Friendship cut off

[Mysterio]

So i was friends with a guy named SD in 2003.

 

We had a mini falling out, in which he said he did not like me coming over to his house un announced once a yr. It was ignorance on my part and then he added other things that I was doing and we resoved the issue in Aug 2006.

 

So from say May of 2007 to Aug of 2012. Everything was good. Get together maybe every couple of months.

 

He started going to school in 2010 and I would see him maybe 3 times a year with 1 phone call to make it 4 times a year, when time permits. All we do is talk. No rock concerts or movies or sitting around watching tv. Go for a walk and talk or a drive out.

 

I called him in Nov 2012. He did not return my phone call. I called him in Jan 2013 and he sent me this.

 

 

Hey Mysterio,

 

I have been really busy over last few months.

 

Just so you know I don't really call any of my friends to do stuff. Most of my friends like M or K I only see a few times a year.

 

Over summer I had over 10 interviews when looking for job that kept me busy.

 

I ended up working at a company called ND, and I work as a disability support worker. I work with people with a variety of disabilities (ADHD, FAS, cerebral palsy, FragileX,..) and help them with anxiety, finances, behavior modification, outings, etc...

 

I work shift work (3p-11p, 11p-7a, 7a-3p...) So I find that I sleep more now to adjust to it.

 

Also Dec was really busy for me as I was investigating different universities and sent in applications.

 

But things are going really well for me and I am happy, I just have been very busy. Hope you are doing good. Maybe we can get together with M in Feb.

 

 

Now here is my problem. He never calls me and he has stayed in the same friendhship groove with M and K. So they do stuff on a regular basis. So that means M/K don't have the above E-mail tailord to them.

 

SD and I only interact with each other over B-day e-mails and thats it. So since 2013. I say him June 2013 for 3 minutes at the bus stop. Feb 2016 as I was walking to the hospital library where I work. He was on the phone and I taped him on the shoulder. Then early Dec 2017 when I was on a bus that I would not usually take in the morning, when I was on my way to work.

 

SD has had X-mas party in Late Dec last yr and this yr. I was not invited and SD knows that M and I are brothers. I have never had this happen before. I guess I am hyper sensitive in the sense. I don't like loose ends. I don't understand why I am getting this E-mail and off kilter murkey attitude from SD.

 

Our dynamic is not Movies/Rock concerts/talking every day or doing time consuming activities. I can't understand why we are so out of sorts with each other. We are getting together with M around May. So I am trying prep myself with seeing him this one time and then another time going over the E-mail he ssent. I don't see the big differnce between me and M towards him in friendship. Also. I have another Friend named I. He went back to school. Got Married and has gone back to school as well. All I , said to me is that shoot me some dates and I will shoot you some dates and we will work it out, getting together.

 

Anyways. I guess I am venting, but I would like to hear some advice. I guess I want to resolve things with SD, without it being heavy handed.

[preraph]

I don't think the e-mail was a bad thing, but it was a step back from talking on the phone. Maybe he has to talk on the phone too much at work. When my best friend got a smartphone, I nearly lost her entirely because he only wanted to text. Her time is metered. She has her priorities and I'm sure her kids blow up her phone constantly because especially when they were younger, they were very demanding and she'd drop anything and give them priority, as it goes with many parents.

 

Now she is still short on time. One job and kids. I have two jobs no kids, but my hours are flexible because most of the time I work at home, though I do have deadlines.

 

But it's not as bad as it was during that one period. During that, she sometimes ignored calls and e-mails. She doesn't do that anymore at least.

 

Your friend is distancing himself from you for whatever reason. Probably his life is just busier, but since he does seem to include the others, it's something with just you too. I don't think you can try to force him to be better friends with you. It's obvious he's cut back on all his interactions with friends probably due to work and a busy life, but you are not the priority there and the others are. So you just have to accept that he doesn't feel like being that close to you anymore. I know it's hurtful, very. But friends part ways, usually for no reason at all other than they lose interest and stop enjoying their time together or would rather be doing something else.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't keep contacting him and I wouldn't say a word about it when you do see him, and just keep your dignity, and spend more time with any other friend who seems to appreciate you more.

[healing light]

Do you like this person more than a friend? I'm not sure how you are able to recall small incidents and the exact time frame if this weren't the case. Perhaps this is why this friend is distancing themselves? Maybe they sense you want more than they're willing to give?

[Romantic_Antics]

I taped him on the shoulder.

 

Sounds like a sticky situation.

[act00]

I guess at some point, you just have to accept the fact he doesn't really want to be your friend. Apparently in the past you had some behaviors that annoyed him. I wonder if they would have annoyed him that much if he wasn't already not all that interested in maintaining this friendship. For whatever reason, it's just not working for him. Just like with dating, sometimes there's chemistry, sometimes there's not, and there really is no rhyme or reason to it. It's not necessarily anything you did. It hurts tremendously, but you have no choices here but acceptance. When you see him on occasion, maybe things will take off again, but I think for you, only expect to see him along with mutual friends and don't expect anything else. The fact that two years in a row he didn't invite you to his party suggests a lot, and I know how painful it is, but what can you do? Move on. Focus on the friends that seem equally interested in you.