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How do I explain to friends that I don't want to go abroad on holiday with them now?


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Old 10th November 2018, 8:41 AM   #1
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How do I explain to friends that I don't want to go abroad on holiday with them now?

Every year for the past 3 years I've holidayed abroad skiing with a group of friends, one of whom I've known for 17 years. The group had changed a bit each year but the core group of 6 of us is still the same. This year I paid my deposit but I m now having second thoughts. I love skiing but over the last year I ve grown apart from my friends and hardly see them and the dynamic have changed. My friends partner doesn't seem to like me although is quite subtle about it. Then a new couple. The woman I m sharing with and whom I did last year is hard work to talk to and made a couple of snipey comments towards me as well as outside of our holiday just generally out socialising (e.g caught her rolling her eyes etc.). The holidays for a week and the group chat has started on Facebook whereby already we've been given nicknames for the holiday, with mine being one where I m the butt of the group s jokes. No one is being outright horrible to me but I m not really looking forward to spending my holiday with the group and reluctantly paid my £200 deposit to share my hotel room. I want to bail out but it would mean the woman I m sharing with having to pay the other half of her room or them maybe finding someone else, causing hassle. They d also think I've let them down. The holiday is in 3 and a half months and the full amount has to be paid in 5 weeks. What s a good excuse/ reason for getting out of this trip without looking like I've spoiled the holiday/ ruined friendship?
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Old 10th November 2018, 8:53 AM   #2
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Just say things have changed & you can no longer go. Do not elaborate but do make this announcement sooner rather than later. With 3.5 months to go, I'm sure they can find a replacement. But then you best also stay off the group on FB for a while, least you slip & start telling people why you are really bowing out. Confronting folks in this instance won't make things better. Still spend time with those of the 6 who you do enjoy but maybe in a less intense non-group way.
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Old 10th November 2018, 12:16 PM   #3
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I would give notice now but let them keep the $200 in case they can't find a replacement. I think that's the only fair way. That way, they shouldn't dare say a bad thing about you and you've taken the high road.
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Old 13th November 2018, 2:04 AM   #4
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I think you should go on the trip. You can't let a couple of people ruin your opportunity for a fun time with the rest of your friends who you do get along with. Those are the people you should focus on. You say that you've grown apart from them and hardly see them, well, this is why people take trips like this - to reconnect and keep friendships as you all get older and busier with your lives.

As I grew older, I allowed friendships to fizzle because I was too busy or too depressed or thought that nobody liked me. I regret that now. I wish I had put more effort into keeping those old friends. Don't be like me! Go and have fun. Ignore/avoid the people you don't like, and spend your time with the ones you do like. Is it possible to switch rooms with someone who you do get along better with?

And if you end up not having fun with any of them, just do your own thing. You don't have to spend any time at all with them. Wake up in the morning, do fun things on your own all day, then just show up to your room late to go to sleep. You can still have a nice trip. Don't miss out.
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Old 14th November 2018, 1:46 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by girlygo View Post
Every year for the past 3 years I've holidayed abroad skiing with a group of friends, one of whom I've known for 17 years. The group had changed a bit each year but the core group of 6 of us is still the same. This year I paid my deposit but I m now having second thoughts. I love skiing but over the last year I ve grown apart from my friends and hardly see them and the dynamic have changed. My friends partner doesn't seem to like me although is quite subtle about it. Then a new couple. The woman I m sharing with and whom I did last year is hard work to talk to and made a couple of snipey comments towards me as well as outside of our holiday just generally out socialising (e.g caught her rolling her eyes etc.). The holidays for a week and the group chat has started on Facebook whereby already we've been given nicknames for the holiday, with mine being one where I m the butt of the group s jokes. No one is being outright horrible to me but I m not really looking forward to spending my holiday with the group and reluctantly paid my £200 deposit to share my hotel room. I want to bail out but it would mean the woman I m sharing with having to pay the other half of her room or them maybe finding someone else, causing hassle. They d also think I've let them down. The holiday is in 3 and a half months and the full amount has to be paid in 5 weeks. What s a good excuse/ reason for getting out of this trip without looking like I've spoiled the holiday/ ruined friendship?
If you don't want to go, then back out. Let them keep the deposit (that's what they are for) and don't feel guilty or feel the need to provide a "good enough" explanation. For me, the nickname of being the butt of their jokes would be enough to back out with no explanation whatsoever (and to find a new group of friends). It's one thing if it's all in harmless fun, but if you are uncomfortable, where's the fun for you in that vacation?
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Old 15th November 2018, 1:12 PM   #6
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easy, you tell them quickly!!!!! but don't go through all the business of lies and stories, otherwise they may get it wrong about what you really mean, and then what happens if they invite you next year!!!! lol, you'll be writing to ask for another winter get out clause!


just say your not into that kind of thing in the same way anymore as things have changed. and if you lose your deposit then at short notice that might have to be how it is. but that's got to be better than suffering nicknames you don't want, games and subtle digs at you etc, hasn't it????


but whatever happens you need to tell them as soon as possible. also, just think of the relief and satisfaction you will have knowing they wont be able to fall back on you as their little scapegoat and joked about person.


maybe think about doing some other fun stuff whilst they are away or book something up for next year with the folks you do like.


I don't think if you are honest with them and say you made a mistake that they can really say or do that much.


just don't give them the opportunity to keep goin with this situation (even after you've told them, otherwise they're gonna get one over you. just be firm if they try to talk you into it and leave it at that.


good luck. just don't let them talk you round, it wont be good for your self esteem or what is supposed to be a fun trip away!


see ya. and if you do go somewhere without them, send me a postcard! maxi.X
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