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Friend on Meth


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Old 26th February 2018, 11:54 AM   #1
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Friend on Meth

I just found out that someone Iíve known for many years, whoís bi-polar, is actually on meth! I found this out because I emailed her sister the other day explaining that I felt my friendís life was going down the tubes and that the family needed to understand that someone with bi-polar isnít always in control of their lives.

Now, this friend is someone Iíve mostly kept my distance from because it basically makes me crazy to be around her. I care about her but her personality is very trying. I always attributed this to her being bi-polar and the drugs she takes for this. Btw, Iím not saying that all bi-polar people are this way. Iím just talking about her.

Her sister informed me about what was really going on and said she thought I already knew. My friend already knows my position on drugs because she complained all the time about her other two sisters who are druggies (not the sister I was taking to). She never told me about her own drug use because she knows Iíd completely stop being around her. Now that I look back on things, the signs were all there but I always thought those things had to do with her prescription drugs.

Iím so disappointed in this person who has been lying to me and playing on my sympathies for 15 years or more. I asked her sister if she knew for sure about my friendís drug use and she confirmed it. This friend was recently pulled over for driving erratically and was given a DWI. She always said she has sleep apnea and said thatís what happened. But they put her in jail for 24 hrs and I thought that was strange. Now I get it.

This girlís life is a mess with continual drama. She even did drugs with her oldest son. Iím just in complete shock right now. I wonder how sheís going to explain it to me if she ends up in jail or in a rehab program.
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Old 26th February 2018, 3:06 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by bathtub-row View Post
I’m so disappointed in this person who has been lying to me and playing on my sympathies for 15 years or more.
Of course you are. We addicts are master manipulators and we have a fairly
high skill level of guilt tripping to boot,

I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. I have been clean and sober going on 25 years now. I was addicted to Cocaine but I dabbled enough in Crank to pretty much admit to addiction to pretty much anything on Amphetamine Street.

I can only say that in the case of your friend, that the best thing you could possibly do is to let go of the outcome. Hard to do, but we addicts don't tend to actually pull our heads out of our asses until we hit total rock bottom on Skid Row, go to jail or die. Incidentally, I went through the first two of those
on multiple occasions and it still didn't take for many years.

I'm very sorry, but the only thing you can do is to show the kindest act you possibly could and delete her from your life at this point.

sounds like a counter productive and awful thing to do huh? I'm sure it feels that way if you aren't an addict.

But it really is the best thing for both of you. I was able to lie to myself and others for many years and keep my head barely above water because it was always better to guilt trip someone into helping me out...thus they were enabling me without knowing it.

I am very serious about Rock Bottom...there just isn't anything you can really do other than to to show her consequences by losing your friendship.

My friends and family, finally having enough of my criminal and violent antics, finally disowned me and forbid me to be anywhere near them.

That was when I hit rock bottom.

It was also when I realized at that point that I was really alone. And when you realize you are totally alone in this world, you either live or die.

I chose to live.
But I had enough negative consequences that it broke me.

25 years ago if you'd have met me you'd have found me the most vile person you could ever come across.

Not much has changed in that department, if you look at my posting history...people find me fairly vile still...lol.

But at least my being vile isn't chemically enhanced. I'm just vile of my own accord now without blaming others. lol

Seriously....you just have to walk away and cut off contact. The only person that has any control of the outcome is your friend who is an addict. Right now their life is 3 ring circus...but with one caveat.

That 3 ring circus still has spectators. Meaning you and anyone else that is currently helping her without success. When the crowd goes home, the Circus isn't so fun when there is no one to perform for.

Leave the Tent...it's the only way to stop the Circus.
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Last edited by Space Ritual; 26th February 2018 at 3:09 PM..
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Old 26th February 2018, 3:37 PM   #3
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Truth earns respect Space Ritual. Respect.
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Old 26th February 2018, 4:44 PM   #4
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Thanks, Space. In a way, this knowledge about her has taken away any feelings of responsibility I had toward her. In the past several years, her life has been too nuts for me to maintain a close relationship with her but I felt a responsibility to approach her situation with her family (Iíve known all of them since childhood and then lost touch for years, then ran into the friend years ago and reconnected). Her family is basically calling it quits with her. I could already see her hitting rock bottom in the very near future ó hence my letter to her sister.

