FMW Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Can men and women really be just friends? I know this question is asked all the time and generally women say yes and men say no. But I thought I’d throw it out there anyway and see if I could gain any clarity on my personal situation. My general feeling, despite my personal experience at the moment, is that men don’t cultivate female friendships, not ones that are more than casual and situational. But - I have several male friends that I enjoy talking to and hanging out with. We know quite a bit about each other’s lives and thoughts and feelings about a lot of things. They are all aware I'm recovering from a recent heartbreak and not looking to date right now, although I plan to in the near future. Some of the time, like happened last night, I end up going somewhere after another event with a few of them and I’m the only woman. Suddenly I started to feel a little weird about it. I’m the only woman they ask, so it’s not a matter of my just being the only one to say yes to going. I don’t consider myself to be a tomboy whatsoever. I also spend time with just groups of women friends. For reference, we're all around 50 years old. What are your thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 For blokes who are looking for a date, they usually refuse to cultivate female friendships, despite the fact female friendships may lead to a date. For gay blokes, they typically want female friends. For blokes who are looking for new friends after being in a happy LTR, they might do it to a limited extent with the permission of the lady. For a woman, easy answer, if she is not attracted to the bloke, she will refuse any romantic relationship. That's when it's easy to decide romance or no romance. For a woman who is attracted to a guy, she will make her attraction known. For a woman who is attracted to an unavailable guy, she might do all sorts of crafty things to make her intentions known including, creating drama and conflict, and portraying herself as the resolution. In summary, it depends. Link to post Share on other sites
brigit87 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 For a woman who is attracted to an unavailable guy, she might do all sorts of crafty things to make her intentions known including, creating drama and conflict, and portraying herself as the resolution. In summary, it depends. That's so true! For the record I never had a guy who liked talking to me that just wanted to be friends. Therefore, I don't have any male friends. Besides, I like talking to women more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FMW Posted October 15, 2018 Author Share Posted October 15, 2018 (edited) There's no drama or conflict and I'm certainly not trying to present myself as a resolution to anything in their lives, nor they mine. Conversations with men contain virtually no drama in my experience, while some of my women friends thrive on it. I like men, I like talking to them. As indicated above, I enjoy the drama free zone with them. I also enjoy hanging out with my women friends and really enjoy good "girl talk" at times. That's where the drama and gossip comes in! It's just a different vibe, I like and want both. I'm guessing that once I get back into dating I won't feel a need to hang out with guys as just friends, I'll get that from the guy I'm involved with. And if I'm dating someone my guy friends probably won't ask me to hang out! Edited October 15, 2018 by Finding my way Link to post Share on other sites
sabaton Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Can men and women really be just friends? Yes. If the guy doesn't harbor a secret desire to sleep with those women he calls friends. Back in college I befriended girls that are still now close friends of mine. They were attractive, but I wasn't attracted to them, and even if Iwas attracted to them, it's not like you're going through the seven rings of hell by being near a woman you'd like to sleep with but won't sleep with you for whatever reason or personal preference. Attraction to me doesn't grow over time. I look and I see, and if I like what I see, I make a move. Sometimes it works, most times it doesn't, and when that happens I move on and I don't ''befriend'' the girl in the hopes that she will sleep with me someday. My general feeling, despite my personal experience at the moment, is that men don’t cultivate female friendships, not ones that are more than casual and situational. Many men are looking to get sex/relationships with women, and many men feel that having and maintaining female friendships is a waste of time and effort, which is odd, because in college I met and dated girls who were friends of my female friends and I was ''vetted'' from the get-go as a safe guy to be with, alone, which made flirting, and joking around a lot easier. But - I have several male friends that I enjoy talking to and hanging out with. We know quite a bit about each other’s lives and thoughts and feelings about a lot of things. They are all aware I'm recovering from a recent heartbreak and not looking to date right now, although I plan to in the near future. Well, it seems that men usually make friendships with women they find to be sexually attractive, usually with the hope in their heart that one day they'll be able of getting with those women, sexually, and that makes for a very awkward time for the women who aren't interested when those guys finally make their intentions known. There are probably, at the very least, a few male friends in your social groups that want to sleep with you, or date you, or both. Some of the time, like happened last night, I end up going somewhere after another event with a few of them and I’m the only woman. Suddenly I started to feel a little weird about it. I’m the only woman they ask, so it’s not a matter of my just being the only one to say yes to going. If you are the only woman they ask to go out with them, and they don't even want other women to be around.. I gotta say that they are interested in you as more than just friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 And if I'm dating someone my guy friends probably won't ask me to hang out! I guess these are orbiters not friends . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 men and woman cannot be real friends because the sex thing always gets in the way 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FMW Posted October 15, 2018 Author Share Posted October 15, 2018 Good point Elaine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Good point Elaine. yea, she's pretty smart 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popeye_Jones Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 men and woman cannot be real friends because the sex thing always gets in the way Not true in EVERY single case. Not even close Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Especially at 50, I do think men & women can be just friends. The boundaries are a bit blurrier & harder to maintain in your 20s & there are still those who can't do it later in life either but it is possible. It really depends on the 2 people themselves & how they conduct themselves. When you blur the lines, & cuddle or engage in FWB activities, things get murkier. But if you just chat & hang out once in a while, it's fine & gender neutral. Link to post Share on other sites
