinks it is.

 

If the dog is that far gone, the vet won't even need to do any diagnostics to tell you what the right course of action is.

 

No, there's no reason to spend thousands of dollars. I did, and the end result was the same, in every case. It just bought us a bit more time.

 

 

Thank you for posting this (i cut some out) Midwest. Not long after my late husband passed from cancer, his long time companion pup was seizing and walking into walls. He was thirteen years old. I took him to the same vet he had his lifetime and he said the same to me.

 

 

 

I was with him when it happened and there isn't any way that would be different.

 

 

Donnivain, fellow pup lover, you are doing everything proper. Have a talk with your friend. You suspect she already knows, be honest with her. Talk to her as a friend and let her accept what is happening.

[d0nnivain]

We talked last night. My friend is still clueless about her dog's condition but she agreed to make a vet appointment that I can attend & DH & I will pay for it. DH suggested we also do a wellness check on the other dog. My friend was so grateful, she was moved to tears. Now I just hope that the growth is benign & can be removed or at least can be removed & improve the dog's quality of life. She did seem to rally when my friend got home so fingers crossed that I over-reacted based on how gross looking the growth was.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

We talked last night. My friend is still clueless about her dog's condition but she agreed to make a vet appointment that I can attend & DH & I will pay for it. DH suggested we also do a wellness check on the other dog. My friend was so grateful, she was moved to tears. Now I just hope that the growth is benign & can be removed or at least can be removed & improve the dog's quality of life. She did seem to rally when my friend got home so fingers crossed that I over-reacted based on how gross looking the growth was.

 

As someone who just spent (charged) almost $3,000 I do not have to have my cat's eye removed in an emergency, I would have been very touched by your gesture. I'm really glad your friend took it that way, too, and I also hope it's benign and her furry friend has many more years!

[amaysngrace]

I borrowed a cat and took her to the vet to get her current on her shots before returning her for the exact same reason. My friend, who I borrowed the cat from, was short on money because she was going through a divorce (from my exH, I didn’t know this woman prior to her involvement with him so he’s the reason we’re friends...but that’s a whole other story)

 

I’m looking into dogs close to death right now, my old boy Buddy , and saw they now offer Hospice for dogs where they’ll come to your home and keep the dying dog comfortable so you don’t even have to transport them.

 

I haven’t priced it, he did eat a little warm soft foods from our turkey dinner and has been drinking some water, but it’s something new I just learned about and wanted to share in case others were unaware of that service.

 

I think what you’ve offered is very kind and generous. I’m really happy your gesture was well-received by your friend.

[d0nnivain]

Pups have an appointment. Fingers crossed it's treatable or we can at least buy her a bit more of comfortable time.

[preraph]

We talked last night. My friend is still clueless about her dog's condition but she agreed to make a vet appointment that I can attend & DH & I will pay for it. DH suggested we also do a wellness check on the other dog. My friend was so grateful, she was moved to tears. Now I just hope that the growth is benign & can be removed or at least can be removed & improve the dog's quality of life. She did seem to rally when my friend got home so fingers crossed that I over-reacted based on how gross looking the growth was.

 

Yeah, she rallied, because leaving your pet for extended time puts a big stressor on them unless they're left with a second "parent." Donnivain, you and your husband are absolute saints. One of my dogs after I'd only had her about 3 months wouldn't eat all week while I was away. They're best off in their own home as well, but that's not always possible. Thanks for being such a nice person to your friend and her dogs. You are an amazing friend to her. I hope she really appreciates you.

[d0nnivain]

Yeah, she rallied, because leaving your pet for extended time puts a big stressor on them unless they're left with a second "parent." Donnivain, you and your husband are absolute saints. One of my dogs after I'd only had her about 3 months wouldn't eat all week while I was away. They're best off in their own home as well, but that's not always possible. Thanks for being such a nice person to your friend and her dogs. You are an amazing friend to her. I hope she really appreciates you.

 

We're about as close to 2nd parents as the dogs have. They have come over here before with my friend & they have stayed here. I think they knew she was coming back & here was a safe warm space.

 

I suppose I could have left them in their house & just gone over there but her house is a mess & really cold. I wanted them here. Plus it was more convenient.

 

I hope I didn't add to their stress.

[preraph]

Well, it gave you a chance to see to their needs, where she's apparently not been very attentive to them if she's acting like she didn't notice, so it's a good thing. This poor woman truly does have problems, doesn't she? You're a lifesaver to her. A cherry one.

[major_merrick]

If it is indeed cancer, there isn't much you can do. From what I understand, with dogs and cats it is difficult to get the cancer to go into remission. Most of the time it is just painful for them and prolonging their lives isn't often worth it. But I don't think it is rude or presumptuous to offer. Go ahead...they can always say no.

 

My husband had a dog in high school that got cancer. She died, in spite of being given a lot of expensive care. Recently, he had a cat that got cancer. After researching the options, he gave her palliative care until he figured she was starting to live in pain, and then he put her down. He was really upset about that. The cat's symptoms were much like what you describe...large lumps, no appetite, loss of weight, and lethargy.