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How do single women become platonic friends with guys?


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Old 13th October 2018, 9:38 PM   #1
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How do single women become platonic friends with guys?

I would like to have a platonic guy friend, I see other women in their 20's who have male friends, I'm not in my 20's, I mean, do I suck that bad that I can't make a single guy friend?
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Old 14th October 2018, 6:30 PM   #2
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You make a platonic guy friend the same way you make a female friend. Take an interest in what they do, go do stuff together. But you have to be clear to them that it's platonic.
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Old 14th October 2018, 6:45 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Dodgersfan11 View Post
I would like to have a platonic guy friend, I see other women in their 20's who have male friends, I'm not in my 20's, I mean, do I suck that bad that I can't make a single guy friend?
Young people tend to congregate in large groups of mixed gender friends. Friends they met at school or at college/university, work courses etc..
Once people start pairing off, the need for these mostly single support groups lessens, they keep to themselves or mix with other couples.
As time moves on and children pop up, parents get together.
Single people are often viewed as a threat, and tend to get the slow fade.
Single people are then busy with dating or trying to meet potential partners, so there is little room for platonic mixed sex friendships. They can also can cause havoc in any relationships too, so most just want to avoid the hassle.
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Old 14th October 2018, 7:33 PM   #4
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One of my best female friends started off with one date. She wasn't feeling it at the end of the date and suggested we be friends. On our next outing, she was my wing-woman and I didn't go home alone that night. We've been good friends ever since.
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Old 14th October 2018, 7:49 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
Young people tend to congregate in large groups of mixed gender friends. Friends they met at school or at college/university, work courses etc..
Once people start pairing off, the need for these mostly single support groups lessens, they keep to themselves or mix with other couples.
As time moves on and children pop up, parents get together.
Single people are often viewed as a threat, and tend to get the slow fade.
Single people are then busy with dating or trying to meet potential partners, so there is little room for platonic mixed sex friendships. They can also can cause havoc in any relationships too, so most just want to avoid the hassle.
Oh...so basically I most likely will not be able to make a guy friend who happens to be single because of the weird dynamics that come with it? And of course, I won't be able to make friends with married guys, so in other words if I have to be friends with guys I either have to be dating someone to be coupled off in pairs to do social outings. It was a whole lot easier to make friends with guys back in my college days, because of the easy social interaction and everyone happens to be single with no kids but as you hit past 30's it gets harder.
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Old 14th October 2018, 7:55 PM   #6
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College. After that, not really realistic. All of my existing platonic male friends to this day are friends I had in college or high school.
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Old 14th October 2018, 7:57 PM   #7
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All my guy friends came about 1 of 3 ways:

* childhood / they have simply been here forever

* work -- I have a few good buddies in my industry that have become friends. When I was single that was always a delicate balance when they got new GFs; at 1st some of the wives were none too thrilled but slowly accepted me as not being a threat because I made it clear that I respected their marriages.

* the SOs of my female friends Those guys are not people I generally initiate a lot of contact with but many know my husband is not a sports guy & I am a rabid college FB fan so there is a little bit more back & forth in fall, with the usual trash talk. In that context I tend to behave like "one of the boys" so my friends are fine with me watching FB with their guys. I'm not going to call one of them & ask him to go a game with me but there will be some texting & good natured ribbing. It's all above board & by reading the exchanges you would not know I wasn't a guy.

When meeting new men, as a single woman it can be tough. Most guys are going to press the romance / intimacy angle & don't really want a female buddy. They are attune to the fact that if they become your friend, when they do find somebody to date, she is not going to be happy with your presence & a new opposite sex friend is more often not worth the aggravation.
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Old 14th October 2018, 8:18 PM   #8
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I had no idea a single woman talking to a married guy as friends were viewed as a threat. At work, I see my female co-workers talking to married male co-workers but both parties are married, so not a big deal, but if I started a convo with a married male co-worker it would look like I was hitting on them?
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Old 14th October 2018, 8:50 PM   #9
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I had no idea a single woman talking to a married guy as friends were viewed as a threat. At work, I see my female co-workers talking to married male co-workers but both parties are married, so not a big deal, but if I started a convo with a married male co-worker it would look like I was hitting on them?
It can... at least, that's how it could be perceived. The way around it is to destroy that perception. Make it clear to everyone (and especially his partner) that you are not a threat to his relationship. If you want to hang out with a guy already in a relationship, invite his partner along. It might take a little time for her to warm up to the idea, but once she sees the nature of your friendship, she won't be worried (unless she is the really jealous type). He will also need to reassure his partner that he's just friends with you and nothing more.

