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My best friend/roomate is sleeping with my crush and I don't know what to say

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Old 4th November 2017, 8:47 PM   #1
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My best friend/roomate is sleeping with my crush and I don't know what to say

So the worst part about this is that I am happily in a committed relationship for a few years now. But you know its human to have a crush and I was dealing with it just fine until my roommate and friend started sleeping with him.

To give some backstory: I love my boyfriend very much and have no intentions of ending things. We are long distance which is challenging and sometimes I struggle with the fact that he's just not my normal type. So then there's the crush: he's the type. I have and had no intentions of pursuing this in any way shape or form.

For some reason now that my roommate is sleeping with him, I can't get the situation off my mind. It makes me jealous and it makes me question my attraction to my bf. I've been feeling very distant from my bf lately and I think that this is partially the cause. I think the hardest part is that I know that my roommate is just in it for the sex, but now I think she wants to start dating him (I have no idea if he's into that). She told me after the first time that it happened and was scared to tell me because she knew it was going to hurt my feelings.

I just want him to not be around as much so that I can work through my own feelings. That's the main thing, its like with him being around I see what I don't like about my bf and then I'm jealous of my roommate so its a lose lose all around and I can't get away.

What do I do? Its affecting my relationship and my friendship and I just don't know what to say. I want to not care but for some reason it bothers me. Do I just suck it up and wait until the feelings dissipate? Do I say something to her? What?
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Old 4th November 2017, 11:03 PM   #2
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So your friend must have known about your crush since she knew it would hurt your feelings to tell you she was hooking up with him. Now that you don't have to explain that awkwardness, perhaps you can ask her if she would mind going over to his more often when they hook up? That having him around has been distracting for you, and it's been a bit tough since you're currently feeling a bit disconnected with your boyfriend so this situation has been an adjustment for you? Not sure how close or honest of a relationship you have with your friend.

Realize that she doesn't technically owe you anything and you shouldn't technically care since you have someone. Honestly, I think you need to work on your relationship with your boyfriend and see what is remediable so that this doesn't affect you as much. Perhaps you need to spend more time with him or hear from him more often or there's some element like that potentially within your control to ask.

Are you fully attracted to your boyfriend? You mentioned he's not really your usual type. If there's something missing there like that, perhaps this situation is giving you the opportunity to evaluate it. Otherwise, I would take it as a chance to address what parts of the relationship have fallen into neglect and what parts are working for you.
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