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Friend has distanced herself..

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Old 14th December 2017, 10:57 AM   #1
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Friend has distanced herself..

So i became friends with someone a year ago. She was going through a major break up and i was basically that friend that was there for her when she needed me. I went by her house when she was crying, took her out, and basically helped her try to get over the break up. We got really close. I would encourage her to focus on her career and focus on the good things in her life, as opposed to this boy. She clung on to me, and sometimes she became draining, but i always still always there for her. It was nice to have a close friend to hang with, as i moved to a new city and did not have a lot of friends.
Her ex came back into her life, and now shes basically not calling or messaging me anymore. She messages, but only when i reach out to her. Do i say anything to her or just leave it be and move on from this. It bothers me, because i feel like i was used to be her emotional crutch, and now when things seem to be ok, she doesn't really need me anymore. Once i decide to let go of someone, thats it. So i would like some advice on what to do and what you would do.

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Old 14th December 2017, 11:51 AM   #2
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You need to go with your handle "ilovemefirst".

You were too available and too nice with this girl and she used you.

Move on and if she contacts you, fair enough, you can decide what you want to do them.

Otherwise, move on and don't be so "nice" in future.

Good luck x
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Old 14th December 2017, 12:04 PM   #3
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You are right. I do love me first always! So i should not allow anyone to walk over me or use me. Lesson learnt!
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Old 14th December 2017, 1:04 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by ilovemefirst View Post
You are right. I do love me first always! So i should not allow anyone to walk over me or use me. Lesson learnt!
Have boundaries. You were always available to this girl and she took advantage. Not maliciously but selfishly.

Now that the ex is back in the picture, you need to decide if she's worth it. Meaning, either talk to her about how you feel (being ditched and feeling used, and this being a one sided friendship) or walk away and distance yourself from her, focus on making new friends that aren't so needy and understand the give/take thing.
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Old 14th December 2017, 2:50 PM   #5
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Two things going on here. One, your relationship was based on you helping her get over her ex, but now he's back, so kinda embarrassing for her, right? I mean, now she either has to convince you that despite all the bad things she had to say about him to you and how he hurt her, that he's "really a nice guy." So that's quite a hurdle.

Second, unfortunately, there are people who throw their friends away when they get a boyfriend or girlfriend, as if they don't have enough love to go around. It's mean and you have to accept you were maybe just convenient to them when they needed someone, but if she blows you off now, she's not a good friend, and don't chase someone's friendship who's like that because they'll do it over and over again. He may make it hard for her to have any other friends if he's controlling, too. Lots of guys are like that. If she abandons you for a bad ex, move on and don't answer next time they break up.

However, all the above is premised on that you are a female. If you're male, obviously, that would be a conflict when dealing with an already broken relationship with the ex.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
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