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KingGelato 4th October 2017 1:03 AM

I feel betrayed by my two best friends
This is a complicated situation, but I will try to simplify it as best as I can. The reason I'm on this forum is that I just can't shake this anger I've been feeling for months.

BACK STORY: James has been my friend for 13 years. We were in an open relationship for three years nearly 13 years ago. We have not slept together in over 8 years. We have stayed good friends. He has frequently flirted with me, but he flirts with everyone. Even when he was in a relationship, he still would flirt. It's just his personality and I stopped taking it seriously.

Julia has been my friend for 8 years. She is a struggling actress in LA. James is a producer. If you know anything about Hollywood, you can probably see where this is going.

NOW: 6 months ago, I invited Julia and James to a party with me. We had a good time, but I went home with another guy that night. The next day, there seemed to be a shift in James and he kinda brushed me off to the side and started giving all the attention to Julia. I apologized to him, saying I appreciated hanging out and sorry if it was rude I left to hang out with that guy. He said it was no big deal, but still months on end I just noticed he was different with me and started hanging out more with Julia. I became increasingly uncomfortable. Mainly because I felt left out and ignored. Also, Julia, even though she's my friend, there's something about her I don't trust.

About two months ago, my mom was in the hospital, she almost died. I saved her life. For support, Julia asked James to fly out to see me. They both came, which was nice, but the whole time - James talked and talked about himself. Then flirted with her the ENTIRE TIME. Never once asked how I was feeling. Never included me in the conversation. Like, why are you even here?

I said how I felt. We all made our peace - or so I thought - then after a while he just cut me off. Saying he needed to re-asses our friendship and that I was being inconsiderate of his feelings and that he's just a nice hardworking guy, and he felt he would get more back out of this friendship. First off, if he had an expectation and never discussed that with me I think it's his problem.

Julia and I stopped talking shortly before he cut me off. I think she was saying stuff about me to him. I feel really betrayed. I mean, just because my mom was on the verge of death, doesn't mean I'm no longer uncomfortable with you both flirting in front of me. There is a time and a place. Have some tact!

CC12 4th October 2017 1:10 AM

Sorry you had a falling out with friends. That never feels good.

Did you have a question or want some advice?

KingGelato 4th October 2017 2:13 AM

Yeah...I guess I just wanted to see if my feelings were justified. I don't know how to get over this anger.

preraph 4th October 2017 3:28 PM

You're probably well rid of her. She might just try to take over every man you happened to introduce her to and do it to one that you were involved with sometime.

He pulled back as soon as they got together, so yes, she probably is telling him stuff to make him distance from you. Still, they both came to see you when your mom was ill. That's no small thing. The fact they were a bit inappropriate under the circumstances, well, I guess that's how they are. Or maybe they were trying to keep it light and cheer you up. Don't know. If you value his friendship, then don't burn bridges, but just stay aloof from them as a couple and only be around her when you have to and when you are, to counter anything she may be saying or doing to undermine you, be super nice and polite when he's there to see it so she can't convince him you're malicious. And don't even mind if SHE knows you are only nice when he's around, but otherwise, don't text or anything she can show him. He'll probably burn through her as soon as she meets the next person and then if you haven't totally burned that bridge, he might drift back by.

KingGelato 4th October 2017 11:09 PM

Very true
@preraph Thanks for the advice. I think she's definitely been saying something. It's irritating but you're right - I shouldn't say anything to him about it. I haven't spoken to her and nor do I care to. But I do value him as a friend so I think I'm just going to distance myself for a while.

preraph 5th October 2017 3:44 PM

Yes. Distance yourself, but then remember something like his birthday so he knows you still think of him.

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