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Hey, I'm kind of new here and looking for advice, I'm 16 and I have a huge crush on one of my classmates, she knows I used to quite like her earlier, she has said that she doesn't want a relationship with a classmate, we're just good friends. I wanted to ask you how to get rid of my feelings or at least control the emotions. I'm quite lost.. and my feelings have made me start some destructive habits...

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I'm so sorry that she doesn't return your interest. 16 year old girls are fickle but you are right to take her at her word that she doesn't date classmates. Understand that may be an excuse because she doesn't want to date you. Try not to take it as a lie if next year she turns up dating another boy in class.

 

 

Whatever these destructive outlets you are using are, stop. If you are having trouble stopping confide in a parent, a trusted teacher or another beloved adult (over 25).

 

 

As for getting over her, use good self talk. Explain to yourself that it's her loss. Now look around. See if you can find another girl who is looking at you the way you looked at this girl. Then go talk to the girl who likes you.

 

 

When all else fails -- exercise &/or study. Both are good for you & will get your mind off her.

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I've stopped for a while, but I don't know for how long. I used to talk with a psychologist when I was younger, but she didn't hold to her promise since then I cannot talk about personal problems in person.

Tried going into another relationship, but it didn't go far.

Exercise and studying are what I do, but I started getting worse at it.

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healing light

What are the destructive habits that you have started?

 

Is there anyone else that you are interested in? Any other girls you can try to get to know? I think that distraction/outside interests/meeting new people and having different experiences will be your best bet.

 

There was a technique I saw on another relationship forum that may or may not work for you when dealing with a fascination or obsession over a person or topic. The technique was to set a timer for, say, 10 minutes. And during those 10 minutes you only think about the subject matter at hand (the girl you like, in this instance). *But* during the rest of the day, you put aside any thoughts of that person and save them for later. Eventually, you get so bored of hashing over the same thing in your mind and it kind of trains your brain to think of other things during the day. You end up setting the timer for less and less time until you don't need it any more. Now, I've never tried this myself and it seemed a little odd to me, but I knew some people who swore by it. A "weaning" yourself off of cyclical thoughts or fascination with someone, if you will.

 

Also, it will probably be helpful to unfollow social media posts of this person so they aren't popping up in your feed all the time. You can still stay friends but don't have the post settings so that they're always reminding you.

 

Good luck to you.

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The destructive habits are not eating, not studying, self harm, I've kind of went spiraling into an depression a while back, I don't know if this is the cause, but that's where I am.

The technique would probably not work because I have no way of stopping social interactions between us, we are classmates, we usually discuss topics about school through social media, I would like to be friends with her, but I just can't get rid of feelings.

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