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Friends with ex does seem possible


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 22nd December 2017, 1:12 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by SevenCity View Post
It depends on the situation. If you were dumped and you didnít want it, chances are your friendship is a ploy to get back with them.

Also, it depends how much you loved the person and how badly you were hurt in the breakup.

People give that advice because the dumpee often is hurt more by a friendship and has a harder time moving on.

If youíre not in a place where the friendship will hinder your healing, I donít think anyone would have issues with a friendship.


Most people come here because they were devistated by a breakup. The worst advice to them is to seek friendship with their ex.

For me, I donít keep in contact with my exes as they are no longer part of my life. Someone said some good words to me many many years ago ďOnly look forward, never look backĒ.


If someone doesn't want to be with you, they have every right not to be. The ex that I'm friends with dumped me and we didn't talk for like 2 years and it was me that ended the friendship but it wasn't really because she dumped me, more just the way she did it. After 2 years when she apologized I had literally no problem being her friend. But I agree, if you were dumped and you didn't want it, you have every right to distance yourself to heal. Ideally I would want to still be cordial and even really good friends with my past lovers. There are a good handful of past lovers out there that are literally best friends and nothing more. I know a lot of people probably won't believe that to be a thing, but, it is.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 4:17 AM   #17
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A week is nothing in terms of time. Most breakups continue to evolve in form in the mind of at least one person. Don't be surprised if, in time, one of you changes your opinion about the true nature of the breakup, develops resentments or regrets. Conversely, one party may begin a relationship with someone who dislikes daily/weekly texts from the ex.

It will be hard to give all your attention to a new love when you still have an emotional bond with the ex, and who may become idealized in your mind once you hit your first rough patch with your eventual new love.

I tried being friendly with several exes, and even when it "worked" I had to be careful that it didn't cause problems with the upgrade. I would be suspicious of your ex's motives for wanting to text you daily, or even weekly. Sounds like at least one of you hasn't really broken up. There is a BIG difference between being friends with someone well after the breakup has processed and there has been the proverbial "space", and never giving each other that space. I think many people lie to themselves and just lay in the cut, waiting in a space of suspended secret hopefulness. Or, they don't draw respectful emotional boundaries and end up emotionally distracted, and their new relationship fails or flounders.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 6:24 PM   #18
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I've been friends with an ex I spent 3 years with. We've been friends for about a year and a half. As cool and chill as it seems, it isn't ideal for most of my friendships. We chat almost on about a 2/3 month basis, where most of the time is talking about dating issues, work, school, etc. Before, it was comforting knowing who exactly he was getting involved with, considering I still cared very deeply for him. But as time passed we have been just a regular hookup/booty call for each other to hook up with each other when neither of us is seeing anyone intimately. Neither of us has any problem with it, and are pretty set just being this type of friend.

Its cool and all, but don't think this "friendship" will last too long, considering both of us still date other people. I am sure there are different experiences, but this is just my personal experience.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 12:10 PM   #19
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Update

I wanted to update this thread because the girl I am talking about in the OP and now ex girlfriend and me hanged out this afternoon (GMT+1, Europe)...

We went for a drink in her neighborhood, then went back to her and her mother place for more chit chat. And listening to music on her TV thru YouTube.

So she has a new boyfriend, I also met someone in the meantime, but it didn't last for reasons too personal too mention so I am still looking.

So despite she lives more than an hour a drive from me, we intend to see each other regularily. Maybe a couple times a months as friends.

In my case, it worked and for the first time too.

Thanks to all who commented in this thread.
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Old 6th March 2018, 7:33 PM   #20
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I'm just curious but why did you guys break up? When you mention 'silent treatment' that indicates that things aren't going well or that there's some underlying bitter resentment...
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Old 6th March 2018, 11:06 PM   #21
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I read a post once that read," if you are able to be close friends with an ex, you were never in truly in love".

