My friend turned on me for no reason

[Starseed420]

Some background info: I have been friends with her for almost a year, she is 30 and I am 22. We have always had a good friendship, we get along great mostly and spend a lot of time together. She has a lot of issues, she has had a hard life but is overall a very good person. She is on prescription medication and also drinks quite often, so I think that played a part.

 

We went out last night with some friends to a bar. I hadn't drank that much and as fast as she did, so I know I didn't say or do anything to bring this on. We met up with another friend, and were all having a good time. Then out of no where, she just completely turned on me and the person who I brought. She verbally attacked me and said so many uncalled for things. It was so embarrassing for us all, she accused the friend I brought of trying to leave without paying in front of the waitress and embarrassed us all. Me, my friend and the person she brought all left, in complete awe of how she was treating us. We had no choice but to leave, so we left without her to another bar. She was just a belligerent mess. This isn't anything new, it has happened a couple times before, usually when she drinks and has something bad going on in her life, which she does, but she has always apologized to me for it.

 

Later, I got a bunch of texts, making fun of me, comparing what we've been through and how I am young and don't know what shes been through (again, she has said stuff like this before since shes older, and seems to have used her being older in her favor to try to manipulate me). We texted a bit today and I told her how I know exactly what happened as I wasn't nearly as drunk as she was, and she says she has no intention of apologizing. I think she may be afraid to apologize or admit she was wrong, or she is drinking again. I feel bad I might lose a friend, she has her faults, but she is a good friend most of the time. I don't know what to say to her, it's like she is expecting me to apologize for something she did. I also don't know if I should just end the friendship or give it time. It has gotten easier for me to walk away from people and bad situations, but I don't want to not be friends with her anymore. Should I just give up on texting her, and wait for her to come to me?

 

TL;DR: My friend drunkenly turned on me for no reason and doesn't have any intention of apologizing.

[anika99]

If you like drama and being verbally abused by your friends then sure, keep being friends with this loony. It's pretty clear that she's not going to change anytime soon so if you're into verbally abusive friends then she is the perfect friend for you.

[anika99]

Also be prepared to lose your other friends. If a you invited me out and then allowed another friend of yours to attack me and make crazy accusations about trying to leave without paying, not only would I not want to be friends with the crazy drunk lady, I'd probably also reconsider my friendship with you as well. It's not your fault she got drunk and insulted other people but if you remain friends then you are condoning that behaviour and choosing her over your friends who don't behave that way.

[Space Ritual]

Some background info: I have been friends with her for almost a year, she is 30 and I am 22. We have always had a good friendship, we get along great mostly and spend a lot of time together. She has a lot of issues, she has had a hard life but is overall a very good person. She is on prescription medication and also drinks quite often, so I think that played a part.

 

We went out last night with some friends to a bar. I hadn't drank that much and as fast as she did, so I know I didn't say or do anything to bring this on. We met up with another friend, and were all having a good time. Then out of no where, she just completely turned on me and the person who I brought. She verbally attacked me and said so many uncalled for things. It was so embarrassing for us all, she accused the friend I brought of trying to leave without paying in front of the waitress and embarrassed us all. Me, my friend and the person she brought all left, in complete awe of how she was treating us. We had no choice but to leave, so we left without her to another bar. She was just a belligerent mess. This isn't anything new, it has happened a couple times before, usually when she drinks and has something bad going on in her life, which she does, but she has always apologized to me for it.

 

Later, I got a bunch of texts, making fun of me, comparing what we've been through and how I am young and don't know what shes been through (again, she has said stuff like this before since shes older, and seems to have used her being older in her favor to try to manipulate me). We texted a bit today and I told her how I know exactly what happened as I wasn't nearly as drunk as she was, and she says she has no intention of apologizing. I think she may be afraid to apologize or admit she was wrong, or she is drinking again. I feel bad I might lose a friend, she has her faults, but she is a good friend most of the time. I don't know what to say to her, it's like she is expecting me to apologize for something she did. I also don't know if I should just end the friendship or give it time. It has gotten easier for me to walk away from people and bad situations, but I don't want to not be friends with her anymore. Should I just give up on texting her, and wait for her to come to me?

 

TL;DR: My friend drunkenly turned on me for no reason and doesn't have any intention of apologizing.

 

Hi there,

 

Sorry that happened to you. However...

 

I myself am a recovering alcohloic/drug addict. I have almost 25 years now clean and sober.

 

What I wanted to say to you is that I used to behave quite a lot like your friend when I was drinking and drugging. I was not good at being diplomatic about much of anything. Thus I drove a LOT of people away with my behavior, especially my liquid arrogance.

 

It took a lot of time and a lot of blown chances to learn a very hard lesson that no one likes a loud foul mouthed drunk.

 

I only wised up after I had suffered enough negative consequences for my actions.

 

Sadly, I think in this case, your friend may probably need to suffer a string of negative consequences. In fact, distancing yourself from her and cutting off contact may in fact be the best gift you could ever give her.

 

I know it may seem counterintuitive to do this, but the old "forgive and forget" routine will be come very old very quickly. I m not too proud to say if you give us addicted an inch, we'll take a mile.

 

She won't change as long as she keeps getting forgiven for these errors in judgement. so please show her some consequences for her actions if you really care. Nothing wakes one up to the realities of life like being put into boat without a paddle. That is when we have to learn to paddle ourselves out of trouble or scream when the boat capsizes.

 

Please consider this approach. Just like a marriage or relationship rife with infidelity, the only way you can save it is by being willing to walk away from it.

[Zahara]

This isn't anything new, it has happened a couple times before, usually when she drinks and has something bad going on in her life, which she does, but she has always apologized to me for it.

 

So this is not the first time. An apology means absolutely nothing if the one apologizing keeps committing the crime over and over again.

 

If you like being verbally abused and being treated poorly, then keep being friends with her. A good friend is consistent in their proper and appropriate treatment of you. When it is inconsistent, it isn't genuine nor is it reliable.

 

Boundaries. You don't have them.

 

Seems like you are her punching bag. Choose wisely.

[stillafool]

The term "turned me on" used to be a good thing. To say my friend "turned me off" would mean they did something you don't like. Has this changed?

[basil67]

The term "turned me on" used to be a good thing. To say my friend "turned me off" would mean they did something you don't like. Has this changed?

 

Stillafool, you misread the title. It's actually "turned on me" which means to attack.

[basil67]

Your age gap is large. Not that it's necessarily an issue, but it is unusual. I don't suppose she's burned all her friends who are the same age as her?

[MsJayne]

Anyone who becomes nasty when they drink has a problem, sometimes alcohol itself is the problem and sometimes they use alcohol to disguise some other problem. Whatever the reason, people who become obnoxious when they drink are socially inept, embarrassing, self-absorbed, and generally not worth wasting your time or energy on. You'll only be enabling her behaviour if you allow her to get away with it, and she's shown herself to have no respect for you or your other friends. I'd fade her as quickly as possible.