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dont know about this friend


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

 
 
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Old 20th December 2017, 4:25 PM   #1
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dont know about this friend

Me and my friend have had a rough past years ago. We would fight a lot and both got hurt over disagreements. But like any friendship, we've had our good times. We decided to try again a year or so ago after our fallout in 2013. We became close friends again. We haven't had any fights but I notice when she is angry, she takes her anger out on me. She will say rude things, I'll confront her and she will apologize. This week, she said she's been going through a hard time not related to me. So as a friend naturally, I tried to be there for her and text her asking if she's okay and left nice comments on FB. She didn't want to talk about it with me. She flipped out on me and I didn't expect that at all. Then she told me to not ever post old pictures of us on FB from the past, to not ever talk about the past again or give her compliments because she gets triggered(bad memories brought up to her mind even if it's something good). She does have anxiety and low self esteem about herself. I understand her viewpoint but isn't this a bit controlling? I'm also tired of getting yelled at from her and her being just mean. She is not like this with anyone else. I'm thinking of telling her I want a break. I don't know what to do. Help?

After the fallout in 2013, she did move away to be with her now-husband(who doesn't like me because my friend would vent to him in 2013 about me and it stuck with him). So trying again with the friendship all happened long distance. Whenever I ask to visit, she gets mad as well. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated.
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Old 20th December 2017, 4:44 PM   #2
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She's made it pretty clear she dosn't want anything to do with you other than as a punching bag and her husband doesn't like you- she's going to respect his feelings over yours.

As far as her request to not post old pictures of the two of you together from the past- and your impression that it's controlling- no it's not controlling and it's rather odd that you think it is.

Just leave her alone. If you go so far as to tell her you want a break I have no doubt she'll readily agree.
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Old 20th December 2017, 5:04 PM   #3
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Friendship comes down to expectations. What exactly are you expecting from this person? Are you expecting this person to sweet talk with you? Share all of her secrets and confide in you? Reminisce about the past with you?

The problem here is clearly that you are expecting something just because you are considered "friends," but she is not giving it you. You feel uncomfortable because the way she is treating you is different from what you had in mind.

The solution is you should take a step back and drop whatever expectations you had. People change over time. You might not know her as well as you thought anymore, so you should get to know her all over again.

Maybe then you can see past your biases and figure out whether she is treating you as a special friend, or if she is just being an a**hole to you because she is not interested in you anymore.
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