Falling in love with a Cuban Mexican I met online but afraid of commitment.

[marko28]

I’m thirty and have had a couple relationships in the past. I’ve been engaged once, but that relationship didn’t work out, because she left me for somebody else.

I was heartbroken. I’ve gone on a few dates after that, but I couldn’t find it in me to trust anyone.

Then I met Karla on loveme. She’s a beautiful girl from Cuban-Mexican descent. We get along with each other, and everything is going so well.There’s no issues of a language barrier since I am also partly Cuban by my mother’s side. She makes me laugh every day with her jokes and she always takes the time to listen to my daily stories.

The problem now is that I’m scared of making it official with her. It’s not that I don’t want to, I’m just terrified that I might get hurt again. On the other hand, I’m afraid that if I put off pursuing a relationship with her further, she’ll find someone else. Am I wrong for feeling this way? How will I know our relationship won’t go south?

The distance is also scary for me. We only met online and there’s a huge possibility that it wouldn’t work out. What if she’ll cheat on me behind my back when I’m away? I’m really stumped with what to do right now. I need all the help I could get. Any words of advice, anyone?

[sdraw108]

It's understandable to feel this way, but remember that if you avoid ever pursuing anyone because of fear of being hurt, then you'll never have a happy relationship.

 

The pain of loss of a relationship is horrible, but looking at it from a purely rational point of view, you could do one of two things with your life:

 

1. Pursue relationships. Some will not work out, but the pain of breakup aside, you're not actually any worse off than you were before you met the person. It just means you have to start again.

 

2. Avoid relationships. You'll never get to experience the moments of happiness that a good relationship can bring, and you'll miss out on the opportunity of possibly meeting a life partner. Unlike scenario 1, you're actually worse off overall than you would be if you took a chance.

[maxi105]

hello marko28

 

well, if you don't give someone a chance then how can you have a relationship with them?

 

when you say you are worried about the distance, do you mean you live a long way away from them or something else?

 

if you haven't met her offline then you need to to see if you are as compatible as you are online and if the spark is there etc...

 

what's the hurry to make her official anyway? it sounds as though you are living partly in fear of what happened before (this girl is not what happened before!!!) and partly you are living in a fantasy of not being good enough or getting hurt.

 

what if the sky is blue, what if the sky is grey, what if the sky is dark etc....

 

maybe if you slow down you thoughts and keep her unofficial (just you and her for now) and when you have more confidence then ask her what she thinks).

 

you don't know if your relationship will or wont work anymore than anyone else will.

 

just enjoy her company and keep talking to her and things will go one way or the other for either one or both of you and you will know more about if things are suitable in terms of a stronger relationship.

 

but for now, just have fun, respect each other and talk about stuff with her.

 

ok, see ya. Christmas is coming, so get out there and hook up with her. maxi.

[DuaneByron]

I agree with @maxi105.

[sdraw108]

Re-reading this, I think I somehow missed that this has only been online so far.

 

I stand by what I already posted, but in addition to that I think you need to meet her in person before you get any kind of emotional investment in this. It could all turn out to be a big waste of time anyway, and neither of you knows anything until you've met.