Iím pretty much a hard case when it comes to drugs and, while itís sad, Iím glad to have this information about her. It explains a lot. At this time, I donít know if or when Iíll ever address it with her. I know if I ask, sheíll just lie to me.

Iím sorry about what has happened to you and I totally admire you for pulling yourself out of that very deep hole. Thank you for your insight.
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Old 26th February 2018, 4:57 PM   #5
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Now that you know the truth, you just put a lot of distance in here. There is no need for more drama or a confrontation. On some level whether she is aware of it or not, she's going through hell. Don't pile on. It's not your responsible to help her or fix it unless she specifically asks for help or forgiveness as part of the 12 steps. Until then be polite if you see her. Perhaps send virtual good wishes or a prayer her way if you are a person of faith but have a little pity for her struggles & what she is putting her family through while you walk away.
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Old 26th February 2018, 5:35 PM   #6
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Now that you know the truth, you just put a lot of distance in here. There is no need for more drama or a confrontation. On some level whether she is aware of it or not, she's going through hell. Don't pile on. It's not your responsible to help her or fix it unless she specifically asks for help or forgiveness as part of the 12 steps. Until then be polite if you see her. Perhaps send virtual good wishes or a prayer her way if you are a person of faith but have a little pity for her struggles & what she is putting her family through while you walk away.
I totally agree!
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Old 26th February 2018, 6:20 PM   #7
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You should just walk away now. Who knows if she was even bipolar to begin with or just used that to mask her hard-drug use. Anyway, she's not doing herself any good and she's the only one who can change that. Just give yourself a break now and stop being available to her.
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Old 27th February 2018, 9:52 AM   #8
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You should just walk away now. Who knows if she was even bipolar to begin with or just used that to mask her hard-drug use. Anyway, she's not doing herself any good and she's the only one who can change that. Just give yourself a break now and stop being available to her.
I did wonder about the whole bi-polar thing. It’s just such a convoluted mess. Keeping my distance seems to be the best option at this point. Honestly, her erratic behavior was really getting on my nerves. Now it all makes sense to me as to why things have been getting progressively worse. Her mother died just a few months ago and she informed me then that she was really going to need me as a friend. My heart just sank because I knew I couldn’t do it.

I’m curious, what are the signs of people doing meth? A couple of years ago, she had to have all her teeth removed. This is very extreme given her age - around 50. I attributed it to the fact that she has taken prescription medication since she was in her 20’s and that she’s a chain smoker. Now, I think it was the meth.
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Old 27th February 2018, 10:02 AM   #9
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Thanks for sharing your story, Space Ritual. Fantastic to read it! bathtub-rowe, so sorry your friend is in this situation! Prayers for both you and your friend.
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Old 27th February 2018, 1:20 PM   #10
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Why are you still friends with her? Do you know if she will end up in rehab or jail? My ex was constantly on drugs, alcohol, gambling addiction-never went to jail for these things, is doing better now-took him 10 years though.
My parents used drugs--never went to jail or were even pulled over for a driving ticket. After my mom passed from an aneurysm 15 yrs ago my stepdad rethought using.
Been clean a long time now.
Sorry that you were mis-led.
My ex lied to me for a long time too.
Even spread lies about me and got my home involved in criminal activity while I was in class at college and didn't know about it until the cops came looking for the person on the lease, which was me...but, seems he is doing better--I hope so...I am attending meetings since I have the urge to drink lately, which I never drink...so...I just stay away from my ex and only text back once every month or two...i hope you are able to get support for your emotional fallout--but if the friend never stole, brought criminals around, got you evicted, refused to leave your home, hacked your emails/accounts, lied about you--you have hardly seen much--and should get out fast! It can get realky ugly-way beyond lies-which is bad enough...she will have to see the light on her own. I hope her son isn't underage--not that that makes it better, but that sucks! My parents gave me my first drugs when I was 12 (weed only-but still bad!). I can't see how any parent could make that choice for their child. It leaves the kid with a messed up relationship and memory forever with their parent. Sorry you had to be part of that. Pray for yourself and them. Hope a miracle happens. I really feel for all involved in drug/alcohol/gambling/even sex addiction after growing up seeing some of those issues and unwillingly/unknowingly being a part of it at a young age.
These people are lost and it is sad. Either offer 1 time support laying truth out before her, or walk away for good. Otherwise, I wouldn't look back and wait for her to go to jail and rehab and try to explain it to you. Unless you are the one who puts her there. I would just leave. Know its not your fault.
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Old 27th February 2018, 2:24 PM   #11
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Thanks very much for your reply, KrazyKat. Thereís not much emotional fall-out for me at the moment but I may still be in shock.

