Friend never asks about my life

[loveandsunshine]

Hi.

 

So I'm having a two fold issue here with my friend.

 

First off, we've been friends for almost two years. This friend of mine is my total opposite. She's wild, loud, and sometimes acts really stupid. She's a good person at heart but she is sometimes obsessive. Most of the time when we text each other, she's always talking about a boy band that she is crazy about. She constantly sends me pictures of them and talks to me about them as if I care. She also tells me, "You HAVE to see their new music video!" And when I don't watch them, she constantly messages me every five minutes asking, "Did you see it yet??" This is just one of the issues and it's annoying.

 

Second, she's always talking about her life to me and never asks me about mine. Like for example, she always sends me pictures of what she is eating, of what she is watching on the TV, and most recently, she started sending me like 5 or 7 videos she took of her friends being stupid and applying a crap ton of makeup to themselves at a birthday party. I try to be nice and ask for more details but it makes me feel like crap because she expects me to be interested in her life yet she doesn't give a rat's ass about mine. Maybe I'm over reacting but this is how I feel and I don't know what to do about it.

[preraph]

You're not overreacting. She's overly self-involved and only wants an audience, not a reciprocal friendship. I don't see why you would want to stick around for that. It sounds very annoying. I have someone who I've told any number of times I have no interest in the American Idol or other same type music competition shows, but it never stops her from sending me videos. if i wanted to watch them, I know when it's on. I got fed up with it this week and the first one, I looked at briefly and wrote back "I don't like it." And then ignored and didn't even look at the second one.

 

Either tell her you're not interested or just let her fade away. She has no interest in you or she'd act like it. You're just her audience.

[carhill]

For takers to thrive, givers are essential. Human nature. We're, generally, selfish, self-absorbed organisms that get socialized to achieve our needs and ends through relationships and social interaction. Some people are smarter about it than others. I'm impressed daily by how smart/savvy some of them are.

 

The key to being a good taker is being attractive and charismatic enough to attract many givers. Take and replace and rinse and repeat. Keep the supply flowing. There are billions on the planet but one needs to get out there to tap the supply.

 

My dad used to tell me once we start accounting in relationships they're doomed. Take a look at your post and see what you're doing. That's not bad nor wrong, rather just reality. Some people will about-face if called on their behaviors but most who are that insensitive and selfish simply replace the problem giver with another one.

 

When I was younger and fitting in mattered, I used to opine that such human's world was small and they filled it completely. Now their existence simply doesn't matter. Any interactions are without expectation or care. It's 'whatever'. Like them, whatever.

 

Lastly, look in the mirror. Admonish yourself to be more selfish and self-involved. I don't mean that in a negative way, rather positive, healthier way. Your life matters; your interests, your passions, your space on the planet. If constantly focused on others we tend to forget ourselves. By living outside ourselves we become invisible so others don't notice or remember us. Work on that. Good luck!

[LuckyM]

Agree with preraph.

SHe's using you and assumes that you will be interested. I find that audacious.

[Carpe Diem]

Definition of a “friend”

-Someone who wants to spend time with you. Sometimes you initiate, sometimes they do.

-Someone who knows about your life, dreams, struggles, current circumstances etc. And you as well, know their’s.

-Somone who is supportive and ‘there for you.’ And vice versa

 

Reading your post, none of these are met. This woman is not your “friend.” She sounds like she may even be bi-polar, narcissistic etc. If this relationship (I use that term loosely) is giving you nothing, slowly disengage. I find that one of the most important maturity transitions in life is when a person can step back and see things for what they are and not what we want them to be.