mellow33 Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 Hi, I have this friend at uni who I met at the start of semester. As the semester wore on we got friendlier and spoke more often during our classes. During the second last week of semester we bumped into each other in the morning and studied together in the library for half a day and we also worked on an assignment together during the last week for a day. Fast forward to study break and I drop into the library midweek for an hour and see her there. She was wearing a long sleeve jumper and I noticed that she had a ring on her ring finger. Before I left I asked if she was going to be there the next day and she said yes. When I get there the next day she was wearing a long sleeved top showing a nice bit of cleavage and I also notice that the ring is now on her middle finger. She asked me this time if I was going to be there the next day. The next day she had some overalls on which showed a bit more cleavage, same thing as the previous day with the ring. I'm not sure how much I should be reading into this. Is it as simple as not knowing I'd be there, and then putting in a bigger effort with her clothes knowing that I would? Or is she trying tell me she might be interested in something more than friends? Also have no idea if the ring is a signal at all, but I thought I would include it in case you guys think it might be. I'm a bit hopeless with these kinds of things Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 Welcome to LS! You could simply ask her, how is her fiance doing these days? That would naturally transition to a conversation about the ring. Women frequently dress up for their own personal satisfaction to get other men's attention, then accuse men of harassment if they are too forward in their remarks about the woman's clothes. It's the same philosophy as, well, if you make your house nice, it's equally likely to be burgled as the house which is not nicely tidied up. Therefore you should make your house look good anyway. She may not be looking for male attention - just personal satisfaction. So just ask her out since you like her this much. And go for something fun and relaxing in her opinion, not in your opinion. Start on the right foot; you are on the edge of being perceived as nervous nelly, which is lack of confidence in a woman's book. You can still start a great thing if she is ready. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 Her choice of outfits or jewelry is not a signal. Right now you are somebody she studies with. If you want to be more, ask about the ring . . point blank "Are congratulations in order, did you get engaged?" If she tells you she is single ask her to get a cup of coffee with you. Over coffee ask her on a proper date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mellow33 Posted November 5, 2018 Author Share Posted November 5, 2018 Thanks for the replies! Yeah, I thought that I was reading too much into what she was wearing. I was just surprised by the way it sort of went from zero to 100 and thought that she might have been putting more effort in to impress, but hey if I knew I was going to see someone, anyone, I would put an effort into what I wear. She's been wearing the ring for the whole semester, so I think it's just a piece of jewellery and at our ages I don't think she's getting married. I brought it up because it could possibly be to deter attention by being on her ring finger, and knowing she would be seeing me she changed the finger? Quite the stretch, I know. She is really warm and friendly, but this seems to be common in most of her interactions with others so I'm being careful about reading too much into what she says or does. I was under the impression that she had a boyfriend from something she said to someone else mid-way through semester that implied she was living with a guy, so I've just tried to be friendly. However she hasn't actually said anything to me about this guy or to anyone else since. And she has had opportunities to slip it in there, such as a story about getting drunk on the weekend, or talking about some people she had to visit. This in addition to the late night studying, wouldn't you want to be at home with your boyfriend instead? Entirely possible she lives with her brother or something, or her boyfriend works a night job or whoever she mentioned doesn't actually live with her etc. I feel that for the time I have known her it would have been mentioned at some point, like she could've said I got drunk but it was ok because my boyfriend was there? Something like that. Anyway, the paragraph above was a bit of rambling. Feels like I'm trying to look for signs that aren't really there. If I get the courage to ask her out then it will have to be before the end of the week, otherwise I probably won't see her for a few months before uni starts again. However if nothing eventuates then I'm really just happy to be friends because she's really nice to be around. Thanks LS, I'll hopefully keep you updated Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 5, 2018 Share Posted November 5, 2018 Just ask her. Ask her about who she lives with, whether she's on or off campus, how many roommates, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 5, 2018 Share Posted November 5, 2018 If you don't know what her social life looks like, then I'd suggest you barely know her at all. Next time you study, see if she wants a beer afterwards. Not a date, just hanging out getting to know each other. If you find she's single AND the two of you converse easily and comfortably, then ask her on a date. Of course, there's always the risk that she's not interested and it will become awkward and you'll lose a good study buddy. For this reason, I'd suggest dating outside of your own degree. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mellow33 Posted November 8, 2018 Author Share Posted November 8, 2018 No worries everyone, found out today that she does have a boyfriend and I didn't have to embarrass myself by asking her out or anything! Thanks for the advice. Now my only question is why she has a boyfriend who lives with her but then spends her nights in the library? But hey, none of my business I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 . Now my only question is why she has a boyfriend who lives with her but then spends her nights in the library? But hey, none of my business I guess. She studies at the library because she cares about school & her grades. There is a time for play & romance at home with the BF. And there is a time for being serious & securing a bright future by doing her work at the library. She is not in the library trolling for a BF. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mellow33 Posted November 8, 2018 Author Share Posted November 8, 2018 She studies at the library because she cares about school & her grades. There is a time for play & romance at home with the BF. And there is a time for being serious & securing a bright future by doing her work at the library. She is not in the library trolling for a BF. Haha the internet is a funny thing, I don't like communicating with it as there is no emotion put into words. That was largely a rhetorical question I used, it's not what I would do but I can totally understand why she would. And it kinda feels like you're attacking me with that last sentence there haha. Of course she's not trolling, or whatever word you want to use, in the library for a BF. I'm not an idiot. Who would even do that anyway? What I posted about was as a culmination of a whole semester of seeing her and I felt that there might have been something there. I didn't take her being really friendly as a sign as I said earlier, so was looking for other possible signals. Turns out you guys were right not to take what she was wearing as a signal, so thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 Waaaayyy back when I was an undergraduate there were rooms in my college's main library that were some of the best pick up places on campus. Other rooms were a strictly don't talk to me I'm here to study kind of places & yet others were awesome places to catch a quick catnap on campus if you didn't have time to schelp all the way back to your off campus apartment between classes. So hooking up in a library is not uncommon. I am sorry if you felt attacked. I was not intending to do that but your statements that her choice of clothing & study location were some how an invitation for more then studying rubbed me the wrong way. As you said, the cold written word of an internet message board devoid of all non-verbal communication cues can tend to garble the interaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mellow33 Posted November 8, 2018 Author Share Posted November 8, 2018 Waaaayyy back when I was an undergraduate there were rooms in my college's main library that were some of the best pick up places on campus. Other rooms were a strictly don't talk to me I'm here to study kind of places & yet others were awesome places to catch a quick catnap on campus if you didn't have time to schelp all the way back to your off campus apartment between classes. So hooking up in a library is not uncommon. I am sorry if you felt attacked. I was not intending to do that but your statements that her choice of clothing & study location were some how an invitation for more then studying rubbed me the wrong way. As you said, the cold written word of an internet message board devoid of all non-verbal communication cues can tend to garble the interaction. Well, I can see that happening at a college library but not in the main libraries on campus - unless I'm missing out! And I'm glad we understand each other Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 You're missing out. The dark stacks have always been for shall we say studying human anatomy. Link to post Share on other sites
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