My friend has been acting different and snarky towards me lately I find.

[ironpony]

I have a friend who would tease me for not knowing things about the world that most people know and she would just tease me and make fun of me because of living under a rock, or what not.

 

But lately for the past maybe three months, she has gotten quite snarky with it, like she would tease me with it but she would tease me in a way, in which sounds snarky to me like she is judging me or something.

 

I asked my gf who is always with me when I am around my friend, and my gf said she completely agrees and sees it that way too. My gf described it as, whenever she teases me about it, she slows down her voice and talks to me like I am dumb, as if she needs to slow down her voice for me to understand her properly, and it sounds more condescending when teasing, my gf said.

 

I feel that her teasing me with the change of tone, compared to before, has been going on for the last three months maybe, and it has happened around the same time she started hanging out with me and my gf, where it was just me before.

 

However, the timing may not have anything to do with it, and maybe just be a coincidence. I am just merely trying to guess what is different compared to before, and me having a gf is different. But that might not have anything to do with it at all.

 

However, I have been forgetting a lot of things lately, cause of memory problems, cause of insomnia I have been going through and working on, and so maybe, I am just out of it, brainwise, which has caused her to act like that.

 

But what do you think, or how should I approach this, if her possibly being more judging, is true?

[preraph]

Well, get more sleep, number one, because it certainly can make you dumb. I know it does me. Very dumb.

 

And maybe at least make a point of recording or watching the 30-minute CBS Evening News so you are at least able to acknowledge when someone is talking about something, or even easier, if you're in your car a lot, find a news station, or most stations that aren't strictly music will air a five-minute news on the hour. See if you have a CBS affiliate radio news station (but not the kind that are just radical pundits pounding their fists -- too much propaganda). Like here where I live we have an AM station that does traffic and weather and national CBS news each hour and a lot of local news. They're part of CBS, and that's one of the least slanted outlets, so that's why I suggest CBS affiliate. The worst thing is to get some propaganda news station. Don't do that. Then you can just listen in your car once a day and then switch over to music if you want and still be up to date.

 

I used to skip watching the news because it upset me too much. I did it for years. So I get it. And really, it is possible to just live without knowing any of that stuff, and perhaps more happily, honestly. I actually get depressed by it from time to time. So if it makes you depressed or makes you stay angry, don't do it. But in business, it's kind of important to at least know the general news happenings (but then never to discuss it more than vaguely or get into the politics of it).

[anika99]

Maybe your friend thinks she is being funny when she makes a production of talking slowly to you as if you are dumb. Maybe she thinks she's just joking around but if you don't think it's funny then it isn't funny. I think you should say something to her about it but do it in a calm and gentle way so that it doesn't blow up into a big fight.

 

Maybe something along the lines of "hey, I know you are likely just kidding around when you make fun of me but it kind of feels disrespectful to me and I'd appreciate it if you stopped doing that" If she's a good friend who cares about you then she will listen and try to treat you better.

[ironpony]

Oh okay thanks. I asked my gf's opinion if I was being overly sensitive and she said that no, it is coming off as snarky compared to before she felt.

[elaine567]

She's a friend who is used to having you all to herself now you are bringing along the gf and I guess she is angry with you.

I am not saying she has a "thing" for you, probably not, but it may just be that she is likely not too happy about your little get-togethers now always being gatecrashed by your gf.

[ironpony]

Hmm well she acts like she likes my gf a lot and they have a lot of laughs together, and when I asked her way before, what do you think of my new gf, and she said she really liked her, and thought she was good for me.

[healing light]

Life is too short to entertain crappy people. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with this "friend." Especially if she only started acting this way once I got a girlfriend--sounds like she either wanted you and is immature or she's jealous that she has to split your time. Either way, it's not okay to be a snarky turd to people who are supposed to be your friend.

 

Unacceptable that she would do this to you, as well, if she knew that you're going through medical struggles. If I noticed a friend was having difficulty recalling things, my reaction would be one of concern and support, not mockery.

[elaine567]

Hmm well she acts like she likes my gf a lot and they have a lot of laughs together, and when I asked her way before, what do you think of my new gf, and she said she really liked her, and thought she was good for me.

Yes, but that does not mean she is not peeved with you for changing the relationship. It was just you and her hanging out, now it is you her and your gf. She may love your gf, but she may still be missing the one on one with you.

Twos company threes a crowd...

[ironpony]

Okay thanks. Now I was just guessing that maybe me getting a gf was it, and that was just a mere guess. Do you think maybe it's something else entirely?

 

Plus I don't think she associated my medical insomnia condition with how my brain has been acting out of it lately, and probably didn't relate the two.

[elaine567]

Of course there may be something happening in her life that is making her feel disgruntled and she is taking out her frustrations on you..

[ironpony]

Well her cat has been sick for a while and died recently as well.

[elaine567]

Well her cat has been sick for a while and died recently as well.

 

 

Did you commiserate with her when it happened?

The death of a pet can be devastating.

[ironpony]

i expressed through texting but she didn't really get in touch for to get together to do so, so i figured she was too upset that week. I tried to commiserate the week after.

[ironpony]

Well, my gf actually suggested that I should spend alone time with my friend and have a few one on one hang outs as test to see if she really is jealous of not having the one on ones, and that way we will know if that is the actual problem or not.

 

A few days later, my gf couldn't hang out with me last night cause she had plans to go to a concert, and I couldn't go with her, but I didn't like the band that was playing anyway. I asked her if it was okay if I hang out with my female friend without her, and me and my friend were going to go to a party later, with other friends of mine, and the gf was going to meet us there later.

