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Sad about friend getting married

Belle23

By Belle23,
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Belle23

Belle23

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Ok, so I wasn’t sure which threat to put this in but... I’m in love with my coworker/friend, and I’m a wreck that he’s (probably) getting married. We’ve been working together for several years now. We always got along fairly well, but about a year I started noticing him staring at me A LOT. We started talking more and discovered we have a lot in common. Then, something really bad happened in my life, which he helped me through, and we got a lot closer after that. After that, he stopped talking about his gf, so I assumed he broke up (they always had issues).

 

We recently went on a business trip together and spend a lot of time together. It was amazing, and I realized that I was really falling for him. Most of the people out even thought we were together. We almost kissed on numerous occasions and he asked me back to his room one night. One of our last days on our trip, one of the women at our dinner table asked him if his gf expects to get a ring at the end of his upcoming trip to which he said he wasn’t sure. I confronted him about it, and he said he might or might not get engaged - “if the mood strikes. I’m furious and hurt. How can he lead me on like that?

 

Since then, I’ve had a hard time sorting my feelings out. I’m probably leaving my job soon anyway, but how can someone want to get married after trying to cheat? What vibe am I giving off that says “I’m the other women type?” Was this just a big ploy by him to try to get “ last one in” before getting engaged? I feel awful about myself. How can i move on?

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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Anger is good here. You say you almost kissed & he led you on. He's a cad & used you to stroke his ego.

 

He can still marry because he didn't cheat. He just toyed around the edges but presumably knew where the lines were drawn. He's certainly not a saint but he's also not the right guy for you.

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Belle23

Belle23

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Anger is good here. You say you almost kissed & he led you on. He's a cad & used you to stroke his ego.

 

He can still marry because he didn't cheat. He just toyed around the edges but presumably knew where the lines were drawn. He's certainly not a saint but he's also not the right guy for you.

 

Yea, he would’ve cheated if I didn’t hold back and would’ve went to his room that night. How do I feel better about myself? Because I feel awful right now.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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You feel better about yourself because you held back. You trusted your gut & were right to do so.

 

Use the anger to propel you forward. Get your new job & don't look back.

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grays

grays

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Can you explain how this makes you feel bad about yourself? I can understand being disappointed, but I can't imagine how its makes you a bad person.

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Belle23

Belle23

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Can you explain how this makes you feel bad about yourself? I can understand being disappointed, but I can't imagine how its makes you a bad person.

 

It’s disappointment. But I feel bad about myself because he pretty much only saw me as an ego stroke. Sure, some might argue that’s a reflection of him not me, but seen a side piece or someone to stroke your ego and not a gf makes me feel bad. Like I’m not gf material. Does that make sense?

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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You feel bad because you got rejected. That is understandable. But you have to have enough pride to know you are not a side piece & any man who thinks you are is not worthy of you. It really is his problem, not yours.

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Belle23

Belle23

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You feel bad because you got rejected. That is understandable. But you have to have enough pride to know you are not a side piece & any man who thinks you are is not worthy of you. It really is his problem, not yours.

 

Thanks d0nnivain.

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Malin889

Malin889

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You should be glad you are not in the girlfriend’s shoes. Him saying he’s not sure if he’s proposing and “if the mood strikes”. It’s either yes or no. If someone isn’t sure if they should propose, then they shouldn’t get married. It sounds like he’s not really sure about anything. This so reminds me of a situation i was in. Not the him proposing to anyone part, but just things being vague, confusing, unsure. A “friend” and I had a great time together on a business trip as well, nothing physical but just a lot of closeness and flirtbig, then come to find out that he was dating somebody at the time. Good times! I think you are doing well and don’t look back. This guy, as great as he might have been during the time that you needed help, obviously is very confused. If he’s “unsure” about whether not to propose, you don’t want to be his girlfriend. Keep Moving forward. Keep being angry, I’ll help you move on. You’re doing great.

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preraph

preraph

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I'm unclear. You said you almost kissed. And later post, you say you didn't go to his room. It doesn't sound like you've dated, just done business things together. I'm sorry you're hurt, but he hasn't asked you out on dates or kissed you, so you weren't dating. You weren't hooking up either. No way to know if that's why he asked you to his room or just being friendly on a business trip.

 

You are overreacting. You didn't have anything more than a business friendship. You also knew he had a girlfriend. So you don't really have a leg to stand on, but I'm sorry you got your heart hurt and now it's going to be awkward at work.

 

My best advice to you is take it back down to strictly professional at work. Don't act mad because that's improper in the workplace and you don't have a relationship outside the workplace. Be civil and polite but nothing more. Be professional. good luck.

Edited by preraph
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Malin889

Malin889

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You should be glad you are not in the girlfriend’s shoes. Him saying he’s not sure if he’s proposing and “if the mood strikes”. It’s either yes or no. If someone isn’t sure if they should propose, then they shouldn’t get married. It sounds like he’s not really sure about anything. This so reminds me of a situation i was in. Not the him proposing to anyone part, but just things being vague, confusing, unsure. A “friend” and I had a great time together on a business trip as well, nothing physical but just a lot of closeness and flirtbig, then come to find out that he was dating somebody at the time. Good times! I think you are doing well and don’t look back. This guy, as great as he might have been during the time that you needed help, obviously is very confused. If he’s “unsure” about whether not to propose, you don’t want to be his girlfriend. Keep Moving forward. Keep being angry, I’ll help you move on. You’re doing great.

 

*IT will help you move on*

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stillafool

stillafool

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Yea, he would’ve cheated if I didn’t hold back and would’ve went to his room that night. How do I feel better about myself? Because I feel awful right now.

 

It's just that he knows he's coming to the end of his bachelor hood and is probably trying to get laid by any attractive woman who he thinks is interested in him. Sowing his last oats.

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