In my last relationship I made quite a few new female friends, and my GF at the time warmed to many of them because I made sure they met each other early on and I made sure not to hide anything. I wasn't as meticulous as I should have been about it, there were some friends she wasn't comfortable with, but that was partly my fault for not communicating as well as I could have. Anyway you get the point - work around it by making sure everyone is clear about your intentions.
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Old 14th October 2018, 9:34 PM   #10
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Stay away from men who are already partnered. It's just a recipe for disaster.
If you make a male friend and then he finds someone, be prepared for the end of the friendship because most women do not want female friends around their men.

I had two different exes from my early twenties. I stayed close friends with these men. Both of them chose to end our friendship because their girlfriends didn't like it. I offered to meet their girlfriends and even do things as a group but the girlfriends didn't agree.

One of them had a girlfriend who was irrationally jealous. She was so controlling that I felt like he was being abused. Just to give you an idea, my friend couldn't even wear cologne without his girlfriend asking him who he was trying to impress. It was so sick.
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Old 15th October 2018, 1:31 AM   #11
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I had no idea a single woman talking to a married guy as friends were viewed as a threat. At work, I see my female co-workers talking to married male co-workers but both parties are married, so not a big deal, but if I started a convo with a married male co-worker it would look like I was hitting on them?
Talking to guys is not a threat....unless you offer them a threesome when they break up with their partner. In social, school or work environments, being able to have a platonic conversation is part of being social.

However, you're talking about being friends with a guy and going to events with him 1:1. No guy who's got a girlfriend/wife or wants a girlfriend/wife is going to do this if he's got boundaries.

Find female friends to hang out with.
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Old 20th October 2018, 12:15 AM   #12
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It's very easy to make guy friends when you are interested in the same things guys are. For me, I love to work out, go to the gym, be outdoorsy, and the biggest one: I love video games. So it's always been super easy to talk to them (easier than talking to girls).

The staying platonic part is the harder part, I think. It's really easy to catch feelings for someone when you're close to them. The key is to just not give off those signals and have super strict boundaries.
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Old 25th October 2018, 6:16 AM   #13
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I enjoy these posts about guy girl friendships......yes its very possible but not every guy is a good candidate.
Jocks, Bro's, Brah's Dudes.....hard to find a young man with the emotional maturity in these descriptions.

I think alot of men and many women would benefit from these type of friendships, because understanding the other genders perspective helps in other relationships.
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Old 25th October 2018, 7:26 AM   #14
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I have male friends but not close friends. I have always been lucky to share offices with intelligent and funny men my age - all married with children. We would joke around all day but it never went any further. We didn't go to events 1-1 (unless it was work related). Occasional lunch maybe but that's it. Still this was enough for me - I spend at least 8 hours a day at work.


I also currently have a male friend that is single. I actually met him on online dating site 7 years ago. We dated briefly then had some really bad sex and then we became friends. When he got into a serious relationship, he didn't feel it's a fair to his gf to remain close friends (I actually respected him for that). Now that's over and we are back to talking every day. I can tell that he would love to turn this into a FWB but he is not really interested in me as a potential gf. I maybe would be up for sleeping with him, but I keep having flashbacks of bad sex so....


In summary - you can be friends with married men with strong boundaries (no 1-1 hang outs). You will find that every unpartnered male friend would love to have sex with you. (just don't confuse sex with romantic interest or even attraction).
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Old 25th October 2018, 7:44 AM   #15
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A married man is not a good choice for a platonic friend anyway unless you know his wife or grew up with him. They don't need new platonic female friends and it may cause problems with their marriage, which they don't want. If you absolutely have to have a platonic male friend, at your age a gay guy is a great choice.
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