 

My gf said sure. She also told me to see if she acts any different around me when she is not around. So I went to dinner with my friend, and I thought that she acted very different around me when it was me and her only there, compared to when she was with my me and gf. She didn't make any remarks that I found a little snarky, at all.

 

Later on when we went to the party, and met up with my friends and my gf, I felt that she was back to how she was before after a bit, and acting a little snarky towards me here and there.

 

I asked my gfs opinion if she was again, and my gf said she interpreted it that way too. What do you think based on this, since she was acting different towards me, when we were alone?

[whichwayisup]

Well her cat has been sick for a while and died recently as well.

 

Sad stuff but that doesn't give her a right to crap on you and be rude or make fun of you. That isn't teasing, teasing is silly and light, she's being bitchy and trying on purpose to make you feel bad/stupid or whatever. Don't let her or anybody else make you feel that way. Time to speak up and tell her to stop treating you like that, and let her know that if she continues to be rude to you or make fun of you that you two won't be seeing one another too often.

[elaine567]

..So I went to dinner with my friend, and I thought that she acted very different around me when it was me and her only there, compared to when she was with my me and gf. She didn't make any remarks that I found a little snarky, at all.

 

Later on when we went to the party, and met up with my friends and my gf, I felt that she was back to how she was before after a bit, and acting a little snarky towards me here and there.

 

Yes, she is territorial and wants you all to herself. She resents your gf but being snarky at her would look petty and jealous so instead she takes it out on you, as after all you are the one who is bringing the gf along to "spoil" things...

Edited November 19, 2018 by elaine567
fixed quote

[Malin889]

My guess is she likes you. I don’t know how long you’ve been with your girlfriend, but when you were single, what stopped you from being with her?

[Zapbasket]

My guess is she likes you. I don’t know how long you’ve been with your girlfriend, but when you were single, what stopped you from being with her?

 

I was thinking the same thing--though it could be a bit more complicated in that she may not see you as more than a friend, but she's miffed that you don't see HER as a romantic prospect, because she's feeling low about her single status and insecure about her desirability.

 

Without her telling you that's what is up, or whatever it is, there's nothing you can do, except maybe calmly tell her, next time it's just the two of you, that you've noticed she has been a bit snippy with you lately and you wonder if all is okay with her, that you're here to support her if she needs it, and if you've done something to upset her you'd like to know so that you two can move past this.

 

Your girlfriend sounds really great to be compassionate towards your friend, and supportive of your friendship. She gave you some helpful advice.

[ironpony]

My guess is she likes you. I don’t know how long you’ve been with your girlfriend, but when you were single, what stopped you from being with her?

 

Well I was interested in dating my friend about two years ago, and I was single at the time, but she wasn't interested in kept me in the friend zone, so I accepted it and dated other women instead. But if she likes me in a romantic way, then why didn't she choose not to do anything about it this whole time, especially since I told her I was into her that way two years ago?

Edited November 19, 2018 by ironpony

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well I was interested in dating my friend about two years ago, and I was single at the time, but she wasn't interested in kept me in the friend zone, so I accepted it and dated other women instead. But if she likes me in a romantic way, then why didn't she choose not to do anything about it this whole time, especially since I told her I was into her that way two years ago?

 

Maybe she likes the attention. She is not interested in you romantically, but she wants YOU to still be interested in her romantically because it boosts her ego?

[elaine567]

People who are not interested you romantically can still be jealous and territorial when others monopolise your attention.

Guys can get jealous when their best buddy finds a gf and is not available to go for beers or go to the match, he always brings his gf with him.

Girls can get jealous when their best female friend finds a bf and there are no more girly nights or shopping expeditions, the bf is always there in the middle.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

People who are not interested you romantically can still be jealous and territorial when others monopolise your attention.

Guys can get jealous when their best buddy finds a gf and is not available to go for beers or go to the match, he always brings his gf with him.

Girls can get jealous when their best female friend finds a bf and there are no more girly nights or shopping expeditions, the bf is always there in the middle.

 

Heck, this afternoon my 17 year old daughter told me about how jealous a female friend of hers got today when another female friend gave her a hug!

[ironpony]

Oh okay, but I find it hard to believe, cause my friend is the really goodlooking women who probably has guys coming onto her, on dating sites that she has joined all the time, and what not.

 

So I find it hard to believe that it would be much of an ego boost to have my attention more.

[ironpony]

Last weekend, I mentioned before, how me and her were hanging out for dinner by ourselves, and she was acting very nice towards me like she use to.

 

But then when we got to the party after and met my friends and my gf there, I felt she went right back to being kind of snarky towards me again. It wasn't quite as bad this time, since it was a party with other people, but the tone was still the same I thought.

 

At the party, she met one of my guy friends for the first time, and later I asked him his opinion on whether or not he saw her that way. He says he kind of maybe thought so, but wasn't sure if she was kidding or not, since he just met her and all.

 

Later on through the week, my friend girl was messaging him all throughout the week after they met at the party, and she asked him all these questions like what is like, what does he like to do, and she messages him a lot, he told me. He says he is feels that she is trying to get him interested in going out, but he is not interested in her. After a week of her messaging him, and him not messaging her back so much, she sent him a message saying how she hasn't had good sex in a long time. He said what do you mean... And she replied back saying she likes it rough, etc.

 

So I feel like she is definitely interested in my friend. However, since it was said on here, that she maybe is jealous of my relationship, which is why she was acting snarky, could her messaging my friend throughout the week, and talking to him about how she hasn't had good sex in a long time, have anything to do with that. Or is that possibly not at all related to how she is acting towards me, and is a completely separate thing likely?