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clingy/obsessive friend!!!


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 7th February 2018, 2:50 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by Purepony View Post
You say you don’t like confrontation but this little game you’re playing is making it worse for the both of you.

Be honest with the girl stop lying to Her or anyone I don’t think what she did especially when you let her know that you were low on funds so I can understand why that put a sour taste in your mouth

However that also sounds like that was a while ago by now you should not be as broke as you were at that time at least I hope not so first things first review your finances, you should try to work on that so you can avoid those problems in the future not just with her but with anybody else

Second you should tell her via text if you don’t want to do it physically. Just be up front and tell her how you feel

Good luck
I wouldn't exactly call this a "game." Yes I am very bitter over this because a real friend would have felt sorry for me and been like don't worry I got this. I'm not sure how to politely tell her that what she did didn't set right with me and I would prefer not to hang outside of work anymore due to this. And that further more I need a break. Kind of like in a relationship where someone would say I think we need to take a break to reevaluate our friendship. Not sure of how long I need one but I desperately need one. Then when I feel it's right I want to be the one to contact her not the other way around. I will still be cordial and respectful at work. I am like that to everyone you would never know that I didn't like you because I don't show it. Since I ignored all her texts last night she acted as if nothing happened. I acted the same since it was a little awkward being around her. Trust me I know I need to woman up and be honest but like I don't like upsetting people or making them mad at me. I know that sounds childish but I've been that way my whole life.
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Old 7th February 2018, 2:55 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by CC12 View Post
You should try working on your boundaries, assertiveness, and communication. You seem afraid to be honest with this person who is bothering you and stressing you out. You're making your own life more difficult in order to avoid confrontation and awkwardness. That's not in your best interests.

Next time someone asks you for tip money after they told you they're going to treat you because you have no money, you should be able to say, "Sorry, I told you before that I don't have any money for this. I was under the impression that this was your treat?" (But honestly if this was the main reason you don't want to hang out with her anymore, I think that's a little bit petty. She asked you for a few bucks after she bought your dinner. It's not that cool of her, but it's not the worst thing a person can do to you. And you agreed to it, after all.)

So it's going to feel weird to tell her you don't want to hang out outside of work, but if she's making your life as difficult as you say she is, you're going to have to tell her just that. You can soften it a lot. You can say, "Hey, I enjoy seeing you at work, but I'm not interested in a friendship outside of work. I'm kind of an introvert and like just having time to myself when not working. Hope you understand." It might make things awkward at your job, but that might have to happen in order for her to stop bothering you. If she starts becoming unprofessional in your workplace, you can take it up with management.
Yes you are correct! I am currently working on that and she is my starting point. I'm not the least bit assertive person at all. I can't say no because I fear upsetting the person. Will not anymore things are going to start changing for the good of me. You hit the nail on the nose spot on! Yes it is a tad petty but I never would have done that to her or any of my friends. Because in my book that is just not right. To me if I say I'm treating you that means I pay it and the tip. Especially if you say you are broke I'm definitely going to be asking you to pitch in. Especially when I knew you couldn't from the get go. I wish you understood how that made me feel that day =(
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Old 7th February 2018, 11:07 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Slyvanix View Post
She needs more friends and especially a hobby!
I think if you are truthful with her and tell her you just don't want to do anything after work, you like your alone time, then she will respect you for that and you will remain friends at work. Respect is important and you won't gain it by not letting go of what she did that upset you.
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Old 8th February 2018, 6:50 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by Slyvanix View Post
That is true I do have a lot going in my life so that wouldn't be a lie. I doubt that even if I told her that it would phase her. She would still text and ask me to hang out like I never told her anything. I need to somehow tell her she is stressing me out to the point it's causing me anxiety. Nobody should feel stressed when their friend is texting. And if they do then maybe it's not a healthy friendship.
Nobody needs to textbomb like she is! That is too much!

How about be completely honest then? Tell her she's stressing you out by texting so much and pushing you into making plans all the time. Also just say that you're quite introverted and don't enjoy being pressured by her.
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Old 8th February 2018, 6:52 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Slyvanix View Post
Yes you are correct! I am currently working on that and she is my starting point. I'm not the least bit assertive person at all. I can't say no because I fear upsetting the person. Will not anymore things are going to start changing for the good of me. You hit the nail on the nose spot on! Yes it is a tad petty but I never would have done that to her or any of my friends. Because in my book that is just not right. To me if I say I'm treating you that means I pay it and the tip. Especially if you say you are broke I'm definitely going to be asking you to pitch in. Especially when I knew you couldn't from the get go. I wish you understood how that made me feel that day =(
But instead you're hurting yourself! I get not wanting to hurt her feelings but she's making you feel awful and giving you anxiety.

She seems to not understand boundaries and lines that one isn't supposed to cross. Maybe she doesn't know any better (unhealthy thinking and perception of her actions) and needs to just be told to slow down and not text so much daily.
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Old 9th February 2018, 12:48 AM   #21
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I agree that you should just come right out and tell her you are not looking for new friends and that you prefer to be left alone. Don't mention anything about the lunch where she asked you to chip in for the tip. That was such a minor thing, such a little thing to get so angry about. Just don't mention that at all.
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Old 9th February 2018, 2:57 PM   #22
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The exact same thing happened to me and the girl turned out to be bi and was in love with me.

She’s text me as soon as i left the building and even when i was short with her or didn’t respond she would double text me and still try to keep a conversation going.
I was nice and replied for the sake of not making things awkward at work but it just got out of hand.

She would ask me to hangout and go grab dinner with her and she’d pay for my meal. One time we were at the mall and i said i liked a pair of shoes and she bought them for me.

She asked me to go with her to a concert out of town and when she booked the hotel she got one with ONE bed!! So i had to sleep in the same bed as her.

One day i even mentioned that i had always wanted to go to California and the next day i get to work and she shows me a confirmation email for 2 tickets to California!!!

Not saying this girl is bi and wants to date you but it is strange she’s so obsessive. I’ve never had a friend that obsessive. I’m with my bff every day and she’s not even that crazy about me lol
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