Tabby_Cat Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 I'm wondering how to subtly let a friend know that they overstay their welcome. I'm a female in my mid-20s still currently living at home. I have a platonic male friend, same age, who I really care about as a friend, but he tends to overstay his welcome when he comes to visit. A simple visit is never enough, he usually asks if he can come over in the afternoon, stay the night and hang out the next day until late afternoon. Meaning he always wants his visits to last almost 24 hours. I'm a social person but after so much time sometimes I don't know what to do with him anymore and he never suggests something for us to do so I'm essentially entertaining him all day. Also, I'm sure my family doesn't appreciate him staying over all the time but he seems to think that they should be fine with it. He also has a girlfriend and I have no idea if she knows he stays over at his female friends' places (yes he does this to other friends as well). He only lives 20 minutes away so it's not hard for him to drive home in the evening after we've hung out for 8 hours or so. I'm struggling to figure out how to get him to leave without hurting his feelings, any suggestions??? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 Sometimes you just have to be blunt. Either you please other people or please yourself. You make the choice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 I don't know why you just don't tell him no. I'm guessing he thinks you're more than friends, so you better deal with that too. He's probably telling people he spends the night there. He probably thinks he has two girlfriends. Next time he wants to come over, either tell him you have plans or tell him, If you come over, you have to only stay a couple of hours. I have things to do and it wears me out having someone stay for so long. If he won't take no for an answer, then stop letting him come over and suggest you meet out somewhere instead so you can leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 I'm wondering how to subtly let a friend know that they overstay their welcome. I'm a female in my mid-20s still currently living at home. I have a platonic male friend, same age, who I really care about as a friend, but he tends to overstay his welcome when he comes to visit. Boy, you should experience this living in a resort city, where friends tend to confuse you with AirBNB plus a side of Uber ("you can pick us up at the airport, right?"). I've learned the hard way to be very specific - "we're available from date/time to date/time", "we'll crack a cold beer when you arrive at our house". Once you've eliminated the uncertainties, it's easy to relax and enjoy your visitor's company... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 I agree with being honest. However, if you aren't comfortable with that, invent a thing you have to do in the afternoon - something which he would not be invited to - like a shopping trip with the girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 When he asks if he can come over, tell him you have plans, tell him you are going out, tell him anything to keep him from coming over. Offer to meet him somewhere, and when its time to leave, if he wants to come home with you, tell him you have plans. Hopefully he'll get the point without you have to tell him point blank...dude, you're driving me nuts. Go home. Link to post Share on other sites
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