BluePlanet Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 I separated in April and leaned heavily on my friend,Jessica. She was also going through a health diagnosis of her own but she was there for me. A few months on I joined a single parent group and met a woman who I started dating in August. My family knew but not friends. I noticed Jessica has been distant with me and eager to rush off when we were together. I confronted her and she said she felt hurt and confused as I had stopped contacting her so much. I was shocked. When I saw her today, she cried and repeated the same words but then just looked down at the floor in silence, crying. I apologised and said in the future she needs to let me know if she is angry or upset as I can't help otherwise and again, no response, just looked very distressed. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 she grew to love you and you do not love her back leave her alone, let her find her love, maybe then you can be pally again Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Sounds like she likes you. Do you like her? Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Awww, she fell for you, when you two were leaning on each other. Or, maybe it's not romantic, per se, but your support of each other through your respective crises was maybe like a safety-bubble for her, that meant more to her than she might even know, and she's seeing it slipping away, and she is grieving, hence the tears. Curious: why did you not tell Jessica, to whom you've clearly confided a lot since April, about this woman you're dating? Why wouldn't she be one of the first to know? If you care at all about your relationship with this friend--whether as a friendship or romantically--you need to talk with her. You need to tell her how much she has meant and continues to mean to you. If she no longer does, and you just used her as a crutch, well, then you're going to have to tell her you are moving on and let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully you do care about her enough that you can still lend her an ear and some time as perhaps her crisis has not reached a new step towards its "resolution" as yours has. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Were you actually there for her through the health issues or was it mostly one sided? She probably still needs support. I can somewhat relate to her. I had friends who needed constant emotional support while going through a bad patch and then basically dropped me when things got better. She probably feels used then thrown away the moment you got a new gf. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluePlanet Posted October 12, 2018 Author Share Posted October 12, 2018 I was surprised as although I haven't been contacting her with the regularity I previously was, I really didn't expect her to get so upset about it and it didn't/doesn't mean I don't care for her as much as I did. It wasn't all her asking how I was, it was the other way too. I just didn't expect her to take it to heart like she did. I haven't told her about the girlfriend yet. My family and some other friends do but I want to keep it quiet for now. I know it seems a bit quick as I separated in July and was with someone in August but I know it's for keeps. But we want to give it a bit more time. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 I haven't told her about the girlfriend yet. I would offer that this is only going to make 'Jessica' feel more heartbroken and hurt and confused. A different way to look at it is that, when you didn't have this new love interest in your life, you "leaned heavily" on Jessica...but now that you've found someone else (new, better) to lean on, you've kind of just set Jessica to the side. NOT that this is what's actually going on for you in your heart and mind, but that this is how Jessica might very well see it and feel about it. NOT that it is the highest way for Jessica to look at how you're conducting your relationship with her, but you do also have to take into account her own personality, tendencies, fears and insecurities...because that is what friends do for each other. Alternatively, perhaps she needs someone to lean on (because of her own health scare?), but hasn't felt the same level of warmth/intimacy with you as before, to be able to share that with you. I don't at all think that it necessarily means that she has any romantic feelings about you, because I've had a similar experience with an opposite-gender friend, who just didn't get it that after I got married and moved out of town, I wasn't going to have the same level of time to spend with him as I had before. The change was on account of me, basically, which, here it is on account of you - so, it's okay for us to give them a bit more consideration and understanding. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Maybe even though you didn't tell Jessica, she found out, saw there was someone at your place, saw you out and about or someone who did see you told her. To me, sounds like she knows you're dating someone. I'd bet on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluePlanet Posted October 12, 2018 Author Share Posted October 12, 2018 I don't think she knows about my girlfriend but its kind of irrelevant anyway. I would be surprised if she has romantic feelings for me. I don't see it as me ditching her when I moved on and met someone. I wasn't in touch as regularly as before but I was still there so I was surprised and shocked when she said how bad she was feeling and the way she had perceived that I had 'deserted her'. It's not how it was. I have said sorry several times but she didn't really respond and it is frustrating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluePlanet Posted October 16, 2018 Author Share Posted October 16, 2018 Do you think she has romantic feelings for me? Link to post Share on other sites
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