Hmm, I think it might ring true for me.
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Old 7th March 2018, 3:49 AM   #22
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my ex broke up with her ex as she wasnt getting the freedom to do what she always wanted to. he would stop her from going out to the gym, for a swim late night parties and it was all because he was scared of loosing her or maybe because she would get along with someone very easily. He wasnt willing to let go her but as things werent going well between them she broke up.

He tried to get her back but she was very adamant and refused to do the same. After a few months as we were only friends we became good friends and finally fell in love. we dated for around 8 months and after a period of 5 months she felt like breaking up with me too without any reason or as she says family pressure but we didnt and carried on for a few more months but it wasnt the same after that my love towards started to deteriotate as i couldnt trust her the same way as before she would talk to him behind my back.

At times when her ex would call she would pick the phone only when i forced her to because i knew once im gone she would anyways, so i thought its better if she talks infront of me. inspite of me not liking all this she didnt stop it. with time i stopped feeling for her and decided to finish this as we were fighting a lot. while she was with me she would flirt around with other guys behind my back but if i even spoke to any girl in my college she would take her anger out on me. i couldnt understand her mentality even though we had been together for a while. there were trust issues involved which led to all this, i started keeping a watch on her very closely on what she did and whether shes loyal to me because i was scared of loosing her. She knew that i wouldnt do anything so she was carefree about the situation ahead of her. A couple of months ago we decided to end things as i didnt find it worth investing time on a person who was only with and took me as a person to cry on when crisis hit.

Before we broke up she tried messaging her ex his family members and was trying to create a scene because she too could sense that i was about to give this news. so i finally went up to her to break up but in good terms but i didnt see what was coming. after a couple of days she started messaging her ex so frequently and calling her as if she was her current gf. he too never trusted her completely but as he too was with her for a 3-4 years he got convinced by her style and finally got back with her. i tried reaching her she wouldnt answer my calls even after reading to my messages wouldnt revert to me. it was nothing but sheer ignorance from her side as what she had done an year ago to her ex when she was getting close to me. He too dated a girl for a while and he did tell her but my ex never admitted that she dated me. she got a upperhand and took advantage of it and is now very sweet infront of everyone of his family.

I felt like sharing things with her but she was so busy getting back to her that she ignored me all the while and only when he would fight with her she would call me for help. its been close to a couple of months when i last saw her and spoke to her. i feel shes over me but im not completely over her. at times i feel like taking my frustration out on the phone by calling but then i stop as i see it leading no where. Should i try calling her or should i let go of my life? This being my first love and a close friend i feel like getting her back in my life. I often feel my life has come to a halt because of someone. shes enjoying her life partying, working and now with her and i'm cribbing about it.

please help me.
thank you for reading
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Old 7th March 2018, 8:48 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by ZayKayWill View Post
I'm just curious but why did you guys break up? When you mention 'silent treatment' that indicates that things aren't going well or that there's some underlying bitter resentment...
She imposed the silence treatment for two weeks and twice during the 8 months relationships for no reasons, or none that I'm aware of anyway, in this case its pretty much normal to break it off.
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Old 7th March 2018, 5:07 PM   #24
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She imposed the silence treatment for two weeks and twice during the 8 months relationships for no reasons, or none that I'm aware of anyway, in this case its pretty much normal to break it off.


Weird. So it sounds like there weren't any real problems on either of your ends, but rather you guys kinda got bored of each other or just kinda realized that you weren't compatible as a couple...does that sound about right?
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Old 7th March 2018, 10:57 PM   #25
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Hi guys, just recently went through a breakup two weeks ago. I am friends with my ex. Is there still a chance for us to be back together?
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Old 7th March 2018, 11:07 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by HiCrunchy View Post
I read a post once that read," if you are able to be close friends with an ex, you were never in truly in love".

Hmm, I think it might ring true for me.
Truer words were never spoken.

When you love someone, truly love someone, being friends is impossible because you never stop loving them.
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Old 8th March 2018, 2:01 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by ZayKayWill View Post
Weird. So it sounds like there weren't any real problems on either of your ends, but rather you guys kinda got bored of each other or just kinda realized that you weren't compatible as a couple...does that sound about right?
Quite possibly.
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