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My friend's ex is preparing a surprise party for her


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Old 23rd January 2018, 8:57 AM   #1
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My friend's ex is preparing a surprise party for her

Hi people. Here's the situation, I have a friend. She had a BF who was also in our circle. When they were together we were close, even went to a vacation altogether. Anyways, their relationship always had ups and downs, but this year it became real dark. Guy's obsessed with her and overly jealous. It's like he wants to kidnap her and lock her down forever lol. And she's not the most understanding or submissive person. So they frequently break up and get together again.

Now they've broke up, she says "it's done and there's no turning back" but he's still obsessed about her and wants to make a surprise for her birthday -to win her back-. What should we do? Should we talk to him, man to man?
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Old 23rd January 2018, 4:27 PM   #2
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Because they have this on again off again dysfunctional dynamic I suspect this party will do what he wants it to do: win her back. She may have said it was over forever but their past pattern indicates that she was lying to herself & all of you.


If you are serious about the idea that you think he wants to kidnap her -- meaning that you genuinely think he's dangerous & perhaps the police should be involved -- tell her what you know about the surprise party plans. I'd rather you ruin the surprise then give him an opportunity to inflict bodily harm.


If you are being dramatic, let them flounder their way through the muck & mire they have created.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 6:10 PM   #3
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...


If you are serious about the idea that you think he wants to kidnap her -- meaning that you genuinely think he's dangerous & perhaps the police should be involved -- tell her what you know about the surprise party plans. I'd rather you ruin the surprise then give him an opportunity to inflict bodily harm.

....
No, I was just over-exaggerating but if you ask me, things are going in that direction. I struggled with OCD for many years, I see obsession when I see it.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 8:30 PM   #4
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If he's obsessed, it won't do any good to talk to him. You should let her know though if he goes forward with the "surprise" and ask her to be discreet should she decide to go along with it.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 8:56 PM   #5
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I wouldn't interfere unless he's violent. Doing a birthday surprise for someone you've broken up with is actually a bit stalky-creepy unless they're really good friends, but if she encourages him by getting back together with him on a regular basis, leave them to it.
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Old 24th January 2018, 6:11 AM   #6
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I wouldn't interfere unless he's violent. Doing a birthday surprise for someone you've broken up with is actually a bit stalky-creepy unless they're really good friends, but if she encourages him by getting back together with him on a regular basis, leave them to it.
Based on what she says, she's really tired from his jealousy fits and insults that come with them, so she says she's determined about not having him in her life. She's also told him that. But the dude doesn't know when and where to stop.
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Old 24th January 2018, 7:19 PM   #7
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You know, some of her girlfriends will probably tell her if he's invited them. And they will also know whether she should be told or if she likes the drama.
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Old 24th January 2018, 8:40 PM   #8
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You have to let others make their own mistakes.
If you don't and interfere or take sides, they will resent you for it.
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Old 24th January 2018, 9:31 PM   #9
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Based on what she says, she's really tired from his jealousy fits and insults that come with them, so she says she's determined about not having him in her life. She's also told him that. But the dude doesn't know when and where to stop.
OK, so he's abusive. I'd tell her about the surprise he's planning and give her the opportunity to talk to him and stop it before it changes from a birthday surprise to a birthday shock.
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