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Do you see friends as part of your personal life?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 6th March 2018, 1:03 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by darkmoon View Post
the narc would use a mutual friend's flat (not her own flat or mine) to love bomb, and manipulate, and to drop off some money she owed me

and as the narc took it upon herself to organise birthdays for around 5 in the group, I was dropped from her list of 5 invitees

yes, my friend and I get on, and I told the narc (not asked) that I am still attending my friend's birthday, of the 5 she is the one I like most, the others were not soul mates anyway, so to speak
To be honest, it sounds like the issue is mostly with you being jealous that this woman (who may or may not even be a narcissist) was becoming friends with your friend. But, like others have mentioned, people can be friends with whomever they choose.
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Old 6th March 2018, 1:38 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
To be honest, it sounds like the issue is mostly with you being jealous that this woman (who may or may not even be a narcissist) was becoming friends with your friend. But, like others have mentioned, people can be friends with whomever they choose.

"whomever they choose"? ok, so that applies to me too, and I choose not t be friends with this woman

I do not want her to speak to me much, even if you doubt that she is narc, I still do mot like her that much, not jealous, not feeling that (so stop guessing) just want a reasonable evening out
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Old 6th March 2018, 1:44 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by darkmoon View Post
the narc would use a mutual friend's flat (not her own flat or mine) to love bomb, and manipulate, and to drop off some money she owed me, so a lil stalking went on

and as the narc took it upon herself to organise birthdays for around 5 in the group, I was dropped from her list of 5 invitees

yes, my friend and I get on, and I told the narc (not asked) that I am still attending my friend's birthday, of the 5 she is the one I like most, the others were not soul mates anyway, so to speak

your friend love bombed you? im sorry dark moon sounds like you have had trying times with this friend...and i can actually see you hanging on to what has happened is making you really quite unhappy......i knwo it must be hard but let it go...go see your friends and have a good time.....dont let another spoil it for you and

dont you spoil it for you concentrating on this person you have bad feelings about....it wont be a vessel for you or anyone around you to have a good time...they will pick up on your tension and your negative vibes......

concentrate on the friends you love or the friend you love and have time for...rather than the friend you dont love and dont have time for...i hope the party turns out to be a fond memory....good luck...deb
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Old 6th March 2018, 1:50 PM   #34
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your friend love bombed you? im sorry dark moon sounds like you have had trying times with this friend...and i can actually see you hanging on to what has happened is making you really quite unhappy......i knwo it must be hard but let it go...go see your friends and have a good time.....dont let another spoil it for you and

dont you spoil it for you concentrating on this person you have bad feelings about....it wont be a vessel for you or anyone around you to have a good time...they will pick up on your tension and your negative vibes......

concentrate on the friends you love or the friend you love and have time for...rather than the friend you dont love and dont have time for...i hope the party turns out to be a fond memory....good luck...deb
thanks - no more responses - - too much diversion, this comment and this one, reposted below so that I can see it easily, are the most supportive and helpful

I think you have boundary issues.

Nobody can "steal" your friend. Your friend is a grown woman, I assume, who can choose for herself who she wants to be friends with. If she's a true close friend, her relationships with others should not affect yours with her.

You are going to a dinner with a lot of people. Just don't sit by this nasty woman. Give her the cold shoulder. If she accuses you publicly of being toxic or whatever, just look at her strangely. That is a bizarre thing to do. It will be noticeable by other people.

Give her the cold shoulder. Be coldly polite. When she talks to you, smile minimally, nod and move on. If she asks you how long you've known someone, (which is not nosey and a pretty normal question but I get that she has a bad agenda with you) say something vague like "quite a while." Then move on and get involved in conversations with other people.
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Old 6th March 2018, 3:44 PM   #35
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DarkMoon,

I have read through this thread a couple of times. Just my not so humble opinion, but to me, friendships indeed DO take a boatload of work,and many if not most, find them essential to our lives and our happiness. Not everyone, but I'd say the vast majority fall into this camp.

You have devoted a lot of thought to this situation. I would say it is simply time to re examine this friendship. It can be far more simple if you devoted an hour to compiling a risk/reward paper for yourself. And take time to examine if indeed keeping this friendship is beneficial to you.


I know it's tough to do. However I literally do it with every friendship I have...which is why I am a loner. I chalk it up to being so awfully betrayed by my Fiance and my best friend. That has led me to be very guarded in real life But in the 30 years since I have undertaken this project at some point in every friendship I've entered into. Usually as a result of an incident sort of like yours.

t's not for everyone, as many people need that social interaction. Just be mindful if the interaction with this person is worth the head space.



Give it a try. It may work for you. It may not. But it's worth a shot.
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