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is this so bad?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 25th January 2018, 7:19 PM   #1
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is this so bad?

friends A B & C are all female in their fifties

friend A realizes that C is a narcissist who was abusive to A but nice to B

so friend A tells friend C to visit friend B on a different nights than her

Friend A has quietly put up with friend C for 2 years (repeat 2 years), but got completely fed up with friend C when she realized that friend C is a narcissist. But she did not want friend B to have to take sides, which would have happened. Friend A wanted to be diplomatic, but had to go no contact with friend C.

So friend A told friend C of the different night decision taken without consulting friend B - - is that so bad?

(friends B & C can do their own thing, ok)
(friends A & B are close and abuse-free)

Last edited by darkmoon; 25th January 2018 at 8:15 PM..
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Old 25th January 2018, 8:55 PM   #2
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I mean, close friends tell each other everything, but they also talk behind each other's backs when it suits them. So what you say will likely get back to her.
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Old 25th January 2018, 11:40 PM   #3
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I mean, close friends tell each other everything, but they also talk behind each other's backs when it suits them. So what you say will likely get back to her.
the gig was up, i realized i had to go, friend B was not that bothered by the split - i never slag people off lightly, or gossip at all, it is an unattractive trait - when i first explained to friend B it was "I don't want to rude about your friend" (your friend, note, not ours) then B and I had short convo

and I later said to friend B "C is suited to lame ducks who need help"

getting back to her? C thinks we are all meeting on friend B's birthday, but I am not going, giving her the slip, the therapists say leave quietly, and my intuition tells me C will narc at me if i go to the birthday

Last edited by darkmoon; 25th January 2018 at 11:49 PM..
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Old 26th January 2018, 1:41 PM   #4
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oh boy!!! Dark moon, you lost me with all these alphabet letters ; but what i do know is that you know all these people so do what's in your heart with them.

its just a shame that people of this sort of age can be so silly and childish. and although i don't really know who said what or why, from what has been said already, that might be just as well...this whole thing is making me dizzy with a's and b's.

hhmmm,,,,i guess the friendships will pan out and as you say the others will do thier own thing in the end. i think its quite fair that people want to spend time with others that dont cause them this kind of drama. but i also wonder if some of the drama has also been caused by the people in this who havent been able to speak up just as much as those that have said far too much?!

but you'd kind of hope that women in their 50's who were supposed to be friends of sorts would be able to talk to each other and come to some kind of amicable agreement and be honest enough to talk about their own and others behaviours openly without all the games and whispering, as on many occasions if you dont talk about this kind of stuff it just builds and everyone gets sick of it, sometimes justly, sometimes unjustly.

the problem sometimes is also in cases like this, is that even good friend can twist things to make someone out to be the bad guy by what has been said or if its not challenged properly with all in question at the time; and unless you are always there then there may actually be times where someone who is ok is trashed for another persons little motives...and then everyone starts to think in a certain way about another for one particular area. of the way they handle things.

im sure your'e doing the right thing, if only i truly understood what that was! but have a good night if you are friend D or would like to be friend S.

the devil in me wants to throw a spanner in the works and become friend M!!!!! but i dont think that would be wise under the circumstances..haha..

so keep with the therapists notion..it sounds the healthiest option to me.

best wishes, maxi.

and yeah:i think what preraph said is a good reminder of what is said in "confidence" with some people is not always so confidential - depending on what they want from the exchange.

but whichever way it all goes; birthdays are supposed to be fun aren't they!!!! so yes, i reckon your'e right to give it a miss.

see ya. maxi.
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Old 26th January 2018, 2:55 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darkmoon View Post
friends A B & C are all female in their fifties

friend A realizes that C is a narcissist who was abusive to A but nice to B

so friend A tells friend C to visit friend B on a different nights than her

Friend A has quietly put up with friend C for 2 years (repeat 2 years), but got completely fed up with friend C when she realized that friend C is a narcissist. But she did not want friend B to have to take sides, which would have happened. Friend A wanted to be diplomatic, but had to go no contact with friend C.

So friend A told friend C of the different night decision taken without consulting friend B - - is that so bad?

(friends B & C can do their own thing, ok)
(friends A & B are close and abuse-free)


Too much headspace and drama for people in their 50's to be undertaking. They all need to grow up. Why people waste their time stoking fires like this I'll never know. Truck Stop Diner Drama
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Old 27th January 2018, 1:43 PM   #6
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the gig was up, i realized i had to go, friend B was not that bothered by the split - i never slag people off lightly, or gossip at all, it is an unattractive trait - when i first explained to friend B it was "I don't want to rude about your friend" (your friend, note, not ours) then B and I had short convo

and I later said to friend B "C is suited to lame ducks who need help"

getting back to her? C thinks we are all meeting on friend B's birthday, but I am not going, giving her the slip, the therapists say leave quietly, and my intuition tells me C will narc at me if i go to the birthday

She's going to narc at you either way. Best friends tell each other everything.
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Old 27th January 2018, 6:45 PM   #7
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She's going to narc at you either way. Best friends tell each other everything.
yeah, she'll narc at me whatever, too, I am genuinely want to know where you see the best friends in the dynamic

who did you think is best friends with who?

in fact, A and B live near each other, C not so near, but where did you see the besties?

Last edited by darkmoon; 27th January 2018 at 6:50 PM..
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