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Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 27th February 2018, 9:23 PM   #1
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Blabbermouth

If you told a long-time friend something very private in confidence, and they blabbed to people, would you stay friends with them?
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Old 27th February 2018, 9:27 PM   #2
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I would downgrade them to acquaintance.
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Old 27th February 2018, 9:30 PM   #3
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I don't know. I guess it depends on how deep / long the friendship is, and how bad the betrayal is.

Honestly? I have seen my girlfriends talk about things that they were obviously told in confidence.... Time and again.

As a result I do not confide in my female friends. I know that wouldn't work for many women, but that is how I roll. I am a very private person and I have learned not to trust others with juicy information.
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Old 27th February 2018, 10:10 PM   #4
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Yes... I would stay friends with them, but I'd be careful what I told them in the future. You can only tell that person items that can be "public knowledge" or you don't care if those items become "public knowledge"

It's hard to make true friends, so I don't think I would give up on the friendship, because of this incident. (unless this person was trying to cause harm by betraying your confidence)
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Old 28th February 2018, 12:02 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by Happy Lemming View Post

It's hard to make true friends, so I don't think I would give up on the friendship, because of this incident. (unless this person was trying to cause harm by betraying your confidence)
Yes, true friends are hard to find. That's part of my problem with her, because I thought she was a true friend, but there's absolutely no way she could have done this unintentionally and I suspect there may be an element of jealousy that I just didn't see before.
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Old 28th February 2018, 12:03 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by FilterCoffee View Post
I would downgrade them to acquaintance.
Or maybe downgrade them to "Cross the street if you see them coming".
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Old 28th February 2018, 12:09 AM   #7
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Yes, true friends are hard to find. That's part of my problem with her, because I thought she was a true friend, but there's absolutely no way she could have done this unintentionally and I suspect there may be an element of jealousy that I just didn't see before.
Its one thing for something to accidentally "slip out" when she was talking to a 3rd party.

Its a totally different situation if she did this with malice.

Maybe "FilterCoffee" has the right idea of downgrading her to an acquaintance.
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Old 28th February 2018, 12:20 AM   #8
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The situation was this; we were at my partners housewarming party, the last few people remaining at the end of the night, and out it came. It had no relation to the conversation in general, and she hadn't been drinking so alcohol wasn't an excuse. She'd spent a good part of the night trying to impress a lawyer friend of my partner, and he wasn't paying much attention to her but was having a bit of a laugh and joke with me. That's what made me suspect it was motivated by jealousy and was an attempt to humiliate me. So yeah, definitely being downgraded big time.
Thanks for input ladies
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Old 28th February 2018, 8:29 AM   #9
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Hi there msjayne,

I personally would be very cautious in future and it would depend on what was said, however I think this person was trying to upstage you on your night and in the company of work colleagues which somehow makes it seem even worse.

She knew what she was doing and it sounds like she had an agenda before she went to the party or if not, from what you have said: one formed very quickly when she saw someone with whom she could bring you down with.Maybe she want s your job

Obviously you must choose your own decision as you know this person, but my concern is that people who are this way will probably not stop at anything however subtle or blunt to try and keep putting the focus on humiliation.

I would be concerned that if she was still in my closest circles that this sort of thing might happen again and she manages to brush it off as nothing or laugh it off then that also makes her the stronger (and if it isn’t resolved as to why she felt the need to embarrass you over something so personal and unrelated to the conversation) then you really need to consider what happens the next time something more private or sensitive occurs, something’s are really not for other people to know about and certainly not for strangers
or those with some sort of game plan or immaturity (where it can have more divisive repercussions for you)those sort of things can cause untold damage.

She has shown you her true colours and in the situation you talk about, you should be careful that those same people she has run to gossiping are not also spoken to again in a similar way as you don’t know what people have already said.

I’m not trying to spoil your friendship or suggest you stop friendship(only you can know that, and if you actually value or can trust her again); but I think as others are saying a downgrade of friendship – even if temporary is a definite (in the least), people like this can be dangerous especially if jealousy is a motive.

I would have it out with her and find out exactly why she said this but talk to her on a one to one basis where she can at least give her side of the story and she won’t have the bravado and swagger of others around,if she is a real friend she is less likely to lie to you (and if she does lie you will be able to see it!!!). If you talk to her alone, you might find out a bit more as to why she felt the need to do this, and maybe you can assess things from there. But in future, I wouldn’t want a person like that too close to me at all. But too be fare all-round, maybe if you are going to try to find out what happened you also need to talk privately to the people she has spoken to (if you think that she has spoken to others about this subject) but of course you also need to be VERY careful here as well, as you don’t want to add to things that are private if things have only been suggested as you might expose things more.

Either way, if it were me I would want to get the truth and try to stop any damage being done in the future. I think this is a warning signt hat you need to take as a red flag to someone’s character.

Gossip can really do a lot more harm than people seem to consider depending on what has been said. The damage to people’s reputations,work life, relationships, friendships etc. can all be effected without a second thought, and it’s not just that start of the gossip it that can be the problem, those also happy to spread rumors around without any real facts or thought for how others may feel or the consequences that they may not even know about can all bring problems if whatever is being gossiped about gets out of hand or is not factually based, is designed to cut people off socially or it adds to a situation that is making someone else feel

Hmmm,…i think if people get off on knowing other people’s business,there is a good chance that they are not going to stop being interested in other people’s affairs!!!! as its all an opportunity for them to relish in drama and to sit back and watch something get inflamed and heated whilst they are secretly are loving it all and wishing it things to go bad for another person.

do good friends really wish to see true friends humiliated? I suspect that jealousy is more deep rooted than you realize in her! So be careful whatever you do decide to do….things are private and confidential for a reason, if you have people around you that cannot respect that then you have to judge whether they are worth your values and friendship as it stands.

GOOD LUCK with however you move forward from what is actually a personal betrayal truth…maxi, if she cant respect your privacy, what is she respectful of deep down for you? I am sure she is old enough also to know what this would have meant before she humiliated you publicly!!!!! some friend!

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 28th February 2018 at 8:46 AM.. Reason: fixed code and formatting, what a mess
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Old 28th February 2018, 2:28 PM   #10
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If you really don't want something talked about, it's best to shoulder the burden yourself. People talk. Sometimes they think it's for your own good if others know what's going on, or sometimes it has to do with another person and they think they have the right to know or sometimes they just forget you said it's secret.
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