This friend has been wearing on me for some time now. For instance, not last year but the year before, I invited her to my house for Thanksgiving because she had nowhere to go. By the time she left, I was sorry I ever invited her. She talked loud and non-stop, dominated the whole conversation and her speech was slurred. My son looked at me like, ďWhat the heck is up with her?!Ē Heís in his 20ís. Iím sure if I tell him about the meth, heíll say he already knew that. She wanted to spend my birthday with me last year and I vetoed that immediately.

I know Iím lucky but there are no drug users in my family. I think because of that, I have a hard time understanding it. Iíve tried mild drugs before, it was sort of fun but I donít feel the need to keep going back. The same with alcohol. As you said, itís one thing to screw up your own life but involving your kids is just a whole new level of crazy.

Weíll see what happens with her lastest piece of drama. Iíll keep everyone posted on that. However, the next time she callls, I wonít answer. Which Iím sure will generate a drama-filled voice message.
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Old 27th February 2018, 8:10 PM   #12
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Just delete the message when it comes. Don't even listen to it.

Some people can't be saved. They don't want to be saved. Most drug users are like that.

Her mother's recent death was probably a trigger & it accelerated the downward spiral. That is not your problem & you can't fix it.

I have no idea what the signs of meth use are but since you think your 20 something son will have known, do talk to him about your friend. He probably sees things that you don't. I have a tendency to want to save "wounded birds" & it gets me into trouble. So now I listen when my husband shows me how draining particular people are.

I have a friend now who has a martyr complex. I continue to feed her, listen & make sure she's welcome here on the holidays but I stopped trying to get her a job or emotionally support her through some legal troubles she has. She doesn't want to be "fixed." She wants to whine & that's fine. I'll never let her starve but I'm no longer quick to help.

Distance & emotional boundaries are your friends.
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Old 27th February 2018, 8:57 PM   #13
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Your friendship is based on her lies...so there is no friendship.

You're better off not dealing with her at all!

Do yourself that favor.

When things don't make sense - there's a reason why.
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Old 27th February 2018, 9:32 PM   #14
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Just delete the message when it comes. Don't even listen to it.

Some people can't be saved. They don't want to be saved. Most drug users are like that.

Her mother's recent death was probably a trigger & it accelerated the downward spiral. That is not your problem & you can't fix it.

I have no idea what the signs of meth use are but since you think your 20 something son will have known, do talk to him about your friend. He probably sees things that you don't. I have a tendency to want to save "wounded birds" & it gets me into trouble. So now I listen when my husband shows me how draining particular people are.

I have a friend now who has a martyr complex. I continue to feed her, listen & make sure she's welcome here on the holidays but I stopped trying to get her a job or emotionally support her through some legal troubles she has. She doesn't want to be "fixed." She wants to whine & that's fine. I'll never let her starve but I'm no longer quick to help.

Distance & emotional boundaries are your friends.
I hear ya'. You know, about a year or so ago, I was thinking about going on a trip with her. The thing that stopped me is the fact that she's a chain smoker. I mean, every time we would go somewhere, she would have to stop every 5 min to stop and smoke. The few times I've experienced that, it completely got on my nerves. Now, I have to wonder what on Earth was I thinking to even consider going on a trip with her. That would've had nightmare written all over it.

Do you know what really gets me? She talked constantly about her two druggie sisters. During one phone conversation, she talked about them for so long I finally stopped her, telling her that I didn't really give a fig about her sisters and that she needed to change her expectations of them because they were hopeless until they chose to make changes.

Yes, I agree that the death of her mother has no doubt taken things to a new level. I've known the whole family since I was about 8 yrs old so there's quite a bit of history there. I really liked her mom but I just can't be the shoulder for this person to cry on.

Well, I guess this will all fizzle and she'll eventually catch on. She always telling me how she doesn't have any friends and I don't wonder why. She has truly painted herself into a corner.
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Old 27th February 2018, 9:33 PM   #15
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Your friendship is based on her lies...so there is no friendship.

You're better off not dealing with her at all!

Do yourself that favor.

When things don't make sense - there's a reason why.
You're dead on. There are so many lies, I don't even know where to begin.
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