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How do I change my schedule to include more socializing with people?


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Old 28th February 2018, 8:02 PM   #1
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How do I change my schedule to include more socializing with people?

So during the week, my schedule is that I got class and study in the library for the whole day. This gets boring and tiresome and I want to know how to include socializing in my schedule as I need more friends. I don't really have any friends I know in the classroom and small talk really doesn't click with me. I know I post a lot on forums but honestly, I'm kind of desperate for friends at this point. I've mentioned this one good friend and others I try communicating with but the responses aren't going too well. I've joined clubs but only one so far is a start. This is just getting me down as my brother is in university and he's made friends while I haven't. I also have OCD and ruminate about issues everyday, and being alone with myself all the time just makes it worse and I need friends/social activity/something to take my mind off it.
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Old 28th February 2018, 8:15 PM   #2
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Unfortunately, small talk is the path you need to take in order to make the first steps with someone. With some people, the small talk will progress to a deeper friendship and with others, it will never progress.

Starting with clubs is a good idea. And getting to know people who you need to work with on group assignments.

I assume you've been diagnosed OCD? So we are we talking about habits which are seriously impacting your ability to live and function. What kind of treatment are you getting for it?
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Old 28th February 2018, 8:20 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
Unfortunately, small talk is the path you need to take in order to make the first steps with someone. With some people, the small talk will progress to a deeper friendship and with others, it will never progress.

Starting with clubs is a good idea. And getting to know people who you need to work with on group assignments.

I assume you've been diagnosed OCD? So we are we talking about habits which are seriously impacting your ability to live and function. What kind of treatment are you getting for it?
On small talk, I was wondering, since I don't have any real friends in class,what can I do to initiate or start a convo.

My OCD is mainly on rumination and intrusive thoughts. It does not impact my ability to live and function per say as I can still focus on work and stuff, it's mainly that I am constantly dwelling on an issue in my head and I can't ignore it. I haven't gotten treatment yet as I am afraid of stigma or discussing it with someone
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Old 28th February 2018, 8:22 PM   #4
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Try to enjoy your life, friends will come (and go). Get out and walk around on campus, go to the gym, look for local hotspots...if you have neighbors, that is always a good place to start--look around your neighborhood-I was fortunate and made 2 buddies the two years I spent at Uni because I had decent neighbors-we don't hang out much, but they are there and I am there for them when and if we each need/want to talk with or hang out with someone. Hope that helps, it will be fine...juststay positive and be ready to enjoy a new friend when theycome along
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Old 28th February 2018, 10:16 PM   #5
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Well for now, what's a good way to get better at small talk.
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Old 1st March 2018, 2:57 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by NightRogue View Post
On small talk, I was wondering, since I don't have any real friends in class,what can I do to initiate or start a convo.

My OCD is mainly on rumination and intrusive thoughts. It does not impact my ability to live and function per say as I can still focus on work and stuff, it's mainly that I am constantly dwelling on an issue in my head and I can't ignore it. I haven't gotten treatment yet as I am afraid of stigma or discussing it with someone
Rumination without obsessive actions is more to fall under Anxiety or Depression. Or even ASD. A medical or mental health practitioner will not stigmatise you. Placing stigma is the action of a person who's uneducated on such matters. To address it, get proper help from a professional and don't tell your diagnosis to ignoramuses. You could start with cognitive behaviour therapy. If you need more help than that, you might be recommended something like antidepressants. They can work really well for obsessive thinking.

How to initiate small talk? Well if they are in your class, you could say Hi and make a comment about the lecture. Or the weather. Or anything. Just keep it positive. Starting out with a grumble doesn't reflect well on a person.
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Old 1st March 2018, 10:45 AM   #7
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Join a club or organization at school. Put their meetings on your calendar as a regular obligation & go to the events.
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Old 1st March 2018, 11:03 AM   #8
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Small talk has been the bane of my life since childhood, so I can totally relate on that score! As you get older, it gets better but it's still a super tedious skill to master.

I've coping strategies that work quite well, that I only really use when I do genuinely want to get to know the person better:
1. Give random meaningful compliments if you've noticed something different in someone (a new hair cut, something about their clothes, the book they are reading, the music they are listening to).
2. learn to listen. People like to talk a lot, seemingly. I'm not a great talker in real life and prefer to get to the point rather than waffle (at least I need to warm up to a new person first) - a sympathetic nod here and there can get you a long way.

More generally, I've learned to say ready-made general banalities depending on the circumstances. Don't take it personally when these techniques don't work, though. It'll work on some, and not on others.

Good luck!
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