sabaton Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 men and woman cannot be real friends because the sex thing always gets in the way What sex thing gets in the way? You think men can't see a woman without having to try their luck with her? or you think women can't stop themselves from cheating on their partners because, hawttttt guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author FMW Posted October 15, 2018 Author Share Posted October 15, 2018 Thanks for the replies. Not sure why I suddenly started feeling weird about it, but for now I'll just make sure I keep the boundaries clear and enjoy the friendships. Link to post Share on other sites
DatingAgain79 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 I rarely know of many guys who are just friends with their females. There's always something underlying. Well most of the time not always. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Can men and women really be just friends?Sure, if it's like with their male friends. As example, a past (when single) best female friend liked cycling, fishing and working on cars. We had shared interests. I also did car stuff with her boyfriend. She and I were very close for over a decade until I got married and then she married her boyfriend about a year later. I hung out with her parents at their restaurant, we went bowling together, lots of friend-type stuff. Very little talk about relationships or male/female type stuff. Since being married, most of my female friends have been wives of male friends or my wife's female friends. Similar thing though, shared interests, so only a small subset. IMO, the more widely varied ones interests are, the more likely to meet and find synergy with a variety of people as friends. For guys who focus mostly on sex, probably true loving and platonic male/female friendships aren't in the cards. Depends on the man. Women can have platonic friendships with men no problem. Like my female best friend, there was no sexual attraction for her so easy peasy. Common for women. Men, OTOH, mostly horndogs. Anything in a skirt that moves. Good thing? IDK. It is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 (edited) Technically, yes, they can be just friends but it's never a line that one or both of them aren't capable of crossing over into something more. If you see men and women hanging out as friends it's suspect. You can be sure there is something going on beneath the surface for one or both of them. What sex thing gets in the way? Oh, please. Edited October 15, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote and merge Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Over the years, Ive had a variety of women want to be friends... But if you scratch the surface, its almost always because they thought I could help them at some point...Money, protection from guys they didn't like or had issues with, help moving heavy stuff, help with fixing broken shyt...etc.. I believe this is an inherent survival tactic for women...I see why they do it... The only problem with that is that id never get anything in return... Also....My hobbies consist of mostly stuff that would bore the average heterosexual woman to tears...and vice versa...I don't find what most women do on a daily basis(for enjoyment, etc) all that interesting to me... So while I guess there is nothing wrong with it, it just never made much sense... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 They can be friends if neither one is attracted to the other and has no romantic intentions at all. None. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 It's a question that pops up here regularly, and you always get the full range of responses from "yes of course" to "no, the guy always wants sex". Even as a 20-something guy my answer is "yes of course". In fact, most of my friends are female - I find it a lot easier to talk about emotions and deeper topics with women. My male friends are chosen as such because they tend to open up more than the average guy. Even though my female friends might be objectively attractive (if there is such a thing), I just don't see them that way. It would feel really weird if I tried to date/bang any of them, and they feel the same way (they either are in, or trying to get into, a relationship with someone else). Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Yes, I've always had male friends, but then I'm slightly tomboyish and not into make-up/fashion and gossip. I've always enjoyed fishing, hiking, camping, windsurfing, surfing and lots of other outdoor sports that most women aren't interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 The older I get the less I've believed in female friendship.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Yes men and women can definitely be friends, as long as they are not attracted to each other. But then again, I once read somewhere that men are only friends with women they have crushes on, but I’m not sure I agree with that. I like having males friends and wish I had more of them. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 The older I get the less I've believed in female friendship.... that's pretty much what happened to me. 30 years ago I thought that men and women could be friends but my real world experience since has led me to believe that they can't be true friends, we're too different. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FMW Posted October 18, 2018 Author Share Posted October 18, 2018 that's pretty much what happened to me. 30 years ago I thought that men and women could be friends but my real world experience since has led me to believe that they can't be true friends, we're too different. But that's what I love about my guy friends, the difference! The friendships are not the same as those with my girl friends, that's true. But that's not a bad thing at all. Link to post Share on other sites
angelokat75 Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 My guy friend just broke my heart. He was my best friend for three years. He made it clear he wanted to be just friends and I was cool with that two years ago. I enjoyed his company. Then he starts playing mind games two weeks ago with me. Then approaches the FWB idea which I am not interested in. I am an old fashioned girl. He is insistent on it and in one of his messages he says when we do it you are going to let me do what I want to you. That scared me. I am a domestic abuse survivor and the nightmares resurfaced. I am not saying he would do that. But just the tone of the message frightened me. I felt like I would have no choice in anything and he really did not care what I thought. Also when I went to hug him goodbye his body language told me all I needed to know. He pushed me away and did not even realize it. It was not a hard push it was slight but very noticeable. This was because I did not invite him in to my place. I was going to hug him like I would my grandma. Link to post Share on other sites
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